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The Light

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The air is heavy. Sunlight blazes down on people, who go about every day business. They are used to the heat. The whir of one thousand bicycles adds a mechanical tone to the city Market vender’s shout to passers by Schoolchildren laugh and yelp as they tumble their way to school, one trip and her schoolbag empties over the pavement. A young man runs as fast as he can down the street, dogging people as he goes. He is late .An old woman hobble along with a cane and her granddaughter’s arm to guide her. The crowd parts for her. Her back is doubled, her hands gnarled, her feet are heavy, still she continues walking. People move, each with his own thoughts. Everyone is bent on getting somewhere. The heat of people, with the heat from the sun is suffocating. Cats lie in windowsills, basking in the sun while it’s still just bearable. Dogs lie on the floor, panting. Their long pink tongs hanging out.

Azmi put her head on her desk. While teacher was out, everyone relaxed. Azimi was not good at school. She was given to thinking of other things during class. So much so that she could never make notes. Azmi was also given to tying her hair in knots. This strange habit aggravated her mother, who cut Azmi’s hair so short she looked mike a boy. Azumi now watched the sky. The sky was empty of clouds; it was one shade of blue. The sun was a blazing eye of yellow in the middle of the vast, desert like sky. The door closed. Azumi raised her head like a dog startled from sleep. Teacher was back. He began to point at something on the bored with a long wooden pointer. Azumi’s mind automatically began to drift. She thought of her gold fish at home. There were three of them, huge fat fish, with mouths the shape of eggs. Azumi fed the fish twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. They would each swim to the surface and open their mouths wide for food. They were so tame; Azumi could stroke their smooth, fat sides. This gave her great joy. If she ever got sad, she would remember that her fish loved her. Every time she was told to stand in the hall for daydreaming again, she would remember that those fish relied on her.

Across the room Naoko watched teacher intently. Naoko liked to watch people. He enjoyed taking the tram to school. He had a game, where he looked at everyone surrounding him, and tired to guess what job they had. If he got bored of that he had a game of seeing how long he could stare at a person before they noticed. Naoko was quite good at entertain himself, it seemed he could play with anything or anyone. He was often home alone, so this skill came in handy. Naoko looked at his classmates. His desk was right at the back of the classroom in the right hand corner. He loved this seat; it meant he could see everything that went on in the classroom. Naoko observed that Miu was sleeping, Mai was sneaking food and, Kiriko had mismatching socks.

Rei was counting the lines on his desk. He had gotten to two hundred and thirteen and a half. Rei got bored easily and enjoyed counting. He was looking forward to the holiday, when he would try and count how many leaves there were on the Bonsai tree at his friend’s house.

Teacher sweated like a horse. Every now and then he would dab his face with a towel. He did not want to admit he could not take the heat. His face was the colour of a plum. Everyday, straight after school, he would sneak down to the lockerooms and take a cold shower. That cold shower made his day. Every time he felt his white shirt staking to him, he would remember that shower. He tried to hide these cold showers from the other teachers, but he was a clumsy man and so cound not.

Azumi looked at the sky again. A small black dot had appeared in the distance. Azumi wondered what it was. As it came closer, Azumi began to think it was a plane. Because she was so bored, she decided to watch the plane as long as she could before teacher noticed she was staring out the window.

Naoko saw Azumi staring at something. This was normal. Out of curiosity he looked out the window nearest him. He saw the same empty sky, and the same blazing sun, and the black dot. He glanced at teacher, who was still talking, then squinted at the dot. It was much bigger now.

Teacher looked at the class every now and then. His eyes would flick to every student to see if they were paying attention. Azumi was never paying attention and Mai was always eating. He caught the usual suspects with his glance. Only this time, he caught Naoko too. Teacher had been waiting to catch that child for a long time. Teacher hated Naoko, mainly because he was one of those children who is always bad and always is too slippery to get caught. Having been one of the children who always got caught, teacher wanted to catch Naoko. Teacher had been practising what he would say to Naoko in the mirror. He whipped the sweat from his face once more, and opened his mouth.

A ghastly white light burst though the window. It enveloped the classroom and all in it. That heavily light ate them like a child eats candy. A huge wave of heat turned the classroom into an unrecognisable pit of fire. A black cloud sweped over the dozy city. Its smoky depths penetrated every nook and corner, every crease and cubbyhole. Thousands of screams were silecene, and thousands more died before lips could say them. A huge, moving cloud rose up above the city. It’s cloudy talons bit at the blue sky. Then, there was scilence. The once bustling city for the first time had no noise.



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Jappyalldayeveryday said...
Dec. 30, 2011 at 2:07 pm
This was a good piece. I liked the ending, of course.
 
Akane-Ree said...
Nov. 22, 2011 at 3:32 pm
That last sentence was very powerful. I think about new york, and how it never shuts up, ever, and could imagine the same thing, and how still... everything would be. it was a very good piece. :)
 
Hikari. replied...
Nov. 25, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Oh my God :( ..... thats so sad...... =..(

you wrote this so perfectly though. it was very real

 

 
FallibleAger said...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 11:12 pm
You replied back to my forum, which I thank you! So I went and read this story on your profile (idk how to reword this to sound less creepy, so sorry) but ANYWAY, I really liked this story. Itgrabbed me instantly and was very intresting, especially with WW2 incorporation. Great Job!
 
RyanTyler said...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Really, really, really good. There are a few spelling errors here and there, but it was still good. I liked how it was when the atomic bomb dropped, but from the victims point of views, humanizing them so we don't just see them as the enemy but as actual people.
 
AnimaCordis replied...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Thank you so much! This was exactly what I meant to do! I only wish i was better at spelling!!!
 
FlaviusJacobiusOssummuss said...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Wow.  I really like World War II, because my great uncle was an Army sniper on the Western Front, and again in Korea.  But, wow, this was good.  You had a few spelling and grammatical errors, but this happens all of the time for stuff this long.  Take my story, Upon Tigers, for example.  Grammar and spelling are some of my biggest pet peeves, and if you look closely you will see some in my work every now and then.  But anyway, I really liked this, and thought it was... (more »)
 
CarrieAnn13 said...
Nov. 15, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Okay, I have a bit of criticism.

1.  Most of your mistakes are consistent.  If you apply the criticism I gave you on the last four pieces, it would greatly help this story.

2.  A little bit of proofreading would be nice because you have 'cound' instead of 'could', 'mike' instead of 'like' and a few others.

3.  I really would like some dialogue in your stories, especially this one.  Don't be scared of dialogue!  It adds spice to otherwise dull... (more »)

 
Emiril said...
Nov. 15, 2011 at 8:22 am
This story is really good! I like how it gets intense at times too.
 
AnimaCordis replied...
Nov. 15, 2011 at 10:13 am
Thank you! XD
 
Emiri said...
Nov. 15, 2011 at 5:13 am
I like your writing style, how you began most of the sentanses with "the" or "a" and then had description in the sentence itself. It made the adjectives all the more powerful. I like the intention- and how you made everyone have a ssimple personality and even the teacher have a fool's personality before they all...well, died. Good job.
 
AnimaCordis replied...
Nov. 15, 2011 at 10:11 am
Thank you! I meant each chracter to be a symbol of something or someone in soicety. It was inspired by the book 'Heroshima' which is a collection of real stories from before the bomb was dropped. The thousands of people who were killed are just numbers until you notice each one of those numbers has a story behind it.
 
Jappyalldayeveryday said...
Nov. 14, 2011 at 5:09 pm
This is the second thing of yours that I read and both were really good :) However, I was wondering if you ever considered putting dialogue in your stories, since neither of the ones I've read have any
 
AnimaCordis replied...
Nov. 15, 2011 at 1:45 am
I am acctally afraid of diolog, whenever i write it i wind up tearing it up and trying to forget it! i've written speeches before, but all my diolog i'm ashamed of!
 
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