Goodbye Letter

November 3, 2011
Dear Mom,

I want to start off with saying that I really miss you. I know that it was my choice to come and fight for my country but I am starting to regret my choice because of you. You are the only family I have and I might lose you because I’m fighting for my country. Yes, I know what you are thinking right now, “You still have your brother”. But I don’t. He is going against me. He isn’t fighting with me in this battle, he’s on the other side.

I made a great friend here. His name was Greg. You would think that I was happy to have someone to talk to and express my feelings. I was. But not anymore. Greg… he died. Right in front of me. Mom, it was the scariest thing I have ever seen. One moment we are talking, the next moment he gets shot and I can’t help but think that the bullet was meant for me. I keep having these visions of me and him in the same situation. However, there were so many different conclusions in my visions. How do I get through this? He was my best friend… He was like my brother.

I feel lonely. I feel depressed. I don’t know what to do. I went to fight for America. But all I’m doing is killing people that are from America. How is that helping our country? Every where I go I see dead bodies and I think, what about there family? What about the life that they were looking forward to? I can’t believe that I got myself into this. There are so many innocent people dying for no reason. What if they were made to fight against me? What if it wasn’t even there choice to be a part of this War? This isn’t fair.

I am also very hungry. They don’t feed us. I look like a skeleton. I miss your macaroni and cheese. I always have the taste in my mouth. They told me the other day that I was never going to leave... There is a reason why I’m telling you this. It’s because I can’t do this anymore. This is my goodbye letter. I will always love you. Forever and always.
I love you always,
Paul Belder

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