There you are.
I’m just waiting for the perfect moment.
But then it passes and I just tell myself maybe next time...
That’s been the same routine this past month.
I should’ve told you sooner.
You’re leaving.
Today.
In 30 minutes.
I cant even begin to explain how I feel right now.
I think back to the first time I saw you.

There I was, the new girl. Correction: the late-to-class new girl.
Trembling with tears that were about to burst out while trying to look calm.
The entire class had their eyes on me.
So much for blending in.
Searching for someone who would offer comfort until...
I noticed you with how gorgeous and confident you looked.
I was lost by then, you captivated me the instant I saw you.
The butterflies had already started to flutter in my stomach.

I think back to the note.
How easier it was than telling you in person.

June 12, 2006
Well, this is about the craziest thing I’ve ever done but before you leave I’ve got to be honest with you. I like you. Wow. Those three words for some reason are so hard to say.
Yeah it’s true I haven’t been able to tell you before. I wanted to say it in person, but guess I’m not as confident as I thought. Somehow you knock that out of me whenever I try to tell you. When you told me you were moving I probably felt as sad as you did when you first found out. I never did imagine that Id have to rush in telling you. I always thought you’d be here forever. You know? But I guess everything backfired and here I am writing this letter when you’ll be gone tomorrow. After seeing you date my friends and not pay attention much to me you would think I would’ve gotten over you. But I didn’t.
Just want you to know that Ill miss you & I hope you have a great summer, a great life.
Love,
Melody

But now I am reminded of the sadness and emptiness I will feel when you’re gone.
I should’ve told you sooner.
I scold myself for not having the courage to.
It’s raining, perfect.
The weather is now matching my mood.
At the gym in my t-shirt and shorts, I know I should be elsewhere.
I have to talk to you.
Now, before you leave.
I walk to your house, your empty house.
As I am getting soaked and start to shiver I pray for help to get through what I was about to do.
Right when I’m about to press the doorbell I catch myself.
What am I going to say?
What will I do?
Am I ready to do this?
No.
I turn myself around and start walking back.
About halfway, I stop.
What am I doing? I say to myself.
I wont ever get the chance.
I have to do this.
I want to do this.
My feet lead me on my way and I find myself back in front of you door.
I call your name.
No backing out now.
There, standing in front of me, you are.
Your eyes show confusion and shock.
That’s understandable.
My mind is going insane and I don’t know what to say.
Be casual Melody, just be casual.
Not much dialogue is going on.
“When are you leaving?” I ask.
“Uhm—tomorrow morning,” you uncomfortably reply.
I can tell that there is an awkward feeling between us.
Questions are short and simple,
answers are straight and to the point.
“Are you ready to move?” I wonder aloud.
“Not really…”
“..Oh”
“I can’t believe you’re actually leaving. I’m really gonna miss you.”
“Thanks, yeah me neither.”
This conversation just held by a small thread…
I CAN NOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!
I gave you another note and reassured you it's not like the one I gave before.
But this note is about my favorite past memories with you.
We have a history together that started in the fifth grade.
So young and naive.
The tension is just too nerve wracking.
Once again I remind you, “I’ll miss you…”
Now it's time for goodbye.
It's so hard and painful.
I act calm and collected.
But inside I'm screaming and sobbing.
The urge to run up and kiss you is overwhelming,
but that's all in my fantasy world.
This is reality.
I walk up and give a last friendly hug.
Even that seemed—awkward.
Way back in my mind the possibility of you actually liking me
and that the awkwardness is caused by that is pondered on.
But why start making pointless wishes?
As I turn, I take one last look at the boy who has changed my life forever.
Then, I walk on into the rain and start back to the gym.
I hoped so badly that you’d come after me
and whisper words I had been waiting so long to hear.
Again, another thought of my own fantasy world.
It was the last I saw of you.
The rain was my comfort that day.
I could cry so much, but no one would notice.
What a relief that was. I cried my heart out until I could cry no more.

A tear everyday never hurt anyone.
I cry for you, boy, I cry for you.
You're the only boy I've ever cried for.
I know I should've told you sooner,
but what is done is done. Can't change the past.
And now the rain and sad love songs give me comfort.
They help me to never forget about a boy, a girl, and another love tragedy.