Coldly Indifferent

November 26, 2008
“Would you stop pacing? You’re making me nervous.” Elizabeth was completely ignored by her friend, who was currently too wrapped up in her pessimistic thoughts to listen to Elizabeth. There was something about the clicking of the younger girls heals that made Elizabeth jumpy. “Jennifer, sit down. You’re getting worked up for nothing.” Elizabeth snapped in annoyance. Click. Click. Click.

“Please, Jennifer, sit down. I’m sure it’s nothing” Elizabeth said in a small voice that was rarely heard from her. This seemed to be more effective than her nagging. Jennifer made her way towards the sofa opposite Elizabeth before plopping herself down with a great sigh. Elizabeth rolled her eyes at her friend’ unladylike behavior. In the center of the small room, shabby coffee table served as a boundary between the two girls. The envelope stood out undeniably white against the brown coffee and tea stains, coldly indifferent that it was the source of poor Jen’s anxiety.

For a moment or two Elizabeth entertained an awkward silence while Jennifer stared blankly at the dust particles. “Well,” Elizabeth was slowly resuming her haughty tone, though her voice was shaking now. “Aren’t you going to read it?” Jennifer offered no response. “Would you like me to read it to you?” Elizabeth offered bravely, though she regretted it instantly after Jennifer gave her small nod of consent.

Elizabeth reached for the letter with a shaking hand and peeled the wax seal off. She began reading with a dignified cough. By the end of five minutes, the fears of both girls had been confirmed. Elizabeth looked up from the paper nervously, afraid she might meet Jennifer’s eyes. Fortunately, Jennifer seemed to have forgotten Elizabeth was in the room. Although she wasn’t crying she was staring outside the window with an expression of utter horror and grief. Elizabeth gazed in the same direction as her friend, swallowing the lump in her throat with a great gulp. It was noon now and the sun was setting in the sky. The sky was separated into beautiful sections of red and gold and pink, all of them overlapping. On any other day Elizabeth would have quite enjoyed this scene. However, this was Elizabeth’s first experience with death. She was covered by a wet blanket, where nothing (not even a beautiful sunset) could get to her.

“Try not to get too upset.” Elizabeth said in a poor attempt at consolation. “Worse things could have happened.” She said, although her own voice was shaking violently.

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WritingAddict03This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 12 at 7:27 pm
This is very good. However, there were a few things that I felt needed a bit of clarification. There were no significant details which gave away what time period this is happening in, so, while it is easy to tell it was probably in a war because of the letter Jennifer received, I was left wondering where and when Jennifer's family member died. Other than this it is an excellent piece, and I loved how descriptive you where. Please keep writing, you have a lot of potential!
quillpen said...
May 30, 2015 at 9:49 pm
Well done developing both characters so distinctively in so brief a passage. Well done.
BlottedInk said...
Jul. 25, 2013 at 12:54 pm
I must disagree. I really love how you captured that essence of sorrow that both girls must be feeling. Nice job, can't wait to read more of your stuff! :)
kikinthekiv said...
Apr. 27, 2013 at 1:43 pm
I really rather enjoyed this. Your imagry is honed and you write their expression of grief with realism. My only reccomendations would be to smooth out the flow of your phrasing here and there. It was noon now and the sun was setting in the sky. The sky was seperated into beautiful sections of red and gold and pink, all of them overlapping.  Right there I felt a bit of revision might be in order. I hope you keep writing. You've got tons of potential.
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