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All For Him
The caffeteria was packed with kids, just like the 179 other days of school we drag ourselves through. People pushed and shoved to get a spot in one of the lines, joking and laughing at one thing or another. The scene was always the same.
But the monotiny had been broken for me, and me alone. Exactly one week ago I had set eyes upon someone who would change my life in more ways than I could have thought possible. Of course it was a guy, and just like all those songs written for people like me, he didn't know I existed.
I had gone from grudgingly ambling from class to class, to darting through the halls in an attempt to memorize his scheduel and therefore synchronize our routes for maximum visibility. Even one glance at him as I moved into the Algebra room was enough to keep my heart pounding faster than must be considered healthy.
I sat down at one of the lunch tables where my friends were chattering away. None of them understood what I saw in him, they thought he was average at best. But to me, he was perfect. And I was determined to make them see my logic.
"Did you see what Chris was wearing today?" I asked dramatically. In perfect timing six pairs of eyes rolled in my direction. They were at their limit and I was still building steam.
"It was a white sweater," I stated. "Usually I don't like sweaters on guys, but it looks great on him. I swear, he's the first guy I've seen that has any sort of fashion sense." A few mumbled acknowledgments, most of them were selectivly deaf.
"He's not even that good looking, Anna. Seriously, find someone better." That was Kelsee, my best friend. She was beautiful, of course, but at the moment I was frustrated with her lack of sympathy for my dire situation. Didn't she realize how my world was coming to a halt?
"Whatever. He's goregous." I folded my arms, refusing to give any ground. I was right, and I knew it. No doubt in my mind.
But that's just it. There was a terrible, nagging doubt that kept me awake into the morning hours, turning over options and possibilities. You see, I was fat. And I'm not talking about the kind of girl that stands in the mirror making faces at herself just to hear compliments. No, I mean real life overweight. And it killed my chances at so much as a single worded conversation with my soul mate.
I looked down at my lunch tray. It was same as always, a slice of pizza with some french fries and a milk. With a sudden ferocity that stunned me I was repulsed by myself. What was I doing? He was a senior and the school year had only a few months left. I was wasting valuable time that could be spent changing myself to be exactly what he wanted, and I was sitting here stuffing my face like the idiot that I was.
Standing up I headed for the trash can and dumped my untouched tray. Kelsee was next to me, eyebrows raised.
"Not hungry?" she asked. I nodded, inviting her excuse.
"Nope. I feel a little bit sick, actually." It was perfectly true, I felt sick with myself.
She shrugged and walked back to the table, no worries on her mind. I looked at the food sitting in the trash can and smiled.