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Diary Entry (1)
I’m hurting so bad. But it hasn’t always been this way. Last year I was ok. Last year everything was ok. But that’s all gone and I'm stuck in now. Which sucks. ‘Cause I feel like a bug on my back that’s wiggling back and forth but still can’t get up no matter how hard I try.
I’m fourteen years old and I want to die.
I may be the only person in the world like this but it’s ok because I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to die.-
Diary Entry (2)
I picked the place. It’s a bridge, one hundred feet from the river so I know for sure that when I go I won’t end up a vegetable or anything like that ‘cause I’m gonna jump and hang and it should only take a minute.
Before this I made it through life by cutting. But don’t think that I’m emo or anything ‘cause I’m not. I’m what most people would call normal except I know that I’m anything but.
I hate myself. And I’m not the only one. Everyone hates me back. I can feel it by way I walk in the room and everybody turns- away. By the way I’m treated as invisible. As nothing. Which is how much I’m worth.-
D. E. (3)
Sometimes life can’t get any worse. There is always a point where you can get no lower, can hurt no worse, can want to die no more. I’ve reached it.-
The day could not have been any worse I knew as I lay alone, curled on my bed. I had barely convinced myself to get up this morning because I wanted to die so bad. But I’d made it. I’d made it til now, eleven o’clock at night. It’s dark outside and raining. But other than that it’s completely silent. So silent I can hear my heart pounding in my chest, faster than it should be. I’m scared. ‘Cause I’m done. Done with this, done with life, done with everything. I’m giving up.
Slowly, I lift myself from my bed and pull out the rope I had kept hidden in the closet for so long. I think about writing a note to my parents but decide against it. I have nothing to say.
But I do want to tell one person. I pick up my cell phone from where I left it on my desk and dial the numbers without thinking. I need to tell one person good-bye. He’s my best friend, the only one I talk to but he doesn’t know everything. He doesn’t know how far I’m ready to go to get rid of all this freakin’ hurt that weighs me down.
I think I woke him up.
“I-“ I start to say something but I can’t get it out because I’m sobbing now. I don’t know why- I haven’t cried for a long time.
“What’s wrong? Are you ok?”
I curse myself for making him worried. I hadn’t thought this would be so hard. I take a shuddered breath.
It comes out as a whisper.
“Wait! I’m coming-“
But I hang up before he can finish. I don’t want him to come.
I’m hurrying now, ready to get this over with as fast as I can. It’s gonna be painful.
I run downstairs, not daring to look at the doors which I know my family are sleeping behind and slip out of the house being careful not to slam the door.
Outside it’s cold. The rain slaps my face as I run down the side walk. The streetlights are glowing a cold, unfriendly yellow.
Finally I can see the bridge, blurry through the rain. My hair is soaked now, hanging in strings across my face that I angrily push away.
I’m here. Standing over the foaming water that looks about a million miles away. And suddenly I’m scared. You can do this, I tell myself, You have to.
My fingers slip as I tie one end of the rope to the bridge and the other to my neck. You can do this. You have to. By now the water on my face is not only rain but burning tears.
“Wait! Stop! Please…”
It’s him. He came. In an instant I wonder how he got here so fast and how he knew I was here.
I stare at him running toward me.
“Don’t do it! Please don’t do it!” He grabs my shoulders but I pull away. “Why? Why are you doing this?”
“If only someone loved me,” I whisper.
And then I jump.