The Life I Had...

December 2, 2008
By Anonymous

The day before my first day of high school was the most nervous day that ever crossed me. I was scared to enter the new school and of all the things that come with high school, like the peer pressure, the pressure to do drugs. I was mainly scared of the drugs.
I am the youngest in my family so I have to try hard not to be a failure to my parents. My older brother had just graduated a year early. He skipped his freshman year so he was, yes, very intelligent. He was the leader of all the nerdy clubs, the guy who would get home and study all day; the guy that would read a book a day. He was the biggest nerd in school. Although he was the nerd, my parents saw him as the perfect child. Then they would get to me.
I was not “the perfect child.” You could say that I was the complete opposite. I would get B’s and C’s on my report cards. I would get in trouble at school, even get kicked out at times. My parents saw me, as the second child, the failure of the family. They saw me as a mistake.
It was my first day of high school. I dressed like all the other cool and layed back kids in the high school dressed. I had all good classes, but one. The one class I dreaded going to was Basic English, 8th hour, the class with all of the older kids that fail every year, the bad kids.
I started off with a bad day, getting homework in every class, until I saw it. I was in that bad class when I saw it, the thing that my brother told me to never get involved with, the thing that I knew nothing about: DRUGS.
A senior was dealing weed right in front of me, to some emo kid. The emo handed him $30, which, to me, was a lot of money. Then they both put what they received in their pockets and went back to not paying attention to the teacher.
The next day was better, not much homework, until I got to English. This time the senior was selling weed to a different guy, the other kid gave him $30, too. Then they went back to not paying attention. Then the teacher left for a moment to go to the bathroom. This is where it got weird. The senior turned around at looked right at me, right into my innocent eyes and asked me if I wanted to make a purchase. So, of course, I was shocked and said a purchase of what? All the other students laugh at me. He said weed. I told him had no money on me so maybe some other time.
The day after I was offered weed, my mother gave me exactly $30 for school lunch money. When it got time to pay my lunch money I had forgotten about it so I still had the money when I got to English. I that same kid asked me if I wanted to buy some. I wasn’t really sure that I wanted to, but almost all of the class was listening to our conversation. I thought to myself, “I have the money and, maybe, for a while, I can skip some lunches so that Mom won’t find out.” I figured that it would make me look cool to all of the older kids in the class. I would be the cool freshman that people liked to talk to, and maybe I would even get invited to some parties. Then I thought about what my brother had said to me, that I should never, ever get near or involved with drugs. What did he know? He was the nerd of the school. So, out of spite, I bought $30 worth and went home a very different boy.

When I got home, I didn’t know what to do with it, so I went to the computer. I went online and found many different ways to use it. So I used it and felt very different, not necessarily in a bad way, but different. I felt like everything around me slowed down, I felt that everything was more focused to me. I felt happy.

The next day when I woke up I emptied out my piggy bank and found $25. When I went to English and bought more. I was surprised with myself, but I like the feeling that it gave me. I continued buying as much as I could when I got the money. It started out as only buying it once a week and slowly using it up, but then it became more addictive and I became a whole new person. I was desperate for drugs; I would do anything and everything for the money. I would even steal from my own family.
A couple times I thought back to what my brother had said and I wish I would have listened. I don’t like what I became. I wish that I would have been more like my older brother. I no longer see him as a big nerd, but as the guy that is very wise and smart. I see him as my role model now. I see myself as the failure to my family.

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