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Jason sat on the hard seat of the one-horse carriage. He pulled up to his destination, the train station. As he got out he paid the driver and patted the horse's rough fur. He was glad to finally get away from the carriage. The horse stunk from lack of washing and was always making that annoying clumping sound on the ground.

He walked away, taking a breath of air, tasting the train exhaust and the horse fur that had gotten into his mouth. He took another deep breath through his nose then wrinkled it. He smelled the gas form the train too.
He stopped, debated if he should go closer to the train station or wait for the coming train to pass. As he stood still he heard the chugging train getting closer and the people mingling. He also felt the wind, pushing him slightly to the side.

He looked at the sky then sighed, starting to walk towards the station once more. As he climbed the stairs to the platform, he noticed that there were restaurants and shops on the other side of the road. He decided he had time to spare and started walking down the stairs towards a bakery.

As he opened the door the smell of fresh bread hit him. He tasted the drool that was beginning to form in his mouth. When he got to the counter he ordered a loaf of plain bread, since that was all he had money for. As he picked it up, it warmed his hand. He was careful not to squish it too much as he put a piece into his mouth. It was lovely! He started eating it faster, half the loaf was gone by the time he had walked up the stairs to the train station. He put it away deciding he'd let his stomach rest and digest.

Just as he walked into the waiting area, the 5:00 train appeared. He walked toward the door, handing the conductor his 1-way ticket. He got to his seat, sitting down on the chair. "This is so much more comfortable than that horrid carriage seat." He sighed in comfort and took the out the bread. Just as he took a bite of the warm leaf, the train started to move. Slowly at first, getting faster, louder, and bumpier as he got closer to his destination.



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RelativetoWritingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 9, 2013 at 9:58 am
I love your descriptions of the carriage ride in contrast to the train ride, and you made the bread sound wonderful! Great flash fiction!
 
LinkinPark12 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 20, 2012 at 12:09 pm
It's quite well described, but the sentence structure and grammar need improving; it would make the story flow more. Also, what is the point on this story? I was expecting a climax, knowing what the destination was. Could the bread be poisoned? At the end, I wasn't very excited.
 
Gr8man replied...
Aug. 9 at 10:10 pm
more or less agree. some of the descriptions I found to be choppy and could've used improvement, but as an early piece it's not half bad!
 
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