The Blaze

September 3, 2009
My dad had a fight on his hands today. A fight that was not planned or expected, but one that he was meant to be in the thick of. It was one that he had dreamt of, and the one my family and I had tried to avoid. It was one that God had sent for a reason.
This enemy that he faces, ruins lives. It obliterates memories, destroys hard work, and crushes any sign of comfort. Forcing people out of their homes, it spreads like a rabid virus. Now I sit in my bedroom, picking and choosing which memories of my childhood matter most. My first lost tooth, a picture of my friends and I, or the video tape of when I first walked. Perhaps all meaningless objects that will take up space to others, but to me they were my history. Even better, someone had just asked not just me but my family, to decide which parts of our life meant the most to us.
Struggling with being quiet my whole life, I often turned to nature as a solace. My front porch was my escape, it was my safe place. Now, as I peer out my front door, I see the opposite of relief. I saw terror, fear, and uncertain- ty. All of which ran through my veins at that very moment. The flames looked so close, it was like watching one big campfire. The fuel being homes and lives. The fire being the thing that destroys them all. The flames have been racing down the hills, like a cheetah determined to catch it’s prey. Stopping at nothing to catch, conquer, and devour.
I stare at the hills, confident my father was still up there. Attempting to save as many homes as possible, forgetting his own needs. He would probably fight until he died, which I was convinced he would. I began to think of my family, and every concrete symbol of my adolescence I had, packed in a box. So I decided to a big girl, and to be mature. I dropped the box, and tried to forget about my destiny.

So tonight, I will lay my head in an uncertain bed, afraid and quite alone. Knowing that my reality is your nightmare, and unfortunately, your nightmares just happen to be my current reality. A smokey, hot, and soot filled reality. One day I’ll begin to comprehend that it wasn’t just me that was affected by the blaze, but for now, I’ll just pretend that I’m the only person who matters. Because sometimes a little self-focus is just what we need to pull us through the day, and up out of the flames.

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Oh_ShelbY_XD said...
May 7, 2010 at 3:16 pm

tense in a good way


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