Secrets

October 14, 2009
By , East Haddam, CT
Honestly, I love my friends. I can tell them anything and they’ll keep my secret. But for some reason, I didn’t think I could tell them this one. It’s not like it was some big thing, but sometimes I felt left out. I felt like even thought they were my friends, there was a lot they weren’t telling me. They weren’t my best friends, but they were close to it. So, that’s how I decided to keep this secret to myself.
Everyday I would be myself, laughing, joking around, and just talking with my friends. I hoped they couldn’t see the secret in my eyes because they would feel betrayed. Betrayed that I couldn’t tell them this little secret. I wasn’t lying to them exactly. I just wasn’t telling them the truth. I wasn’t telling them anything.
I called my friend later that day. “Hey.”
“Hey. What’s up?” she asked.
“Nothing. What are you doing?”
“Just hanging out. How about you?”
“Same. I just finished my chores. Talk about boring.”
She laughed, but I could hear a little hint of something. Was it distrust? Or was my mind just tricking me? “So, you seem a little distant lately. What’s wrong?”
I did? I thought I had been doing a good job of acting normal, but I knew I couldn’t keep a secret on my life. “Nothing’s wrong. I’ve just been in a quiet mood.”
“Tell me the truth.”
I sighed.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Come on,” she urged.
I knew I couldn’t keep it from her.
“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
“What? Why?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t really want to say it now.”
“Tell me,” she begged. She kept begging and urging me to tell her what I was keeping.
“Really, it’s no big deal.”
“Then you can tell me now.”
“I just…like this boy.”
“Who is he? Do I know him? Is he in our grade?”
“Yes, you know him and yes, he’s in our grade.” I blushed as I realized I was about to tell her who I liked. She was going to be the first to know. The only person in the whole world to know who I liked. I whispered his name.
“No way. Aw, he’s cute. How long have you liked him?”
“Well, I don’t know exactly, but it hasn’t been that long.”
The next day I felt uncomfortable because we had a class together. Me, my friend, and my crush. I kept my head down in the beginning of class feigning sleep. That’s when my friend called my name. I held my breath.
She only needed help with her homework for her next class. I let it out. Calm down, I told myself. It’s not like she’s going to say anything and he doesn’t know. He’s not going to know.
I had promised myself I wasn’t going to date in high school anymore because all the guys were immature. But this one boy had taken my off guard and I had fallen for him. I smiled to myself. For the rest of class, I thought about him and his smile.
“Now everybody, we’re going to do a project. You can all work in groups of three. Pick your partners,” the teacher said.
I looked back and smiled at my friend. She smiled back and I turned around. That’s when I heard, “Do you want to work with us?” to my crush. It felt like my heart stopped.
“Sure,” he said. My body went all warm inside, but now I was nervous and working with him was all I could think about.
We went to the school library to work on out projects. He sat in the middle, between me and my friend. She talked to him a lot and he talked back. While I was doing my work, I heard my friend giggling. I never knew I could get so mad at her. It was jealousy, I realized, and I tried to get rid of it. Little did I know that my friend like him too and she was trying to steal him away.
This was why I hadn’t wanted to tell my friends my secret. In case something like this happened. Over the next week we worked on our projects and each day my “friend” sat next to my crush. I had stopped talking to her and I think she was genuinely confused as to why. I rolled my eyes when later she asked why I wasn’t talking to her.
I stopped sitting with her at lunch and during class. I couldn’t even look at her without wanting to hit something.
The day our project was due we handed it in and presented it to the class. I stood off to the side with a grimace on my face without even knowing I was doing it.
After all the projects were handed in we got another one. Unbelievable, but this time, we could only work in pairs. I waited for my friend’s voice but it didn’t come. Maybe she realized I was really angry with her and wouldn’t work with her.
I held my breath when I heard my crush’s voice.
“Do you want to work with me?” I didn’t know who he was talking to, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t me.
I didn’t say anything. Then he called my name and my eyes popped open. I turned around and looked at him.
He repeated, “Will you work with me?”
I glanced at my friend and she was just sitting there smiling.
“Sure?” I wasn’t sure what was going on but I went with it. Mostly because I really liked this guy.
I got a chance to know him better and by the end of the day I was really happy. When I got home the phone rang. “Hello?” I answered.
“Hey.” I groaned. It was my so-called friend.
“Yes?”
“I’m really sorry.”
“About?”
“Telling your crush that you like him.”
“What!”

“Well, he didn’t understand why you weren’t talking to him, so I told him you were nervous because…you like him and he said he said he likes you too.”
I was so surprised I couldn’t even say anything.
“What—why didn’t you tell me?”
“I know I shouldn’t keep secrets, but I got mad when you told me you liked him because you kept it from me. You kept a secret and I thought we could tell each other everything.”
I was flabbergasted and I started laughing. She started laughing to and we made up over the phone. I ended up going out with my crush and me and my friend stayed friends. We told each other everything. No secrets. Now I didn’t feel left out anymore. There were no secrets between us and we could both feel it. It’s better to get out your secrets because when you don’t there is a lot that’s not said.





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