Fashion has been my life since I was two years old. From dressing up as a princess to messing with my sisters makeup. Through elementary school, I was always judged. Even though people made fun of me, I never stopped being me. When middle school came, it all changed. I stopped being me because of pressure and judgment. I cried every night because I didn’t fit in. I didn’t have ANY friends, people hated me, and I hated me. I couldn’t think of what else to do. In eighth grade, all of my clothing turned gray. On October 15, a new girl came, full of bright colors. You could tell she was just as much into fashion as I used to be. She walked like she was the only one in the room. She enjoyed being herself, just like I should have been. I went home after school to make myself me again. Vibrant colors, pink nails, and light pink lip gloss. I ran in my front door only to see my mom sitting on the couch crying. I walked to her slowly. She told me dad had died in war, that he was gone. He was gone just like my life had been when I stopped being me. I felt limb. My legs were shaking along with my hands. I stared to the wall across me, thinking of the last time I saw my dad. It was the time of gray in me. He had told me, if he never came back from war, that he didn’t like this new me. He gave me a hug, I hugged him back, and then he left. I stopped staring at the wall, gave my mom a hug, and then ran upstairs. I slammed my door and locked it. I wanted to be alone. I sat on my bed and looked at the box hidden under all of the other junk in my closet. In that box was the old me. My sewing machine, patterns, clothing, earrings, makeup, and photos. Photos of me, colorful and bright, soft but fierce. And I laughed, remembering those days, the good days. Before I could even think about anything else, I snatched the box and started working on my life. I managed to make a hot pink dress with layers of light pink and a sea blue flower on the top right. I started thinking about this sea blue flower on this dress and how it reminded me of something, but I couldn’t put my foot on it. I was so held up in all the brightness, I jumped when I heard the doorbell ring. A few seconds later, I hear my sister sobbing as loudly as she can, stomping up the stairs. She banged as loudly as she could on my door. I let her in, giving her the biggest hug I ever could. We sat together crying. I told her about me being me again. We started sewing, everything pink, blue, red, orange, yellow. And as I sewed, I thought of that sea blue flower. I realized it reminded me of the ocean. Everything was free there. Life, love, and dreams. That was what my life was going to be again. I was doing this for my dad like he did everything for me.
Sea Blue Flower
October 20, 2009