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CRAZY

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What is mental illness?
Is it just a state of mind?
Is it like a missing key of the brain?


My name is Olivia nothing else Just Olivia.
I’m nothing special I’m just like you and me but some people may call me Crazy.

It gives me chills when I think about it, about how it all started. How did it all start?

I faintly remember running frantically down a long dusty road at 10 at night. It was terrifying. I was chased by the one person in the world I should trust. My Father.

After a lovely day in the sun with my dad we set out for tea. Awkwardly he led me to a pub. As soon as we got there he started acting very weird and as I ordered my meal he slid his hand over my knee he got quite close to me and I smelt his breath on my cheek. Alcohol. I started to panic

Run

That was exactly what I did, RAN!

Down the street everything went blurry I ran past all the people as they stared back at me. My father was screaming
“Olivia! OLIVIA!”
Then as I reached the top of the hill, everything just… stopped. I went blank and saw only one thing. A boy, little but evil he looked straight at me and he said… he said
I’m Damien. I’m here and I’m not going away. I AM HERE IN YOUR HEART. You are projecting me here I’m not real but your mind says otherwise.

Then within a flash he was gone.

“Wh- what? What?” I Screamed in the middle of the street.
With a little whimper and moan I picked up my feet and kept on running consumed with thoughts of “Damien”.





I never thought I’d ever see a doctor like this before but I mean there is a first time for everything right?

Psychiatrist
It isn’t very fun to talk about what you talk about at a psychiatrist but there are a lot of questions about this and that but the main thing was that in the end the doctor used one simple word, which was all! One simple word to describe why I saw a boy in the middle of the street and that one word was this…

Schizophrenic

I’m nuts! Crackers! Off my rocker! Disturbed! Mental, Crazy.

“Why are you here Damien. Why can’t I get rid of you?”

Because you don’t want to get rid of me, deep down.

“IT’S NOT Fair”, I Yell.

Yes it is you nasty piece of filth

“No it’s not,” I cry.

Down on my hands and knees. Don’t cry I tell myself. Don’t cry… PLEASE!


“Where am I going?” I question my mother,
“To Dr. Hasbroth”, She replies,
“Why?” I ask,
“I found you last night in a warped position like a statue, you had cuts all over your body.”


It’s 7:00pm and here I am talking to a psychiatrist. How’s it going to end I ask myself. The whole time I was in talking to the psychiatrist I wasn’t really listening because I was listening to Damien.

I will be waiting for you at home.

“NO!” I yell out.
Dr. Hasbroth just looks at me very confused.

The ride back home was very quite, mother and I didn’t say one word until we reached the house and that was then that the words of Damien started to sink in

“I will be waiting for you at home.”

When we reach the house I refuse to get out of the car and a silent tear rolls down my cheek.

“Why?” Mother asks.
“DAMIEN!” I screech then start slamming my body back and forth vigorously. Mother leaves me. She just leaves me! Hatred bursts through my tears and love escapes from my heart.

I slam myself back and forth continuously until mother comes back and hands me the phone.

It’s Dr. Hasbroth.
“Mental Institute” He says bluntly.


Mental Institute

“Hello Olivia, Do you know why you are here?” the Nurse asks.
“To get better,” I mumble scared.

And for the next four months I stayed in this mental institute hoping to get better, but I don’t think it was working

“ARE THERE CAMERAS HERE WATCHING ME?” I yell at a nurse,
“What are you talking about?” the nurse says calmly.
“DAMIEN IS WATCHING! HE’S WATCHING! HE IS ALWAYS WATCHING ME!”
I fling myself off the bed and run over to the bathroom
“IN HERE, HES WATCHING ME!”
“AND OVER HERE,”
“AND HERE!”
“HE IS ALWAYS BLOODY WATCHING ME!”
The nurse goes away and then comes back with a tablet.
She tells me to swallow it.
I do.

I calm down and fall asleep.

“Ouch!” I bang my head as I wake up.
Its morning, I get up and I feel quite good I go for a walk around and meet all the people there.
Bipolar
Schizophrenic
Anorexic
Tourette

All kids just like me.
I feel normal around them and I almost feel happy.

Is this it am I better? Can I leave?

Yes darling of course your better.. NOT!

Sad. Isn’t it?





Schizophrenic

Every day and every night you haunt me, my words don’t come out correctly nor do they make any sense. Your name is Damien you come to me at my most vulnerable moments. At night, at the bus stop, At school. You live inside my heart.

Scream for me my darling

“GET AWAY FROM ME YOU DON’T KNOW WHO I AM…”

Come closer, I will tell you a secret.

“Stop it. JUST Stop it” I Plead

GIVE UP.. GIVE UP.. You will kill yourself from the inside out.

I fall to the ground I cradle my legs in my hands and swing back and forth tears roll down my cheeks Damien steals moments of my life away, “Help me”, I whisper praying god will hear me above every other lost soul.

Eyes shut. Leave it all behind forget about it he can’t stay here much longer.

“Damien” I whisper.

No answer..

Am I safe yet? Is this episode over yet? Can I sleep yet?

Yes.

Before I can say anything else I here another whisper

Sweet dreams baby but you know that your so called god will never rescue you from this nightmare just wait a little bit longer and you will die

“No!” I scream sweating and frantically looking around.

Die my darling.

Gather all together for this one.

Why is this happening to me WHY ME? WHY THE HELL IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?

This isn’t happening to you its happening to what's inside you… I am eating you from the inside you don’t deserve to live.

“Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! STOP IT, MAKE ME HUMAN OR KILL ME NOW, WHAT HAVE I BECOME I’M NOT ME NOR WILL I EVER BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE….”

And in this lonely world I grab my knife and lay it to my heart.
“If you live inside me then the only way I can save myself is to get you out”.

With that said I grab my knife and stab right through my heart.

“UTTER PEACE” I scream.

And in the words of Shakespeare himself the most brilliant words in poetry history the simple words ‘He died’ or in this case.. She died.

Problem Solved.





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