Alone

August 8, 2009
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“What are you doing?” I said shaking my head as I talked.
“I’m not putting up with this world anymore. It’s not worth it.” She said in the silence. Her voice ricocheted off of the trees and violently echoed throughout the whole forest.
“What do you mean?” I asked, completely confused. “I know life is hard, but if it was easy than it wouldn’t be called life.”
“Yeah yeah, I’ve heard it all before, but you just don’t understand. Nobody does.” She said looking down at the ground and then back at me, yearning for my response.
“I know. I know that nobody gets you and I know nobody understands, but that doesn’t mean nobody cares. We love you. I love you. You’re my best friend.” I said with as much compassion that could seep out of me, even letting one tear fall.
“No. No. No. You can sit here all night and tell me all these lies, but I know what’s right. I know what I have to do.” She said reaching to her side and pulling out a gun from its holster.
I stood in shock as she took the bullets out of her pocket and loaded the gun as if she was born doing it. She finished and looked at me with tears pouring out of her eyes.
“I’m sorry. For everything I’ve ever done to you. You were the best friend anyone could ever have. I love you, but this is what I have to do. I hope you understand.”
“No. Don’t. You know you don’t want to do this. If you wanted to, you wouldn’t be crying.” I said trying to veer away from the fact that my best friend was 5 feet away from me with a loaded gun.
“I’m crying because I know that you are the only one that will miss me and because I want to do this, but not with you here.” She said wiping her tears away with her gun-free hand.
“Everyone will miss you and you know that. And I’m not leaving here without you; alive and well.” I said crossing my arms across my chest to show her that I mean business.
She giggled lightly and then looked up at me smiling.
“Hey! Why are you laughing? This isn’t funny!” I said putting my hands on my hips to show her that I was very upset.
She giggled again. “You’re so funny when you try to act serious. It’s just not your forte hun.” She said smiling, but then wiping it away. “But there is a note for my parents and you in my bag, plus the list of stuff that I want to go to you. Everything else can be sold or something.”
“You can’t be serious. You’re 16. You can’t do this.” I said picking up her bag and pulling out the two letters and the list.
“Tell everyone I said goodbye. Now you behave yourself and live happy.” She said looking at me with a smile. She walked up to be and kissed my forehead. “I believe in you. Don’t think about me too much and I promise I’ll come and hide your homework and spy on you.”
“Please. Just don’t. I’ll do anything.” I pleaded.
“No no. You’ll be fine. Now you stand right here and I’m gonna go down there.” She said pointing to a dark spot surrounded by trees. “I want you to take my bag and the papers and go home. Don’t worry about anything. Everything will work out.”
I nodded my head in submission and clutched her bag and papers against my chest. She took a few steps back and pulled a necklace out of her pocket. She put it on and that’s when I realized that it was her friendship necklace from when we were 11. Hers was the left side of the heart that said Best and mine was the right side that said Friends. I had put mine on this morning because I felt like I was going to need it for something and boy was I right. She walked back up to me and held out her half while I held out mine. We placed then together and they fit just like they were supposed to. She looked up at me and smiled.
“Best.” She whispered softly.
“Friends.” I whispered back.
“Forever.” We whispered together. She stepped back and blew me a kiss.
“Catch yah later.” She said. She always hated goodbyes, even when we were little. So every time I would say “goodbye” she would say “no, catch yah later.”
I smiled at her gently and nodded my head in agreement. She turned her back to me and walked into the deep black forest. It was silent for what felt like an eternity until a loud noise came from the trees. It echoed and then left quickly. I didn’t jump and I didn’t’ move. I stood there motionless staring at the black area that I had let her go into. I began to shake uncontrollably and I fell to my knees into the brown soil of the forest floor. I cried hysterically for hours until finally I fell over on my side. I laid there for the next 3 hours and clutched what was left of her close to me. I wanted so badly to walk down into that black hole and find her there laughing and dancing around, but I knew that what had happened was real, and that I would never get her back. I was alone, so cold and alone and I knew I would stay that way forever.





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