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“My Lady, Octavian is here.” Neferura, my only loyal servant was in a panic. “It will only be a matter of time before he finds you here.”

“I won’t hide any longer. Bring my paints, my best red sheath and my most expensive jewelry. I’ve charmed two Roman men; there’s no reason I can’t charm this one too.”

Neferura bowed, then ran out of the mausoleum I had been hiding in for the past few months. Had it really only been a couple of months since everything had gone wrong? Our fleet was destroyed at Actium, Mark Antony committed suicide and now the Emperor had arrived in Egypt. If I couldn’t charm Octavian like I charmed Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, then I would soon return to my mausoleum as a corpse.

Neferura soon returned with all the things I had requested. She helped me wriggle out of my plain white sheath and into my sumptuous red one that left little to imagination. Then she brushed my tangled black hair, pinned it up and slipped my wig of a hundred ringlets into place. I sat very still as she outlined my eyes in kohl, used henna to redden my lips and covered the dark circles under my eyes with powder. From the small selection of jewelry she brought, I chose a silver circlet with a huge red jasper stone that hung on my forehead, bracelets of electrum, a belt of moonstones and rings of lapis lazuli. I looked at myself in the small bronze mirror Neferura brought and smiled. I looked perfect, as usual. Now all I had to do was make Octavian agree.




“You manipulated a good Roman man into turning against his own country.”

“Me? I am just a woman. What influence could a woman have over a strong Roman man?”

Octavian spluttered at my words; he was not buying into my story. And he definitely wasn’t falling for my body like Julius and Mark had. My intelligence only threatened him, so that definitely wasn’t helping my case. Time for Plan B.

“You need a powerful ally in Egypt; I can maintain control over my people. Let me remain Pharaoh and Rome will reap the rewards.”

For the first time in our meeting, Octavian smiled. “Cleopatra, you are an intelligent woman. Tell me why would I need a powerful ally in the newest Roman province?”

“You’re annexing Egypt?” I gasped.

“Of course. I have no wish to quell the rebellion of yet another tempestuous Eastern Queen.” He snapped his fingers. “Take her away, but do not harm her. I wish to display her at my triumph when I return.”

The Roman guards marched me at sword point to a tiny room in the palace that had been a guest room. Before they locked me away for good, I turned to face them and suggestively lifted my sheath to reveal my right calf. One of the soldiers hesitated, but the other pushed me into my prison and slammed the door behind me. To my surprise, Neferura was there, setting up a simple cot by the door. Seeing me, she bowed before speaking.

“I convinced the guards to let me tend to you. My Queen, what are you going to do now?”

“I am going to deny Emperor Octavian his greatest prize.” I smiled reassuringly to hide the fact I was ready to break down and cry. “I don’t care how you do it, but bring me an asp. I’m going to die with the honour that befits the last Pharaoh of Egypt.”

Neferura nodded and I could see the tears in her deep brown eyes. I walked over to her and pulled her into a hug, a huge breech of station on my part. But I didn’t care; I was about to die and I needed to thank her for her complete loyalty to me. I felt the tears run down my face, but I let them flow. After all, if I had my way, I was not long for this world.




After Neferura retouched my makeup, I was ready. She had smuggled the asp past the guards by hiding it in a basket of figs. I reached in the figs and nearly smiled in triumph when my fingers closed around the asp’s cool, smooth body. It hissed as I pulled it out of the basket. Good, it was already annoyed at being kept under the heavy figs.

Its eyes stared coldly at me as I stroked its head, enticing it to bite me. Finally, it struck my wrist with lightning speed. I bit my tongue to keep from crying out in pain. When the snake let go, I quickly dumped it in the fig basket and put the lid on it. I didn’t want it to slither out and bite Neferura, my only friend left.


Within minutes, my breathing became laboured. I lay down on the bed and carefully composed myself. I was going to die with dignity, the way a Pharaoh should. My last breaths were steeped in agony, yet I was strangely happy. I had thwarted Octavian, denying him his greatest prize.

But my happiness didn’t last long. The gods in Judgment Hall were calling for me, Queen Cleopatra, the last and greatest Pharaoh.




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This article has 255 comments. Post your own!

Tbug1997 said...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 7:40 pm:
Very good i have nothing bad about this to say i enjoyed reading it u have a talent
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 7:41 pm :
Thanks for commenting! :)
 
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LiamIreland said...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 3:30 pm:
I found this extremely enjoyable. You don't dwell too long on the facts but don't neglect them either. 
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 3:31 pm :
Thanks so much for commenting! :)  I'm glad you enjoyed it.
 
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Matice said...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 3:20 pm:
Very good job! I was pulled into the story right away. I loved your use of the history to bring the story to life. You had good imagery, and very believable dialogue. :)
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 3:24 pm :
Thanks very much! :)
 
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UNserieswriter said...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 2:02 pm:
okay. you're a very good writer, however is this just a one time thing or part of anovel? because it seems like other things happened that the reader needs to know about. otherwise it was interesting. i like that you actually knew the facts of who was alive and who was involved at the time. also great that you knew the little facts on things like how someone would kill themselves (wow that sounded weird) and what they would do makeup with.
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 3:04 pm :
I have another story related to this, 'Desertion', but it is usually not necessary to understand this.  I figured that most people know the story of Cleopatra, but I guess not.  Anyway, thanks for commenting!
 
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Resonating_Words said...
Dec. 9, 2011 at 9:26 pm:

Very well done (: I can't find a thing I dislike about it at all, other than things that were previously mentioned (Eastep mentioned no description of Octavion, which I also noticed). 

You portray Cleopatra so well, it's wonderful. I liked, especially, how her pride was definitely there, but it wasn't obnoxious or overplayed. 

Again, very well done.

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 9, 2011 at 9:28 pm :
Thanks so much!  And yeah, the part with Octavian is fixed in my second draft, but I don't want to start all over after so many comments.
 
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thalialisset said...
Dec. 9, 2011 at 8:45 pm:

omg.....very well  written.....marc anthony...nicceee...but i  love the way  you express in your writing......luv it:)

 

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 9, 2011 at 8:56 pm :
Thanks so much for commenting! :)  I'm glad you liked it.
 
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hannahmunchy said...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 8:36 pm:
this is incredible! Fantastic writing. I love your interpretation of Cleopatra- going against the common conception. The Queen seemed very real, almost relatable--even though she was a deceitful royal. Great job.
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 8:36 pm :
Thanks for commenting! :)
 
Noni3280 replied...
Dec. 6, 2011 at 7:08 pm :
Wow, AWESOME STUFF!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 6, 2011 at 7:10 pm :
Thank you! :)
 
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WhittyKittyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 7:10 pm:
Wow! Great job!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 7:37 pm :
Thanks for commenting! :)
 
shakaylin replied...
Jan. 24, 2012 at 10:23 am :
i love your story.it is awesome reply back please:-)
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jan. 24, 2012 at 3:27 pm :
Thanks for commenting, shakaylin! I'm glad you liked it. :)
 
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KarinaDavidyuk said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 6:39 pm:
This is really great! I love it <3
 
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