"Not again" I thought as my door hinges squeaked, a sign that someone was entering. "Please, not again." This time i said it out loud. A face peeked into my room through the slight opening of the door. My mother grinned a cruel, twisted smile. "What did i tell you about closing thisss door?" She slurred drunkenly. "I-im sorry. I wont do it again, i promise." I promised half-heartedly. It was a useless effort. She and i both knew what was going to happen next. She raised the belt and i sighed. It didnt matter anymore. I was used to the pain. Besides, i deserved it. It's what she said every time. I believed her. I mean, she was my mother. She wouldnt lie to me. She brought the belt down hard across my legs, a shriek escaped my lips. It was a stupid mistake. Screaming just made her that much angrier. She frowned and brought the belt down again, harder this time. Tears streamed down my face silently. "A few more minutes," I lied to myself."A few more minutes and she'll leave you alone. She'll go pass out on the couch like usual." But the minutes soon turned into hours, and i couldnt take it anymore. I jumped up. She stared at me wildly, her gray eyes full of shock and disbelief. "What are you doing?!" She growled at me. I took the belt from her now limp hand. "Im doing what i should have done when you first started beating me. Im stopping you." I threw the belt on the ground and put an arm around her waist. She leaned on me. "C'mon Mom, let's get you to bed." I knew that tomorrow it would happen again. This same exact routine. Her beating me, me fighting back, me helping her. It was our usual song and dance. But,this time i understood. She didnt mean to hurt me, it wasnt her. It was the liquor. That's what made her hurt me. But as much as i loved her, i couldnt let it hurt me anymore. I tucked her in bed, put a few of my belongings into a small suitcase and walked out the door. Making sure to lock it behind me, i cut myself loose from all the memories that i had there. Of my mom before the alchoal consumed her. I couldnt remember them now. If so, i'd never be able to leave. I sighed and opened the door again. I couldnt leave.
April 27, 2009