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Tears

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I look at my mother, her tears begin to fall. As each one hits the floor, I feel my world shaking. I cannot believe I have done this to her. The one who kept me in as my father walked away. I look into her eyes, I want to cry, tell my mother I'm sorry. But I can't. I won't. I have done to her what she has done to me. But I can't help but feel sad. She has bought me everything I wanted, let me do almost anything & she cares about me. She loves me, but why isn't that enough for me? I can't let go of the past. Everything flashes back. Yelling, screaming, cursing threats. It takes me back to a time no one wants to go. A time where my misery was hidden by a fake smile, trying to hide the pain. Trying to pretend everything was okay, knowing deep down the emotional pain I felt was unbearable. I flash back to the present, in the presence of my mother. I feel angry but looking at her that anger vanishes, turns into sadness & depression. I've always wondered but never asked, If I weren't alive would mami be happy? Would she have been better off fulfilling father's wish? I want the answers. I need them, but scared for the truth. Will knowing bring happiness or push me over the edge? I couldn't ask my mother, I wouldn't want her to keep crying. I have caused her enough pain. I want to heal her. Make her happy, see her beautiful smile but all I see is her fading away slowly. Our world is breaking & I can stop it. Fix it. I know I can but I won't. Why? Why can't I try? Why can't I give her happiness? Why can't I just let go & forget? Why? Why? Why? I can't do it. I'm sorry mami, but I can't save someone when I need saving myself.



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dreamer_believerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 6, 2009 at 2:37 am:
great job :) sad and emotional but very effective :) keep writing cuz i really like your work so far! also comment on some of my work :)
 
XxMidnightKissxX replied...
Oct. 16, 2011 at 7:37 pm :

This is really good.

I can really feel the emotion and I like your sentence structure. Keep writing!

 
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Sairalicious said...
Apr. 29, 2009 at 3:57 pm:
good but please comment on my poem called Great Expectations
 
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Ambar M. said...
Apr. 28, 2009 at 10:19 pm:
Thanks for the advice
 
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penguin35 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 27, 2009 at 11:13 pm:
Great story. Very sad. It kind of bugs me though that it doesn't tell what she's done to her mother. Just a tip; if you want to write a real story, you have to spell out the word "and", not use the "
 
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