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The Song for Kara

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My face lays agents the floor it’s hard…cold… It’s so… unforgiving… like those people…. My knee aches from the abrupt collision with the cement, they snicker to themselves, giggles, mumbles, sneers, and snickers soon oust the air filling my lungs, weighing down gravity itself with hatred as if to suffocate my very being.

I walk lifelessly, no one talks to me, and no one wants my help let alone my opinion. Hate filled glares and curses under muffled murmurs are the closest I get to conversations and any contact. Every time I pass someone I can feel his or her glare join the numerous others, stabbing my back as if to penetrate my heart.

All I had to say was my name, and now I’m the most hated person here, people I don’t even know glare at me from a distance if not directly, I feel as if I just killed their loved ones, little children even glare at me… I don’t know what I did nor how I did it but I did something… something worthy of an elongated execution…

My execution began with my heart, people refused my help, no mater there situation they made it very clear there condition was more bearable than my helping hand, or friendly gesture.

The first day of school, my teachers had me stand in the back corner and ignored my existence after growling “This is Kara Schicklgruber. She’s just moved here form Austria, go to the seat behind that kid”, and just like that I’m stuck in a desk-less corner, in some ways it seems I was banished. When I went to lunch it was not a hidden fact that I was unwanted. Every seat was covered if not taken, every head turned towards me upon my entry, every face held the same... hatred, disgust, pain. Scanning the room, its people, their eyes’… I was unwanted to say none the least.

Outside the restroom I had set my lunch down and came back to find a bag, not my bag, a similar bag. I dare not say what was in it though I may hint it repulsed me to my innermost core.

By the end of the first day my smile was sealed, untraceable, gone… my heart thumped slowly, every thump echoed as if it was the only organ in my body… alone inside of me just pathetically lonely… I already wanted to get out, to escape to our new isolation building of a “home”. The moment I got there I appreciated its full worth, silent loneliness and all. I didn’t mind chaining myself to its very foundation, anything and everything sounded better than going back to be with those people sadly death did too.

A long needed lunch and rest followed my arrival. My poor backpack broke through sabotage most likely but I don’t dare to ask nor accuse any one… the snickers that rumbled throughout the room confirmed all unspoken suspicion, I’m unwanted here is all I could think each echo in my head only made my chest tighten and hurt more. Echo throb… echo throb… echo… tears swelled in my eyes but I dare not let one fall, I dare not show them the satisfaction of my misery.

My backpack, had lasted me from elementary to six days ago couldn’t last one day here in Jerusalem.

Thanks to my fathers work, it seems I am to be executed. I can count the number friends I’ll make here… none, zip, zero; the friends I can talk to, to my disappointment, holds the same number, though for some reason who knows how many people wouldn’t mind my death or disappearance. I’d be lying if I said that time-to-time I didn’t consider the option… I mean then I would be untouchable…

My parents don’t understand how I could make enemies before I even opened my mouth, I face the same dilemma too though so I guess I have no room to talk. I don’t fully blame them either. My fortunate siblings were privileged enough to be able to stay with close family in Austria; I cant say I’m not happy for them or that I wish they were here. Though I wouldn’t pass the offer to join them for a second, I can only be bad they had to stay.

That night I was rewarded for my patience and imperviousness; when the sun was setting It was a miraculous sight like in a fairytale or dream, the sky had a light orange, red color, with slight hints of pink toward the heart of the whole scene. Small clouds kissed the sky as the sun lit them with a passionate soft orange-red color like no other, the sky only showed what I could only imagine to be the heavens view, only for a few mere seconds but for those few seconds I felt as if I could survive this hellacious town, its heartless people, and the evil lingering with in it, my death even escaped my mind I didn’t want to die and be unable to view that sunset.

The sun set gradually but I watched it from start to stop hoping maybe just maybe I could experience the feeling one more time, one more glimpse at heaven. Sadly I was let down; it didn’t show itself through out the song the song it seemed to sing. I then decided to look forward to the breath-taking scene the next night too.

Unfortunately the next day seemed to come before the night did, the day moving more slowly than the last. None of my homework reached, not me to my surprise, of which reached me, verbally assigned homework was the only type I seemed to be able to do.

In history they are apparently studying Jerusalem’s origins, my mind held no prior knowledge of this subject so I searched for as much information as I could, my sad attempt to catch up, with no surprise failed.

Like the night before I put aside every thing for the sun set, the mystical wonders of the world, all this place and its people held for me was hatred, yet the sunset held nothing but love, it was beautiful irony, the second night was, like no other, some how it was even more glorious than the first, it looked like one you might find in a painting, absolutely perfect, once again as the sun started to kiss the earth the sky came to life the pink and red and orange danced across the sky like swans, tonight it held a surprise, a gold, maybe more of a dandelion yellow, shone through the sky, It was incomparable to the other colors, just as radiant as the other life’s that lit the sky if not more so. I only wish I had a camera to capture it, yet I feel even if I did the camera would do It no justice. If I was able to capture the image that the camera would not be able to show the full beauty of the colors and how they complemented each other and contrasted the rest of this world.

Once the moon had taken the stage as beautiful as it was it seemed dulled by the magnificent performance before it. I returned to my studies once more, for a passionate candle had been lit inside the deepest bowels of my body. My body burned with determination I can catch up, I can make them accept me one way or another. I spent three hours studying books, taking notes, and absorbing as much as I could, like a sponge would water.

When I finally finished I noticed the moon sat high in the sky and there wasn’t a light in sight that could be compared to its radiance; while the peak of the suns performance was the finale, the moons peak is when all is silent and asleep, like a mother her children it was proudly looming over us as if to protect us against danger while we slept.

Though the suns performance fueled my determination when it came down to the trial people are stubborn, more so than mules, of than one could think possible. Though my attempt failed miserably I had a new plan with the upcoming test over Jerusalem’s history I could receive the highest grade and maybe just maybe then I might be given a chance.

That night I positions myself to here I would be able to view the sunset while studying, but I didn’t watch the sun set, I wasn’t fueled by its beauty or its grace…

I was to lost in confusion, despair… I felt more alone than I had ever before. My name was in the literature… Kara… and Schicklgruber…. Just I didn’t want it THERE… It all made sense now.

All the pieces were fitting together; the puzzle had finally come together… why every one hated me… why my parents had seemed so counterfeit all this time…. I am related to a monster… we share our blood… this monster should have died a long and horrible death but it didn’t… I hated myself suddenly… I hated my origin…

I felt filthy, dirty, impure… I ran out of the room and let loose… Puking and crying, crying and puking, I puked and cried until I couldn’t any more…. resentment overwhelmed my body… I knew where the knives where, I knew where to strike and how to… I knew where everything was so I planned…

I prepared for the test as if my life depended on it and the day of the test I wrote the assigned essay I wrote about my move, I wrote about the books and the bag I had found about how it was like Jerusalem’s struggle, how I had discovered my families deepest secret… and I told of my plan… I wrote and wrote till all the paper I had ran out… Then I signed it, turned it in and left… I didn’t look back the whole way home… when I got home I wrote for every one my parents, my siblings… everyone…
I carefully signed my name age and the date, trudged to my room and lied my head to rest, positioned so I would be looking out the window and watched the sun set; but for some reason it seemed sad, as if it were crying… and for no reason yet all the reason in the world I cried with it… I cried for my family and my origin… for all the people who hated me… I cried because I was living and the heart of the Jewish community and was related to the monster … I cried for the monsters mother and siblings… I cried for those it killed… and I cried because that monsters name… was Adolf Hitler… for his original name… my birth name… his mothers name… Schicklgruber… and my first name… his wife’s name… Kara…

His grandmother’s name was Maria Schicklgruber, His wife’s name was Kara Pölz… and my name was there name… Adolf Hitler the man who killed millions was my great-great, grand uncle… His brother Edmund Hitler was my great, great, grand father… and the reason every one hated me so much was because I am a descendent of the man who killed millions of Jewish people… I woke up later that night and arranged the letters on the table by the entryway, and went and sat outside.

My legs trembled out of confusion as I struggled to keep standing. Taking my place outside on the other side of the fence lie a gap between haven and hell. I felt there hands reach for mine and I closed my eyes. Maybe they’ll understand the wind carried me until it died down and then I awoke on a gurney… screams echoed in my head I attempted to smile and thought hey at least they are trying.



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