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Biscuit Crumbs

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I throw Spot a biscuit crumb. Mom made biscuits from a can this morning, and when she broke the metal tube open the dough popped out like the bad guys' guts did in that game Mike's allowed to play but I'm not. I play it with him anyway. The crumb lands on the boulder that sits right in the middle of Spot's lake. I bought him the boulder for three dollars and eighty-five cents cause I thought the tank should resemble his natural habitat. I figured that then he wouldn't be as homesick. I wanted to get him the fortress made of tiny human bones too, but Mom said it was too expensive, and besides, what does a turtle need a fortress for anyway? I felt bad for leaving Spot unprotected, but she said it was unlikely that any of his natural predators would launch an attack on the tank.

The crumb is starting to get soggy, but Spot stays tucked in his shell. I guess he doesn't feel like playing fetch. Turtles usually don't. I tap on his shell with the tips of my fingers, making him into a little turtle bongo. Mike and me are starting a band, so I have to learn how to play the drums. We're either naming it Evil Head Crushers or just The Mike and Jim Band, which isn't as cool but would get our names on the posters and everything. Mom says we can’t afford drums right now, even though she just bought herself a big blue chair which is too the same thing. She says I should play paint cans or plastic buckets like the guy in the park with the big red tattoo on his face that Mike swears is of the sun but I know is a chrysanthemum. I know all about horticulture cause Miss Jennings let me take home a big book full of bug-eating plants cause she said I had a green thumb or something. Maybe we should name our band the Killer Plants.

I lift Spot out of his tank cause he doesn't poke his head out. Mom says turtles carry Salmonella, so I have to wash my hands real carefully every time I play with him. I told her Salmonella was a chicken disease, not a turtle disease, but I don't think she really understands. Moms can be so stupid sometimes, like when she makes me put a hot dog in my ketchup sandwich or when she called the principle even though I told her I lost my Transformers backpack, I told her, but she called and me and Mike had to hide in the playground tunnel all recess and we couldn't even come out when Miss Jennings blew her whistle and she didn't give us extra graham crackers like she usually does.

I talk into the black opening in Spot's shell where his head comes out and say Greetings Spot, cause he thinks that's funny, but this time he doesn't come out and I start to get nervous. Its hard with Spot, cause the shell stops me from putting my ear next to his mouth just to make sure if he's breathing like I do to Mom when she falls asleep on that big blue chair with her shoes still on and her hair all messed up, just to make sure. I don't know what else to do, so I just kiss Spot's shell, real quick in case Mike comes in an catches me kissing a turtle, he thinks turtles are lame, and then I place him real careful on his boulder and adjust his basking lamp to make sure he's warm enough and everything.

I run outside real quick cause I need to talk to Mike. Mike is the best friend ever, cause he’s a robot and so he’s indestructible. Mike’s mom is so cool. She lets him live in my backyard and go to school with me even though he already knows everything cause he’s got a computer chip brain. He gets to sleep on my big green bench swing at night, even though he doesn’t really need to sleep, and during the day he helps protect me from my enemies with his laser beams. Last week his mom got him a brand new guitar. I practice drums with a stick on the swing set pole. I'm getting really good. We decide to name our band The Mike and Jim Band. My mom's not as cool as Mike's, so she might not like the name Evil Head Crushers.



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