Attempted Suicide

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She sat there waiting for him to come.
Glancing down and eying the dirt sitting just bellow her fingernails, she watched and longed for the time to pass and knew it would eventually stop.
She knew it wouldn't be long, she just knew it wouldn't.
She looked around.
She tried to decifer the world.
She tried to imagine what was on everyone's mind.
She tried to take away her anxiety by focusing on what she was looking at.
She gave herself several mental notes.
She wished she was like the dolled up girl far to the right of her.
She wished she was as intellectual as the young man reading his book over in the corner.

But, ultimately it didn't matter, because she knew he would be there soon, and all of her pain of the past and present and future would be gone.

Her palms started to clam up and sweat.
Her heart started to beat a little faster.

She knew it wouldn't be long, and he would be there.
It's what she asked for.
She knew he wouldn't let her down again.
She just knew it.

She felt like standing to pace, but she couldn't muscle up the movement.
She also didn't want to draw attention to herself.
She felt as though the world was watching her, but at the same time as though no one cared.

She had been waiting now for 25 minutes.
She knew he would be there within the hour.
She was starting to get antsy.
She was starting to feel like she didn't want to see him.
She felt as though she wanted to leave.
She had to stay focused.
This is what she wanted, right?

Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick.
She hated time.

She saw that it had now been almost 30 minutes.

She started to panic.

She didn't want him to come now.
She was starting to regret the plan to meet him.
She was starting to become overwhelmed with the idea.

She ran away from home over a year ago and she knew that she had no way of contacting anyone.

She had to figure out a way to get out of there.
She had to.

She knew if she didn't, she would never have her life again.

She looked around.
She was trying to zero in on someone who might be able to help her.

The subway was rather full for three o'clock in the morning.
There had to be someone to help her.

She saw a man in scrubs over in the distance, just leaving the train.

She called to him.

"Help me sir! Please, help me!"

He walked over to her and looked at her puzzled for a moment and said, "Yes?"

She said, "I don't have much time. He is coming and I need help to get away from him."

He responded with, "Who is coming?"

"The angel of death is coming...I've been waiting now for 30 minutes since I took a bottle of Xanex."

The next thing she new she was waking up.

She looked around and saw white.
So much white.

Where was she?
What happened?

She layed there for a while.
She waited.
She was good at waiting.
She knew she was ok now.

She heard voices and she tried to speak, but couldn't.

They came in and looked at her.
She heard them talking.
Feeling the freezing air coming down on her body, she immediately realized she was in the hospital.

What where they talking about?
She knew it wasn't good.
They had saved her life.
She realized it was going to be ok.

She realized that she needed help.

The next morning she sat up a little and looked to her bed table and saw a Bible.

At that instant she realized that all she ever needed to do was call on God. She never needed a telephone or transportation or anything.

She just needed to open her heart and listen.
For once her thoughts stopped racing and she was completely calm.
Knock knock.

She could hear Him rapping at the door.

She jarred it slightly to look and soon after swung it open.

She could here Him beconing for her.
She was quick to answer.
She knew she had screwed up, almost to the point of death, but
Now she will live forever.
And now she would be okay, she knew everything would be okay.





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Little2Feet said...
Jul. 21, 2009 at 11:22 pm
I liked it a lot! I was a bit confused (but I'm sure it's just me since I am known as the 'Blonde in Disguise' at my house) about whether she died or not. But I did really like it!
 
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