Blood and Moonshadows

October 6, 2009
By Haruka BRONZE, Portland, Connecticut
Haruka BRONZE, Portland, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

It's a twisted happily ever after (and pain that never, ever stops) as much as it's sunrise and midnight (new beginnings and bloody endings) and love (and hate and desire) by the light of the moonshadows (covered in blood) so consuming (and horrible and beautiful) in its passion (this everything and nothing between us).

You want to stop (but you don't) and you tell yourself you can stop (they say we lie to ourselves more than we ever do to others) as if it is (was, because it was over before it even began) only as a passing action (not this all consuming fire that will destroy everything you know and yourself) as if it were a summer fling (but summer has come and long gone by).

You live as if you weren't guilty (because this is oh so wrong whispers the voice in the back of your head) and this feeling isn't consuming you until nothing is left (as if you were risking and losing) and you act as if you haven't signed your soul away to the devil (Fine print. F***ing fine print, and you signed everything you were and could have been away) and that you haven't shattered in almost all the ways that mattered (and that your future didn't break at your first kiss).

You pretend later (when you are caught in the spiders web and knows it as you love and hate and be indifferent and passionate and begging for more) of a perfect world (where love isn't hate and disgust and lust and so much more that you can't comprehend it all) where this is not something bathed in blood under the shadows of the moon.

You fear but not for yourself (because you don't quite understand this like you think you do) because you know how deep you are (but you do not, because in the end you are just a foolish child).

You say it doesn't hurt (through your lies your mouth tastes of blood, though) and you believe nothing will hurt you in this high as you fall (but it isn't the fall that kills you, it's the landing - and you forget this) and you say you understand the consequences and think there are none (because you can't quite believe that perhaps there will be consequences. You still have a child's belief of your own immortality and you don't even realize that you think like this) and you fall, and fall, and fall (but the ground is rushing up at you, but you don't see, you never do) and this is your eternity (but eternity is never that long, and forever is only broken promises, and the grounds getting closer) and you are waiting (for nothing, but you never believe that. Who wants to know the truth when the lies are so pretty) and you don't know why (but you do, you are waiting for the landing to come even though you believe it won't) because this is love (and it isn't as much as it is) by the light of the moonshadows (covered in blood) and it will last forever (but you know that it isn't true. Forever is eternity and eternity doesn't last that long) because it is love (and you are lying and you know it but you don't because you are still broken and a child).

You close your eyes and wait for the fall as hate and guilt and pain and love whisper in your ears of a forever (that will never last) bathed in blood soaked moonshadows. This is your everything and your nothing and you can't let it go no matter how much you want to. This is you, this pale shadow drenched in tears, broken in all the ways that matter (even as you scream in your head that it isn't true, it can't be true).

You are terrified and broken, a child in the dark waiting for someone to rescue you and you want it all to stop but you don't and it won't. You say it doesn't hurt as you try to pretend but it never works because you can feel your soul being eaten away bit by bit every day and soon it will all be gone. You like to pretend that you don't cry to yourself in the dark of the night sitting on your bed, too. This is your life, you are falling, and you think nothing can hurt you but you forget that it isn't the fall that kills you, it's the landing.

You are falling and no one is there to catch you (the ground is nearer each time you look, so you don't). You let go and scream even as part of you loves this dark, dark love that is not love and courses through your blood like poison. Lies are so pretty, after all, and this type of love is the best kind of lie that blazes like fire as it destroys you and everything you know. This is your eternity and eternity is never that long, forever only broken promises, and the grounds getting closer. You have shattered in all the ways that matter, bathed in blood under the shadow of the moon. You are risking and losing and you know (in some small area of your mind) that this is the end and that your future broke at that first kiss. You are falling.

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