Only a Woman This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

August 12, 2011
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“My Lady, Octavian is here.” Neferura, my only loyal servant was in a panic. “It will only be a matter of time before he finds you here.”

“I won’t hide any longer. Bring my paints, my best red sheath and my most expensive jewelry. I’ve charmed two Roman men; there’s no reason I can’t charm this one too.”

Neferura bowed, then ran out of the mausoleum I had been hiding in for the past few months. Had it really only been a couple of months since everything had gone wrong? Our fleet was destroyed at Actium, Mark Antony committed suicide and now the Emperor had arrived in Egypt. If I couldn’t charm Octavian like I charmed Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, then I would soon return to my mausoleum as a corpse.

Neferura soon returned with all the things I had requested. She helped me wriggle out of my plain white sheath and into my sumptuous red one that left little to imagination. Then she brushed my tangled black hair, pinned it up and slipped my wig of a hundred ringlets into place. I sat very still as she outlined my eyes in kohl, used henna to redden my lips and covered the dark circles under my eyes with powder. From the small selection of jewelry she brought, I chose a silver circlet with a huge red jasper stone that hung on my forehead, bracelets of electrum, a belt of moonstones and rings of lapis lazuli. I looked at myself in the small bronze mirror Neferura brought and smiled. I looked perfect, as usual. Now all I had to do was make Octavian agree.

“You manipulated a good Roman man into turning against his own country.”

“Me? I am just a woman. What influence could a woman have over a strong Roman man?”

Octavian spluttered at my words; he was not buying into my story. And he definitely wasn’t falling for my body like Julius and Mark had. My intelligence only threatened him, so that definitely wasn’t helping my case. Time for Plan B.

“You need a powerful ally in Egypt; I can maintain control over my people. Let me remain Pharaoh and Rome will reap the rewards.”

For the first time in our meeting, Octavian smiled. “Cleopatra, you are an intelligent woman. Tell me why would I need a powerful ally in the newest Roman province?”

“You’re annexing Egypt?” I gasped.

“Of course. I have no wish to quell the rebellion of yet another tempestuous Eastern Queen.” He snapped his fingers. “Take her away, but do not harm her. I wish to display her at my triumph when I return.”

The Roman guards marched me at sword point to a tiny room in the palace that had been a guest room. Before they locked me away for good, I turned to face them and suggestively lifted my sheath to reveal my right calf. One of the soldiers hesitated, but the other pushed me into my prison and slammed the door behind me. To my surprise, Neferura was there, setting up a simple cot by the door. Seeing me, she bowed before speaking.

“I convinced the guards to let me tend to you. My Queen, what are you going to do now?”

“I am going to deny Emperor Octavian his greatest prize.” I smiled reassuringly to hide the fact I was ready to break down and cry. “I don’t care how you do it, but bring me an asp. I’m going to die with the honour that befits the last Pharaoh of Egypt.”

Neferura nodded and I could see the tears in her deep brown eyes. I walked over to her and pulled her into a hug, a huge breech of station on my part. But I didn’t care; I was about to die and I needed to thank her for her complete loyalty to me. I felt the tears run down my face, but I let them flow. After all, if I had my way, I was not long for this world.

After Neferura retouched my makeup, I was ready. She had smuggled the asp past the guards by hiding it in a basket of figs. I reached in the figs and nearly smiled in triumph when my fingers closed around the asp’s cool, smooth body. It hissed as I pulled it out of the basket. Good, it was already annoyed at being kept under the heavy figs.

Its eyes stared coldly at me as I stroked its head, enticing it to bite me. Finally, it struck my wrist with lightning speed. I bit my tongue to keep from crying out in pain. When the snake let go, I quickly dumped it in the fig basket and put the lid on it. I didn’t want it to slither out and bite Neferura, my only friend left.

Within minutes, my breathing became laboured. I lay down on the bed and carefully composed myself. I was going to die with dignity, the way a Pharaoh should. My last breaths were steeped in agony, yet I was strangely happy. I had thwarted Octavian, denying him his greatest prize.

But my happiness didn’t last long. The gods in Judgment Hall were calling for me, Queen Cleopatra, the last and greatest Pharaoh.

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This article has 255 comments. Post your own now!

Clear_Skies said...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 1:18 pm
This is great! I've always been fascinated by Cleopatra.
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Thanks for reading my story! :)
AspiringWriter said...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 10:48 am

I've read this before, and this is just excellent. You have a great talent in writing. Everything looks perfect. I didn't find any mistakes.

This definitely deserves an Editors' Choice award.

Keep writing! :)

CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Thanks so much! :)
BorderlineGenius777 said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:02 pm
You my friend, are an amazingly talented writer. good job!
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:42 pm
Thank you very much! :)
DarkenRose said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:01 pm
Amazing, it really pulls you in until you get to the ending and again amazing:)
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Thanks for taking the time to read my story! :)
lucygirl26 said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 7:45 pm
You know, normally I don't really like historical stories. Sometimes I say, "Really, I could care less." But this was fantastic! I loved it a lot. I knew it was Cleopatra right away when you talked about her charming the other two guys. Great work! The only thing is that it would be nice to hear some of her thoughts as she's talking to Octavian. 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:02 pm
Okay, thanks for the feedback! :)
Harebelle This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 6:55 pm
Pretty much same comment as the last one: I like how you made Cleopatra seem realistic. I also like the description here of how she thinks her beauty will get her what she wants, and the hugging scene with Neferura was very touching. Well done!
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:02 pm
Thanks!  I'm glad you liked my portrayal of Cleopatra. :)
Musika said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 5:07 pm
This is really an interesting & unique story. I really enjoyed reading it. I love the vocabulary you used and how detailed you were. Good job. :)
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Thank you! :)
RhythmAndRhyme said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Hi! I'm pretty sure I've commented on one of your pieces before, but if not, I review with a "Stars and Wishes" method. Stars are things I liked, while Wishes are things changeable, confusing, out of place, etc.

Stars: I loved the strength and power portrayed by Cleopatra in your words. It made her seem like a real person, not just a name accompanying dates in a History textbook. I really and truly felt like I was there, hiding with her, facing her same dilemma.

The description ... (more »)

CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Thanks for such a detailed critique! :)  I'm glad I made Cleopatra seem more real to you.
Readqueenz7 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I liked this one a lot too. Your writing is beautiful, and very detailed. I felt more of Cleopatra's strength in this piece. This is really nice.
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Thank you!  I'm glad you like it. :)
Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:38 am
I love how detailed everything is. I really feel like I am actually in the story, watching everything from within Cleopatra's head. The ending was perfect, and this was overall an amazing piece. :)
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:27 am
Thank you!  I'm glad I got into Cleopatra's head that well. :)
AdeleFan said...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 1:35 pm
dang u r a good writer.
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