Shattered

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Shivering in the darkness of her bedroom, she stared through her window into the black and deathly still night. The pain wracking her body was excruciating. Hugging her knees to her chest, she tried to hold herself together. Forbidden sobs exploded from deep within her. There was no clarity, only her tears.

She couldn’t help wondering what would have happened if life had taken a different course. If she hadn’t fallen in love with him those ten years ago. If she hadn’t drawn close to him over the course of those years. If he hadn’t proposed. If she hadn’t accepted. Would she still be here, crying out her pain? Diving deeper into her despair?

There were too many unanswered questions: “whys?” and “hows?” and “what ifs?” The future was as unclear as her blurred vision. The past was a memory that only brought pain. The present? Only moments of loneliness, crushed spirits and remembering.

Where was the understanding in her heartbreak? What was the reason for this sorrow? Surely this could not have been part of The Plan. Something must have gone very wrong.

What was she going to do? More than anything in the world, she wanted to give up. Run away and lose herself to grief. Leave everything behind and escape the pain. Life had no purpose now.

But that was impossible. She had a responsibility to the precious little boy who lay sleeping beside her bedside, oblivious of what he was missing and why his mother cried incessantly. His smiles and laughs were so much like the one she had lost. They had the same twinkling eyes. The same face that had never failed to make her smile. This little boy was all she had left. No, she couldn’t leave.

Life would never be the same. She would never take anything for granted ever again. Everything was far too dear. She didn’t know if her heart would ever heal again, but she had to try. She had to try for her memory of love. She would press on for her baby boy.

“God,” a voice far away cried out, “give her the strength to try. Give her the strength to continue loving. Wipe away her tears. Comfort her in her loss.”





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SwimmerQueen said...
Jul. 3, 2009 at 8:00 pm
STILL making me CRY!!!!
 
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