The Smell of Defeat

May 27, 2009
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She hated the smell of hospital. The smell of being clean and sterilized of everything bad. The sound of patients groaning in pain and the soothing voices of nurses that don’t care. She lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling, listening to the Doctors speak, but not taking in a word. He hands were being held by her husbands firm grip.

She felt her husband double over as if in pain when he was sat next to her. She slowly turned her head toward her husband and leant into his shoulders. He put his hand on her head and soothed her, stroking her face and playing with her hair.

“I’m so sorry baby”.

“Why are you sorry Dan? It’s not your fault, its no one’s fault.” She said weakly.

“I’ll leave you two alone” The doctor said, and the fading sound of his footsteps was the only noise in the room for a while.

Two lone tears leaked from her eyes and made their way down her face, until one of them landed on the hand of her husband. He turned to her, and she could see that his eyes were filled with tears, and the thoughts of what could have been.

“She’s going to be beautiful you know.” Dan choked.

“I know she will. She will be even more beautiful with you raising her. I just wish I could be there to see.” Her voice cracked on the last few words, and burst out into tears.

“Am I a bad person Dan? Why do I deserve this? I haven’t done anything wrong, I have never wished anything bad upon anyone. Why do I have to deal with this?

“I don’t know. It shouldn’t be you. It shouldn’t be anyone. It isn’t your time.”

“How will Laura know that I love her Dan?”

“Because you are her mother, and the best mother in the world. A mother always loves her child, no matter what, and she will know that. I’ll tell her everyday.”

“Thank you.” She said, as they drifted off into silence. Her hand would sometimes tighten around his when she was thinking about a painful memory or the things that she would miss. She would miss his smile, his kiss, his presence. The way that he hated feet and would only have milk with cereals. All the things that made him who he was. They had made a life together and were happy for three years. They welcomed the birth of their daughter Ashley, who was only one year old, and completely unaware of the situation.

Meanwhile, the victim was quietly thinking about her life, what she would miss in the future and from the past. She believed in Karma to some extent, which is why she couldn’t understand why she was a victim. She had been respectful her whole life, she had never cheated nor stolen. She had never bullied anyone or hurt anyone. She was a mother, a daughter and a friend. She was only 25 and she would never get the chance to really grow up. She would never see her daughter turn into a beautiful young woman, she would never see her husband become successful. She would never see her parents or her friends again.

“I have to make my peace with this Dan.” She sighed in a defeated voice.

“What do you mean? There must be something that we can do. Anything. I will take you anywhere in the world, as long as you get the right treatment.” He tried to reason with her.

“I don’t want treatment Dan. I don’t want to be transported from place to place. They said that I have one of two choices. To go into surgery and die, or just wait it out. You got your wish.”

He looked up at her, confused.

“What do you mean? How did I get my wish? What wish?” His speech started to speed up. He started to sweat and the smell traveled to her nose. She knew that she was right.

“I know about the girl you have been seeing Dan. I see her outside the room sometimes, peeking to see if you’re in here. Is she why you did this?”

“Did what?”

“You’re very convincing you know.” She smiled at him. “Is she the reason that you were driving the car that hit me?”





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Katie S. said...
Jul. 18, 2009 at 7:04 pm
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