Do you ever find yourself thinking about the past? About all that you would change if you could. If you were given the opportunity. Do you ever find yourself blaming everyone possible for your current situation except the one person that is really to blame? Do you ever get tired of all these questions? I mean yes ok life sucks I get it. No doubt about that. I am well aware that life could have been so much better if I actually did something. If I didn’t let things get in my way. If I avoided the obstacles. If I didn’t succumb to all the pressure. If only I tried. Tried a little bit harder.
Maybe.
Maybe then I wouldn’t be thinking what if. But that’s all my life’s ever going to be. A blank page. A big question mark. That’s all I’m ever going to ask myself. What if.
I’m thirty two years old. Its February 6, 2009. It’s 6:52. It’s Friday night and I’m just getting home. iCarly welcomes me into my now fourteen year rented apartment and a wave of fatigue flows through my body. My mother cooked tonight and the savory taste of spaghetti with meatballs makes my mouth water. It’s been a long day. And I’m tired. Sometimes I wonder why I chose this life and before I can the two answers greet me with smiling faces. My daughters. And at the moment all’s forgotten and I sit down for dinner with my family.
So how’s school.
Fine.
You get used to the one word answers after raising two kids by yourself.
Anything new?
No.
I can’t help but smirk because we all know the routine. In about five minutes, my youngest daughter will take over the table talk. Having completed half of her fifth grade year, she is all ears for drama. She’s at that age where she thinks she knows everything, and sometimes I believe she’ s close to it. Her attitude is remarkable; you can’t help but love her. But she is a sweet girl.
5, 4, 3, 2…
“Today Maggie didn’t talk to me…” I calmly listen but it is the same story every single day. Maggie is my youngest daughter’s current best friend. You see, it changes every week. I slouch a bit in my seat, take a sip of water and become all ears for the All Saints School’s Inside Scoop by Daniela Simone Diaz.