Thoughts Run Awry

There they are, laughing yet again. I sigh shaking my head. Why do they always laugh? What is so damn funny? Do they have any feelings other than pure, absolute joy? One of "them" whispers some private joke in another's ear. Then the giggles come pouring out like water bouncing and stumbling over a water fall and into a sea of bliss. I sigh again and think to myself "Oh well, I only have about fifteen more minutes of this until my savior the bell signals the days end. I can hardly wait for that moment when I can escape this mad-house.
She looks over at me, thinking God knows what about me, and asks if we have science homework. Great, a promotion. Invisible to daily planner. Terrific. I tell her the homework and turn away. I pick up my book and try to get lost in the plot like I usually do, but this time my thoughts won't permit it. After a few minutes of trying to read, I realise this. Instead I elect to just stare at the book to make it look like I'm reading when really I am thinking. Not really thinking, but pondering. Wondering about that life. The popular life. Where all the boys are cute to gorgeaus, and the girls are all skinnier than a blade of grass and wear the tightest clothes they can find. I start to think, what if? What if I had wanted to be one of them? What if I was one of them? What if I tried to be one of them, but was rejected? Would I be the same person? Would my friends like me? Would I like me? All these questions and more floated in and out of my mind like whispers of some distant being.
I would never tell my friends about these thoughts. They would mock my curiosity. That's all it is anyways. Curiosity. They, however, would perceive it to be a form of mutiny. I could never share this with them. Not even with my best friend. I must always be strong, and never give in. It is in the few moments of weakness that a life is forever ruined. It is these moments that I fear and dread.
All of a sudden I am drawn from my thoughts by the bell. I gather my things and head out the door. There are more important things to attend to now. All previous thougts leave my mind. I do not think of it again.





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