i missed the train and it's almost dark now. the sun is hovering above the distant horizon, and the sky fears for it's absence. it is turning shades of pink and orange, hoping that the sun will notice and stay a bit longer. dont leave me, it says, i am not myself without you. there is no one here, the train station is deserted and all the shops have closed. Only a single piece of paper rides the wind past me, scraping the ground as it goes. i want to catch it, hold it in between my fingers, and read the words scrawled in thick black ink. i need to catch it, because it could possibly be a message from the one who has all the answers. i need the answers and i need the meaning, because without them everything seems so grey. but it eludes my grasp, and disappears behind corners and into a darkness i am too much of a coward to walk into. i have a strange, sad feeling that something big has just happened. and that everyone i ever knew, loved, met, lost, or saw in my dreams was here. photos of them fly in my mind - there are hundreds of them, thousands of them, but i cannot recall their names, no i never know their names. some are strangers i never met but saw in dreams, and awoke the next morning trying so hard to remember. some are characters from books that i knew better than my neighbors, knew better than my closest friends. some are people i lost, and never realized i missed. one of them, was you. they were all here for a few breif moments, before scattering into all the corners of the world, on different trains that lead everywhere away from me. i wonder if they looked back. i wonder if they knew i was coming, would they have waited a few seconds longer. i wonder if anyone will come back for me, if anyone will realize that i missed my train. i am afraid now, because it is getting darker and darker. there is a lonely streetlight by the train tracks that emits a sublte glow. and i know it wont give me any warmth, but i walk to it all the same. everything is so quiet i can hear the sound of my breathing. everything moves so slow, so slow. but sooner or later it will be over. there should be a speed limit to time, because everything is moving so fast i can barely realize what is happening. speed limits on time would prevent the thousands of accidents caused by not having enough seconds to say the words you know would save them.
May 21, 2009