Only a Woman | Teen Ink

Only a Woman MAG

August 12, 2011
By CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius


“My Lady, Octavian is here.” Neferura, my only loyal servant, was in a panic. “It will only be a matter of time before he finds you here.”

“I won’t hide any longer. Bring my paints, my best red sheath, and my most expensive jewelry. I’ve charmed two Roman men; there’s no reason I can’t charm this one too.”

Neferura bowed, then ran out of the mausoleum I had been hiding in for the past few months. Had it really only been a couple of months since everything had gone wrong? Our fleet was destroyed at Actium, Mark Antony took his own life, and now the Emperor had arrived in Egypt. If I couldn’t charm Octavian like I charmed Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, then I would soon be returning to my mausoleum as a corpse.

Neferura returned with all of the things I had requested. She helped me wriggle out of my plain white sheath and into my sumptuous red one that left little to the imagination. Then she brushed my tangled black hair, pinned it up, and slipped my wig of a hundred ringlets into place. I sat very still as she outlined my eyes in kohl, used henna to redden my lips, and covered the dark circles under my eyes with powder. From the small selection of jewelry she brought, I chose a silver circlet with a huge red jasper stone that hung on my forehead, bracelets of electrum, a belt of moonstones, and rings of lapis lazuli. I looked at myself in the small bronze mirror Neferura brought and smiled. I looked perfect, as usual. Now all I had to do was make Octavian agree.

“You manipulated a good Roman man into turning against his own country,” Octavian said to me warily.

“Me? I am just a woman. What influence could a woman have over a strong Roman man?”

Octavian spluttered at my words; he was not buying into my story. And he definitely wasn’t falling for my body like Julius and Mark had. My intelligence only threatened him, so that definitely wasn’t helping my case. Time for Plan B.

“You need a powerful ally in Egypt; I can maintain control over my people. Let me remain Pharaoh, and Rome will reap the rewards.”

For the first time in our meeting, Octavian smiled. “Cleopatra, you are an intelligent woman. Tell me, why would I need a powerful ally in the newest Roman province?”

“You’re annexing Egypt?” I gasped.

“Of course. I have no wish to quell the rebellion of yet another tempestuous Eastern Queen.” He snapped his fingers. “Take her away, but do not harm her. I wish to display her at my triumph when I return.”

The Roman guards marched me at swordpoint to a tiny room in the palace that had been a guest room. Before they locked me away for good, I turned to face them and suggestively lifted my sheath to reveal my right calf. One of the soldiers hesitated, but the other pushed me into my prison and slammed the door behind me. To my surprise, Neferura was there, setting up a simple cot by the door. Seeing me, she bowed before speaking.

“I convinced the guards to let me tend to you. My Queen, what will you do now?”

“I am going to deny Emperor Octavian his greatest prize.” I smiled reassuringly to hide the fact I was ready to break down and cry. “I don’t care how you do it, but bring me an asp. I’m going to die with the honour that befits the last Pharaoh of Egypt.”

Neferura nodded and I could see the tears in her deep brown eyes. I walked over to her and pulled her into a hug – a breech of station on my part. But I didn’t care; I was about to die and I needed to thank her for her complete loyalty to me. I felt the tears running down my face, but I let them flow. After all, if I had my way, I wouldn't be here much longer.

After Neferura retouched my makeup, I was ready. She had smuggled the asp past the guards by hiding it in a basket of figs. I reached in the figs and nearly smiled in triumph when my fingers closed around the asp’s cool, smooth body. It hissed as I pulled it out of the basket. Good, it was already annoyed at being kept under the heavy figs.

Its eyes stared coldly at me as I stroked its head, enticing it to bite me. Finally, it struck my wrist with lightning speed. I bit my tongue to keep from crying out in pain. When the snake let go, I quickly dumped it in the fig basket and put on the lid.

Within minutes, my breathing became laboured. I lay down on the bed and carefully composed myself. I was going to die with dignity, the way a Pharaoh should. My last breaths were steeped in agony, yet I was strangely happy. I had thwarted Octavian, denying him his greatest prize.

But my happiness didn’t last long. The gods in Judgment Hall were calling for me, Queen Cleopatra, the last and greatest Pharaoh.


The author's comments:

Historical Note: Although we know him today as Octavian (or Caesar Augustus), in his time, he was known as 'Gaius.' I didn't want to fight convention by using his Latin name because that would just confuse everyone. I hope you like my story! Tell me what you think of my portrayal of Cleopatra in the comments.


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This article has 258 comments.


on Dec. 11 2011 at 1:42 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for your comment! :)  Oh, and you don't get to be Queen without manipulating a few people.

Tristis BRONZE said...
on Dec. 11 2011 at 1:41 pm
Tristis BRONZE, 28 Highland Avenue, New York
2 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You have a demon inside- a demon who, when you are provoked by anger, drives your imagination into a realm where that anger-inducing thing is slaughtered. To deny that is to deny an emotion."
Everything is capable of changing, but not will to.

I love the historical contents in here. She sounds like a ... a bad woman, though. Manipulating through... gender. But that's probably exactly what would happen back then.

on Dec. 10 2011 at 10:24 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting! :)

Chrysaora GOLD said...
on Dec. 10 2011 at 10:23 pm
Chrysaora GOLD, Providence Forge, Virginia
10 articles 2 photos 63 comments
I loved how you retold the story and didn't go overboard with drama; very good; very creative.

on Dec. 10 2011 at 7:41 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting! :)

on Dec. 10 2011 at 7:40 pm
Tbug1997 PLATINUM, Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania
29 articles 1 photo 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
When in doubt... Blame it on your siblings
when life gives you skittles throw them at random people and yell FEEL THE RAINBOW

Very good i have nothing bad about this to say i enjoyed reading it u have a talent

on Dec. 10 2011 at 3:31 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks so much for commenting! :)  I'm glad you enjoyed it.

on Dec. 10 2011 at 3:30 pm
LiamIreland BRONZE, Riverstick, Co.Cork, Other
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
If a man can bridge the gap between life and death then maybe he was a great man. - James Dean.

I found this extremely enjoyable. You don't dwell too long on the facts but don't neglect them either. 

on Dec. 10 2011 at 3:24 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks very much! :)

Matice BRONZE said...
on Dec. 10 2011 at 3:20 pm
Matice BRONZE, O&#39Fallon, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 141 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Maria, first, let me say that you will most certainly regret it. Second, let me say that I'm in."-Smith

Very good job! I was pulled into the story right away. I loved your use of the history to bring the story to life. You had good imagery, and very believable dialogue. :)

on Dec. 10 2011 at 3:04 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

I have another story related to this, 'Desertion', but it is usually not necessary to understand this.  I figured that most people know the story of Cleopatra, but I guess not.  Anyway, thanks for commenting!

on Dec. 10 2011 at 2:02 pm
UNserieswriter, New York
0 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
idk my bff jill

okay. you're a very good writer, however is this just a one time thing or part of anovel? because it seems like other things happened that the reader needs to know about. otherwise it was interesting. i like that you actually knew the facts of who was alive and who was involved at the time. also great that you knew the little facts on things like how someone would kill themselves (wow that sounded weird) and what they would do makeup with.

on Dec. 9 2011 at 9:28 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks so much!  And yeah, the part with Octavian is fixed in my second draft, but I don't want to start all over after so many comments.

on Dec. 9 2011 at 9:26 pm
Resonating_Words SILVER, Dallas, Texas
5 articles 10 photos 87 comments

Very well done (: I can't find a thing I dislike about it at all, other than things that were previously mentioned (Eastep mentioned no description of Octavion, which I also noticed). 

You portray Cleopatra so well, it's wonderful. I liked, especially, how her pride was definitely there, but it wasn't obnoxious or overplayed. 

Again, very well done.


on Dec. 9 2011 at 8:56 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks so much for commenting! :)  I'm glad you liked it.

on Dec. 9 2011 at 8:45 pm
thalialisset SILVER, Jamaica, New York
8 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't Judge Its Book By It's Cover

omg.....very well  written.....marc anthony...nicceee...but i  love the way  you express in your writing......luv it:)

 


on Dec. 6 2011 at 7:10 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thank you! :)

on Dec. 6 2011 at 7:08 pm
Noni3280 BRONZE, Warrnambool, Other
3 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
Take each day as it comes.

Wow, AWESOME STUFF!

on Dec. 5 2011 at 8:36 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting! :)

on Dec. 5 2011 at 8:36 pm
hannahmunchy BRONZE, Williamstown, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"They say the sky's the limit, but there are footsteps on the moon"
"Dancing is like dreaming with your feet"

this is incredible! Fantastic writing. I love your interpretation of Cleopatra- going against the common conception. The Queen seemed very real, almost relatable--even though she was a deceitful royal. Great job.