Does He Really Love Me?


“What are you doing!?” I yelled in shock, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Tears started to slowly build up in my eyes.

“I-I am sorry.” He told me with a blank expression on his face trying to choose his words wisely being aware of my feelings.

I barged out of the door of his apartment, which I had a key to. I rushed to my car and drove away as fast as I can, not giving him enough time to get outside and stop me with explanations.

When I finally get to my place; it feels as if it took forever. I drop my things by the door and run upstairs to the bathroom to grab some tissue. Maybe it will stop the warm tears from running down my face. Then, I go to my room and cry myself to sleep.

“Baby,” his soft voice is awakening me. “Where are you?” He walks upstairs and in to my room. He smiles at me, hoping that I will just forget what just happened.

“What do you want?” I ask, annoyed.

When he sees that I am still angry, his smile disappears and his voice deepens. “I want you to forgive me.”

“Why? So you can do it again? I don’t want to share you with another girl; I want you all to myself.” I grimace at the image of him with that other girl trying to forget it; but failing to do so. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t deal with this. I’m tired of going through this with you.”

“Well, baby, I am a man and I can’t keep waiting for us to get married so you can fulfill my needs. That’s why I go to other girls, and I’m sorry it has to be that way.” He looks at me with sadness in his eyes, trying to make me reconsider my decision to sleep with him.

“Well, you know I won’t do anything until I’m married.”

“Come on,” he says, grabbing me by the waist and leaning in to kiss me, “but I really love you.”

In my head I want to believe him, but my heart is telling me otherwise. I think about how confusing this is, and pull away.

“So your telling me if I fulfill your needs then you won’t go to other girls, you will stay with me and love me?”

“Well…” he was thinking of a way to avoid the question.

“This is a yes or no question, no explanations needed.”

“Yes.” He is almost whispering, almost too embarrassed to admit it.

“I can’t, and I won’t do it.” I try not to look distraught at what he just said, “So what do we do now?”

“Well, I know what I’m doing. I’m leaving since you won’t do anything.” He leaves the key to my house on my dresser and walks out my room, not even bothering to look back.

Oh no, here are the warm tears again, the tears I have been trying to hold back the entire time we talked. This isn’t the way I wanted things to go. I still love him. How could the man I love so much betray me this way? I wonder if he would still love me if I had done what he wanted me to do. Did he ever love me?