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Dieing to young

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As the day light faded to darkness, the play day was still in mid burst. To three year old Joshua, the sun setting was just a reminder that bedtime is nearer. The absents of the sun does not stop Joshua from running after the dog’s tail, and throwing as many pillows and blankets on the floor as humanly possible. He is like a little pillow hurling sugar baby.

“What a dream come true.” Said Joshua’s father.” “He takes after his father.” Said Joshua’s mom, who had been trying to conceive a child for some time now.

To an outsider looking in, the Hinler family was the perfect family. The back yard filled with green lushes grass, and an old oak tree: that may someday contain a tree house built by father and son.

As of this moment, life couldn’t get any better for the Hinler family. However, they are about to figure out exactly how fast life can change.

Joshua was now 4 years old, he hadn’t grown much, but he was still a shining young boy. Bringing smiles to his families faces everyday.

By age 5, Joshua was ready to start kindergarten, his parents couldn’t believe how fast the past five years have gone by. As Joshua and his mother went shopping for school supplies, Joshua was so excited. He couldn’t stop talking about the pictures he would draw, and the friends he would make. And all of a sudden, his nose started to bleed, not rapidly, and only for a brief moment. In that time it practically scared his mother to death, but then she thought just to wipe the blood away and forget about it.

As kindergarten rolled round, Joshua had started being so happy. Always bringing home pictures for mom to hang on the refrigerator, and at parent teacher conference, the teacher said Joshua was doing very well, and that his positive attitude really helped the rest of the class. Brad and Sara were so happy of there young boy. Life was in mid bloom, and they thought things would only get better from here.

As Josh blew through kindergarten and was on to 1st grade, he had grown almost a foot in a year, it was amazing. He was growing so fast, and the little baby was almost unseen in him.

Throughout Joshua’s life, he began getting little “one drop” nose bleeds all the time. He was now in third grade and had many nose bleeds recently. At the parent teacher conference, the teacher explained that she had seen a sudden change in Joshua’s actions, and personality. Sara much agreed, and had seen many of the same changes, but didn’t know what could be causing them. At home things where fine and Joshua had just started blue prints for the tree house him and his father where going to build. If anything he should be very excited.

Later in the school year, Brad, and Joshua where talking, and Joshua decided that he didn’t want to build the tree house, and he started yelling at his dad about how he didn’t want to do any of it. This out brake was a true wake up call for Sara and Brad, that something was happening to their Joshua.

Sarah decided that maybe she should try talking to josh and seeing if he will tell him what is wrong. Joshua ended up not saying anything to his mother about being angry and sounded rather sweet. It’s almost like these changes in temper where instant. One second Joshua would be the young cute fourth grader that is parents knew, then the other second he would snap and start throwing things like cups everywhere.

As new parents, Brad and Sara didn’t really know what to do about Joshua, or if it was normal. So Sara asked her sister who was a mother of three. Her sister said that Joshua was having very common emotions and that all of her children did the same thing at that age.
Sara made Brad take Joshua to the doctor and get some tests done to see if something was wrong with his brain. The tests took hours and to Brad seemed to be pointless. Joshua was being very calm and still for almost the entire time.

As Joshua and his father waited in the meeting room for the doctor, not a word was said. As the doctor walked in, he had a rather bothering facial expression, which worried Brad. Although the doctor ensured Brad and Joshua that there was nothing to worry about and all the tests came out good. So maybe Joshua was just having some wining fits which were common at this age.

Sara felt different about the situation; she had never seen any kind of fits like these. She still watched Josh closely for the next few months, and everything seemed to be flattening out.
Life went back to being good fot the Hinler family, Joshua and his dad finished the tree house in about a year, and it looked good. Joshua would go up there everyday after school.

He was now in the fifth grade, and nearing the end. His blooded noses were still big problems, but no one in the family thought much of it.

One night after school Joshua was watching TV, Sara changed the channel, and almost instantly Joshua went into one of his screaming fits. However, this one was much worse, Joshua was much bigger now, and could throw bigger things like lamps, and boy was he taking advantage of it. In the middle of Joshua’s fit, his nose started bleeding vigorously. After the longest ten minutes of Sara’s life, she finally got Joshua to calm down. And wipe the blood from his face. The next day Sarah demanded that Joshua go to the doctor again. So Brad took him to the same doctor, and Joshua seemed rather comfortable with the idea. Well until they put him in the M.R.I machine. Almost as if it was timed, Joshua started screaming right when he entered the machine. So the doctor rushed to pull him out and Joshua’s nose had started bleeding again. The doctor wiped the blood and attempted the test again.

As Brad and Joshua sat in the so familiar waiting room, Brad couldn’t believe how the visit to the doctor had gone, there was so much screaming and it blew his mined.

As the doctor entered the room his facial expressions were the same, and Brad thought that was a good sign.

The doctor swallowed hard and with a deep breathe explained to Brad that Joshua had cancer growing on the top of his brain causing his emotions to swindle randomly.

Brad felt as if he just drank acid, the back of his throat stung, and his stomach churned. Cancer? He asked. Yes. The doctor replied.
Almost on “Q” Brad broke out into a burst of question, throwing them at the doctor at a thousand words a minute.

As Brad walked in the door, Sara met him; he tolled her about the doctor and the cancer. Sara instantly broke into tears, much like Brad wanted to do. She didn’t even have time to ask questions between tears, the only thing she could do was wish things where back to normal, and back to the old days.

The next day, both parents met with the doctor, he explained to them that Joshua has a cancer infection the size of a big eraser growing on the top of his brain. He said that it wouldn’t have been a problem, but that the cancer has found a way to root itself into the brain, and that it was in-operable. He said that the bloody noses that Joshua was having where results of built up pressure in the brain. The doctor suddenly stopped and sighed. He asked the already crying mother and father if they where ready to hear the hard part. Brad nodded. He said that Joshua’s life on this planet would not be as fortunate as others, and that he would die before he entered eighth grade. The parents where in shock and pleaded the doctor to be able to cure him. The doctor was out of things to say and only replied by saying sorry than leaving the waiting room.


Joshua’s parents couldn’t move, they where antiqued by sadness, and couldn’t do anything but cry. The car ride home was silent, and sadness filled the SUV. As they got home, Joshua had already gone to sleep, so the parents decided not to tell Josh until the morning.

The sun came up 9 months later and with it came the sleepy seventh grader who didn’t want to go to school. Joshua was now in the seventh grade, and still was unaware of his condition. As for his mother and father, they had almost forgotten about the whole thing.

As Friday came around, the parents both received a call from Joshua’s middle school saying that josh had passed out from what seemed to be a loss of blood through the nose. Both parents rushed to the hospital, and met their wonderful little boy. He was laying still and quite in a bed, the doctor took the parents back into the waiting room. He said that the cancer infection had tripled in size, and was attacking Joshua cerebellum, medulla, and cerebrum all at the same time.

He said that Joshua would not last for much longer; he said that Joshua was so near death that he wouldn’t be able to leave the hospital.

This truly hurt Brad and Sara, they wanted to cry hard and long, but they couldn’t, it’s almost like all their tears had been dried out, or used up.

At home things where quite and almost boring, the sound of little feet filled the house, and the memory of their once little baby was everywhere.

They continued to visit Joshua in the hospital regularly. Brad didn’t go as much because he thought it would make it harder to say good-bye in the end.

One visit, Joshua was awake and talked to his mother for as long as he could. He said one thing that truly struck his mother as a surprise. He said “Mom if I die, will you still love the guy in the sky” then silence filled the room while tears filled Sara’s eyes and Joshua fell asleep. Sara had never been religious but due to Josh’s circumstances she had been praying for the past few months to God not to make her boy leave just yet.

As days went bye, sadness crowded the air in the Hinler house.
Until the day Brad and Sara had to rush to the hospital one last time.

Joshua’s cancer infection had grown bigger in only the last months and had infected the part of the brain that controls the lungs. Joshua had been artificially breathing for the last 45 minutes. It was finally time for Mr. and Mrs. Hinler to make a very tuff and painful decision. The machines that Joshua had feared for his whole life where now the things that where keeping him alive. The choice was whether or not the turn the machines off, and let Joshua pass away.

The parents reacted as any parent would. They had a big decision to make, and needed to figure it out together. After what seemed to be days of thinking and talking, the parents both came to a conclusive agreement.

Joshua was to be taken off those machines immediately, and be put to rest. The doctor filled the parents request and turned the machines off.

It’s almost like a part of both Brad and Sara died that night with Joshua. A piece of them that Joshua took was gone and would never be returned, or replaced.

The funeral for Joshua Hinler was held on July 22, 2008. Not many people attended the funeral. Sara thought that was a sign of how young he still was. Sara was angry, angry at the sky, and angry at herself. But also, more than anything she was sad, not the sadness you feel when your cat dies or you get when you get a bad test score. But the kind of sadness when your heart is ripped out, and put through a shredder then put back in your chest.

As the casket was being lowered into Joshua’s final resting place, and tears drifted from Sara’s eyes, she looked up as if talking to a guy in the sky and just said “I will still love you.”





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