Oliver peers out his window to see an outside as white as computer paper. The snow has been coming in hard recently and a storm last night dumped down even more.  He smiles and begins to pour himself a cup of coffee. Snow was Addison’s favorite. Oliver chuckles as he is reminded of this. Oliver never quite understood why Addison loved it so much, just that she did. They’d lived in Northeastern Minnesota for their entire lives, and she still ran outside each time the first flakes began to fall to catch some on her tongue. Snow has always been just a part of life to Oliver but to Addison it was much more. The snow brought in a whole new world. 

Oliver finished the rest of his Coffee and rinsed out his mug. He grabbed his keys off of the key ring on the wall and stepped into the winter wonderland waiting outside for him. There were loud crunching noises creaking out from the snow beneath him as he walked to his truck. He hops inside and starts heading into town. It’s Saturday morning and he only has one goal for this trip…donuts. He makes the 15 minute trek into the local shop to scoop up a half dozen. Enough to last him and his favorite person. Having secured the donuts, Oliver parked back in the driveway and opened up the door. After taking the key out from the lock he looked up into the kitchen to be pleasantly surprised.

“Daddy!”

A young girl almost eight years old begins running towards Oliver.

“Bailey! Morning kiddo”

They embrace for a hug. A good hug, the type of hug that automatically turns a smile on your face without even meaning to. 

With the energy from the anticipatory donuts, and the weekend flowing through her. Bailey races over to the sink to wash her hands. 

After polishing off a jelly filled donut, Bailey crashes onto the couch and throws on some cartoons on the tv. While Bailey was getting lost in her cartoons, Oliver found himself consumed by the grief. Like a dark, eerie upcoming storm waiting to swallow him. Feelings of angst and doubt begin to consume him. Addison was the glue that kept Oliver stable in life. She had that kind of guidance and support that made you feel confident in yourself. Oliver missed the hours they spent together on the porch, shooting the breeze or being comfortably silent. While taking in the sights and sounds of the nature that surrounds them. He misses the fact that she always insisted on baking Bailey a homemade cake for her birthday even though she was a horrible baker and the cake always came out looking like a jenga tower that had fallen onto its side. 

Addison loved Bailey so much. Bailey was Addison and Oliver's first kid but it seemed she was some parenting guru. Oliver remembers always trying and failing to calm Bailey down when she was wailing as a baby. While Addison just came over and was able to read that baby like a book and almost immediately be able to put her asleep. Addison showed Oliver how to be a great parent. Now with Addison gone Oliver is nervous to go down the parenting journey without her. Suddenly a sharp memory from two years ago flashes into Oliver’s mind. He was at work when suddenly he got a call from Addison

“Where are you?! The Dance starts in five minutes”

Oliver remembered feeling his heart drop as he realized he was about to miss Bailey’s dance recital that he had promised he’d go to. 

Oliver feels his heart begin to race as he mentally  falls into a string of bad memories. His mind begins to erode as he feels more and more lost in his parenthood skills. He looks over towards Bailey seemingly engulfed in cartoons. The poison of unconfidence begins to take over his brain. Oliver doesn’t know who Bailey's second grade teacher is, he doesn’t know what her dentist's name is. He sulks in silence to himself as he accepts his defeat as a father.

Still engulfed in cartoons on the couch, Bailey catches a glance of the napkin littered with donut crumbs. She reminisces back on a time all three of them ate donuts together on Saturday mornings while doing a puzzle on the kitchen table. She then thinks about her moms death. There were tears,  and lots of them. The realization that she was never going to see her again tore her apart. She remembers how warm and comforting her dads chest felt when she broke down into tears and buried her face into his shirt as he broke the news to her. She remembers sleeping in her parents bed with her dad for the next month because she felt safe and protected. She smiles as she remembers her birthday three weeks ago when her dad made the ugliest looking birthday cake imaginable, but it tasted so good. The flood of memories makes Bailey love her father even more.

Overflowing with joyous feelings Bailey grabs her napkin and hops off the couch. She heads over to the kitchen and throws it away. Oliver, still in a poisonous state of mind staring down at his coffee. Was suddenly snapped back into reality when Bailey gave her dad a kiss on the cheek and a big hug. 

“I love you daddy”

Oliver felt the destructive feelings flush out of his brain, as a pleasant look of shock takes over Oliver’s face as a smile begins to break through. Oliver feels a whirlwind of emotions as his eyes begin to well up with tears.

“I love you too.”