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White, all I ever see is white. I can sit, stand, jump, hell even run forever. But it’s always a white room that goes on, and on, and on. I have no sense of time, it’s rather boring. I miss my boyfriend Jeff and my best friend Diana. Man, whatever this is, wherever I am: it plain sucks. The only thing I look forward to is this overwhelming occasional warmth. It’s the one feeling that keeps me going.
There’s that feeling again, it’s such a rush. It feels like hand warmers are packed inside every inch of my body. What, is someone holding my hand?
It’s Jeff! I miss you so much!
“Her eyes, they’re flickering! Diana, she squeezed my hand!!”
I’m touching something, someone. Fine, I’ll grip harder. I want out of this white mess. Jeff! Jeff!!
My voice, it’s my real voice. Not just my mind gibbering back and forth. I think my eyes are opening for real, man that light is bright. I can’t help but squint my eyes, I see a nurse. Ahh, much better, there’s Jeff to the side. He’s kind of blurred..
“Jenny! Stay with me, you’re back. I can’t believe it.”
Tears were running down his face, I’d never seen him cry before. What the hell had happened? Everything is getting clear, Jeff is right by my side. A rounded nurse, attempting to block my view keeps shining that light in my eyes. Diana is sitting on the chair in a corner staring in disbelief.
“What…what happened? Why am I in a hospital?” I tried to move my arm, it felt like twenty sand bags had been added to my weight.
“Jenny…you’ve been in a coma for three months.” Diana said.
“Go figure, I’ve been in a white room.” I laughed out, my stomach clenching to hold onto something but not succeeding. “No, really, what’s the deal?”
“No lie. Jenny we were in a car accident. You weren’t wearing your seat belt and your head hit the windshield pretty hard.” The nurses left eye twitched and butted in.
“Jenny, you were in a coma for three months. Upon being flown from your seat at 30 miles per hour, you’re lucky to be alive let alone waking from this coma.” She changed her direction towards the other two. “You guys need to make her relax. I’ll be back soon.” The nurse who didn’t introduce herself waddled out of the room, fierce woman but I actually don’t mind her.
“I can’t believe it, I mean three months? What have I missed? School, what the heck am I going to do..I can’t afford to get bad grades, my job! Oh my gosh, what”
“Shh, calm down its okay. We’ll worry about that stuff later, the nurse said to relax so you’re going to relax. Do you want something to eat or drink? More pillows, really anything.” Jeff blurts out in one breath, I guess he needs a chill pill.
“How about a walk outside? I don’t even want to deal with this right now. I feel like I’ve been trapped for three months! And I have! So get me out.” Diana finally cracked a smile and Jeff was laughing.
“Oh man, can’t stop you can we Jenny? Even after lying in a hospital bed for so long you’re still on the go. You haven’t changed a bit.” Jeff went on. He had always told me he liked me like that. I really was antsy, I needed some sunshine. I didn’t want the answers, or at least not at the moment. I went to move my leg, no success.
“I can’t get up, will you guys help me?” Diana quickly jumped up and briskly walked over to my side. Jeff wheeled over a wheelchair and they managed to get me in the seat. It felt new, every movement I made was like my first time. This wasn’t going to be fun. Jeff and Diana were both quiet, I guess it must be weird I’m awake. I should be the one whose miss silent though.
“So, what have I missed?”
“Not too much, mostly us stressing over you.” Diana said. She seemed bitter, yet totally sorry. These emotions are messed up, I’ve obviously never experienced a coma person or however you want to say it. When things are normal again, I’ll be happy. Diana still looks the same, maybe a little chubbier. That’s really unlike her; she’s a total health nut.
“What’s up with the chub?”
“What?” She looked nervous. Oops bad idea to bring that up, I have a tendency to say the wrong thing sometimes.
“The belly, you are so obsessed with your health. Got the munchies without me?” I smiled up at her. She still looked nervous, glancing at Jeff. They had always been great friends, its perfect when your boyfriend and best friend get along. My mind was searching…could it be?
“You and Colton! You’re finally pregnant! Aren’t you? Right, right?!?!” We were just getting to the door, my wheelchair bumping over the door frame. It was a beautiful sunny day, my favorite.
“Umm yeah. I didn’t want to startle you though; the nurse said you need to relax.”
“I know, I know but this is just fine. You had been planning this baby anyway, so it’s not that much of a surprise. But still, it’s great!”
“Ok, just calm down a bit then for my sake. I mean, I don’t want to be the one to bring you back into a coma!” I just laughed.
“Yeah right Diana, I’m out of this coma and staying out! Blab your heart away. Anyways, what does the doctor say? How far in are you?”
“The baby’s healthy so far, alive and kickin’.”
“And how long?”
“I’m almost three months in.”
“That’s great!” Jeff had been pushing me, I squeezed his hand. It felt good to know what the warmth was from now.
“So, when’s the wedding now? Are you having it after the baby instead?”
“Yeah, how did you know?”
“Oh, I just know you well. I mean it has only been sixteen years.”
“Oh quit it, you’ve always thing you’ve got me figured out.”
“That’s because I do!” we laughed. It had only been ten minutes but things were starting to rekindle. Jeff was still quiet though…I suppose it had been pretty harsh on him. Four years we had been together, we were talking about kids. It’s all better now though; I’m out of the white madness.
“How about we get you inside? I think it’s been long enough..” Jeff went on being all overly protective. I loved him for that anyways.
“Aww, babe we just got out here!” He kissed me on the cheek and started rolling me back in. I blushed, I guess it really had been a while. Smiling on the thought I gave up my resistance. I reached my hand out and rubbed Diana’s belly.
“I like this. Jeff we’re going to have to get on a roll here so we can have kids around the same age!” Diana backed off a bit, what’s up with her? Jeff just rubbed my back in response. Right away I felt like the walls were coming back.
“I’ll be right back. I need some coffee.” Diana ran off, not much of an expression present. Jeff turned my wheelchair around so we were facing each other and got on his knees holding both of my hands. He looked tired.
“Diana, you know I love you right?” Oh my gosh, he’s proposing! Not exactly the most romantic place, or the best time. But knowing him he was flipping when I was gone and just needs it now. I don’t care, I love him too.
“I know Jeff; you know I love you too.” I smirked at him, keeping his gaze.
“Diana’s baby is mine.” He blurted out, “Don’t be mad, please don’t be mad. You’re my one and only. The coma and the accident with all of us was just such a shock, I couldn’t handle it. The night after it all happened you seemed to be gone forever…Diana we just needed comfort. It just happened. Understand please, she doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s you and always has been you.” I just stared at him, my mouth slightly open. The walls were coming back now, Diana was in the doorway. That baby is here, Jeff’s baby. The love of my life..the walls were closing in.
“Diana? Diana…please say something?” I was back to the white world. The warmth was there, but it’s not the same…
“Her names Jenny” Diana said quietly to her mother. She smiled over at Jeff. “Can you believe it? She’s beautiful Jeff.”
“I know she is…I just wish..”
“Jeff, it’s okay. She woke up once, it’s been six months but there’s still hope. When she wakes up she’ll understand. We’re not together, it just happened.
“I know Diana. I just can’t stand to look at that baby right now; all I’m reminded of is the betrayal to the love of my life.”