He's Everywhere

September 28, 2009
That night I dreamt of my first date with Luke.
He picked me up and took me to the annual Halloween Carnival.
"You look beautiful." He said. I looked at the black skinny's and white tanktop.
I was simple and beautiful.
"Thank you."
He won me a black cat at basketball and bought me cotton candy before we got on the feris wheel.
"I hope your having fun. I know I am." He gave me a look, like one I used to get before my father left.
He brushed away the tears and held my hand as I told him how bad he and my mother used to fight. And that now he was gone.
"It'll get easier. Give it time, you'll get through it. We'll get through it together."
I look at him as his face grew serious.
"I won't let this hurt you. I won't let you be alone."

My mother was shaking me as I woke up.
"Your going to be late if you sleep longer, you have to get up hon."
I realized that was one of the first moment's that had made me fall in love with Luke.
I put on my daily makeup and braided my hair on one side. I threw on my high collared leather jacket that hid my neck. It was pouring outside
so I added my grey hoodie underneath.
At night I would have dreams where I was scaratching at Luke's neck, but when I would awaken I would be scratching at my own. Last night was
enough to make them bleed. I had to hide them.
The braid covered the bald patches where my hair was falling out from the stress. I closed the bathroom door and leaned over the sink.
I took deep even breathes trying to calm myself.
When I looked in the mirror I saw Luke behind me laughing, and I saw every bruise on my body turn purple again. I screamed and threw my hairbrush at the mirror causing
it to shatter.
It cut into my hand deeply and left a few cuts next to the scar I had above my left eye from Luke.
I hissed and knelt on the floor. My mother was already outside so I doubt she heard it.
I bandeged my hand and kicked the wall hard as I could. I screamed in fury and my throat scratched and protested.
I was angry.
I was angry at myself for letting this happen for being so stupid and careless.
On the outside I was perfect.
But on the inside I was falling apart. Everything I was trying to keep together was coming un-done. I was going insane.
Luke was everywhere, in the back of my head, in my mirror. His anger had left scars on my body. My heart was pumping hard and I clutched at my chest and
broke down again on the floor.
It was becoming normal to see Luke everywhere now. In class he told me how stupid I was in, the shower he told me how revolting I looked, in my sleep
he beat me and burned himself into my memory's.
But what hurt most was the nagging feeling I had in my heart. The feeling of suffering through this all alone.
I felt like I was underwater and that if I came to the surface everything would come undone. I felt like my secret would kill me, so I stayed where I was hiding
beneath the water, hoping it would somehow take me down.

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Sammyjayx3 said...
Aug. 1, 2010 at 6:52 pm
 I loves this. I think it has a twisted side to it but thats what makes it brilliant(:
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