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A living Nightmare...
It all started at a rave. Our last rave, infact, for Sean and I. Just days before our wedding...hours from the last day of highschool for the two of us.
It was his idea for me to let loose, and attend the last rave for the both of us before we started our new life togethor,as one. We were walking on the beach, the moon
was big and bright. The music was playing in the background. I began to let myself loose, I began to get "in the mood" for crazy highschool but then thats when I heard a gun
The shots of a bone peircing gun, cutting through the sky I innocently thought. " Holly..." Sean yelled out to me, though i had no idea why because i was standing by his side.
"Whats wrong?" I asked him very concerned. " My back...my back.." He said. I felt his back...and Iealized he'd been shot. His blood, running down his back,
dripping from my fingertips. " We have to get you to the hospital." I shouted trying to help him stand straight. "No, Brianna." He told me. " Sean please! I can't hold you up on my own. I need your help!" I screamed.
"Mom?" I spoke into the phone. A tear rolling down my cheeck. " is everything ok?" she asked. "Mom, Its Sean...he's been shot." I said trying to very hard to keep the tears in my eyes from falling.
"Oh, My God! Brianna What happened??? Where are you?" She asked. "I'm at St. Pauls." I replied. "Sweetie everything is going to be fine. Im promise."
She assured me. " Just hurry...I don't know how much longer I can hold myself togethor." I told her, and closed the phone shut. From the on until my family got here I was in a daze. In my own world. No sound, no color, no Sean.
Just me...all alone. I don't know if I wanted that or not but it didn't feel right. My life without love? My life without Sean? Impossible, because without
Sean...my life wouldn't be worth living. I would have no life. I felt as if he died my breath would be cut, and I would die along with him. A life without my bestfriend, my lover, my fiance...I just couldn't imagine.
When my mom saw me she had tears in her eyes, and I couldn't help to let myself go then. the look in her eyes...making me feel like it was safe to cry,to be scared, to be angry, to be confused...to be...wondering.
I was somewhat safe to loose control of my emotions I'd been keeping inside all this time since he got shot.I thought to myself...there is a possibilityy of him not surviving...would I cry more?
Would I ever be able to control myslef? Will I be stuck on this colorless, soundless, lonley world of mine? He won't die though, he can't die. GOD wouldn't hurt me that way. Why would God ever want to kill Sean, knowing that my soul
and love would die along with it? I was wrong though...completely. God would do that...and he did. Sean died at 1:21 on Friday May 12. The doctor all dressed up in his green scrubs didn't help with bringing
us the news we had already knew in our hearts. The waiting room full with sorrow and tears, but I'd already cried myself out. I'd known all along he wouldn't survive.
Its not that I had long hope in my baby's strenth...but i knew him well enough and I knew that he wouldn't want to fight it. No matter how much he loved me, he would think that this was all GOD's choice, his "plan".
My mom said always pray to GOD...beleive and he shall make miricales and such. I did believe before...but was that small pinch of doubt kill Sean? Was it really all my fault? That night my mom drove me home.
I sat in the backseat lookijng out the window most of the time. I wasn't thinking of anything. Just sitting, watching the world go by. Is this what was left of me? I walked into the house and the first thing said was,
"mom, you promised." One tear that was left of me had rolled down my cheek. She didn't say anything...and I ddn't expect her to, nor did I really want her to. Nothing she said could make this better. I took a cold shower, brushed my teeth,
changed my clothes, kissed mom and dad goodnight and slept away all that had happened. Hoping that when I woke all that ahd happened was just a nightmare. A living night mare.