The Princess and the Dragon

July 28, 2010
By SecretNonConformist SILVER, Marblehead, Massachusetts
SecretNonConformist SILVER, Marblehead, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of
evil is for good men to do nothing."
-Edmund Burke

"Bless the children, give them triumph, now!"
Aeschylus, The Libation Bearers


When she was a little girl, she loved fairy tales. She could listen to them over and over, delighting in how the hero defeated the villain time and time again. Everything could be counting against the hero, but he (it usually was a man) would always triumph.



The girl was older now, but something very much like a fairy tale was going on in her village. A dragon-like enemy was terrorizing the small, peaceful village. The monster would drag people from their homes and shoot them into pits its’ poor victims were forced to dig themselves. Those who were not killed were taken away by the monster. Where to? The remaining villagers didn’t know. The poor girl was sad and afraid as there was nothing a young girl like her could do about these deaths.


One day after many people in the village had died, one of the enemy came to her home. She wondered why the man had come. Their family was not Jewish. The girl could only watch as her three older brothers were taken away. They had tried to fight the enemy but had been tracked to their home. Her father and mother tried to stop their sons being taken away but were shot in their own home. The girl was alone. And the enemy was looking for the one they had missed.


She found herself in company of the group whom her brothers had belonged to. Even though she was still young, they welcomed her with open arms. The leader had known her and knew she was trustworthy. No one cared she was just a young girl. They needed anyone they could get.


No one spoke each other’s given name in the Partisan camp. Instead, they used code names. The girl’s was her eldest brother’s nickname for her: Princess. Princess adapted to life quickly in the Partisan camp. Though full of grief for her lost family, she knew this was the best way to get revenge. When the Partisan leader asked her if she would complete a difficult assignment, she was excited at the prospect. When the Partisan leader told her what she was to do, she was very afraid.


The plan was simple but exceedingly dangerous. Princess would enter the Gestapo headquarters and tell the guards she was a present for the Gestapo chief. She would be dressed as a common whore. What the guards wouldn’t know was that she had a piston concealed in her clothing. From there, she would go to the office of the chief and knock on his door. He would let her in. She would be very suggestive in her movements and speech. It would look like she was simply taking off her clothes when she pulled out the gun. The man would be removing his pants, a very vulnerable position. Then she would shoot him and stuff his body under his desk. Then she would leave. The Dragon would be dead and the Princess would be victorious.


The day the plan was to take action was a cold, wet one. Princess barely noticed the weather. The journey to the headquarters was long. Princess was not bored. The guards shouted lewd things at her when she told them her purpose in being here. Princess only smiled and stuck out her chest at them. She was not scared, only numb. There was a job to do and she was here to do it. When she reached the door of the office, Princess began to panic. And then she remembered the fairy tales. In this story the Princess would be the one to slay the Dragon.


The Dragon was in full uniform and smiled rather twistedly when he saw her.


“My name is Princess,” she smiled back, “and I am the girl of your dreams.”


The Dragon said nothing and began to remove his pants.


Princess took her opportunity and shot. Her aim, honed by months of training, was true. As the Dragon lay dead on the floor, Princess whispered,


“My name is Lila Kyer and I am the woman of your nightmares.”


Like a hero in a fairy tale, Princess returned home triumphantly. Yet she and the Partisans could not celebrate long. There were many more dragons to fight and many more to kill. Unlike the fairy tale heros of her past, who would return from their quests live happily ever after, Lila Kyer’s battle had to continue and would continue until Poland was free. If she lived, there could actually be a happily ever after.


The author's comments:
By now, everyone who reads my stuff is probably wondering why I'm always writing about World War Two. Why I'm drawn to this time period is because of the brave people who chose to fight the Nazis and never give up their hope and identities as human beings.
I told this almost like a fairy tale because when people are in situations of high stress, sometimes they will go back to the things that give them hope and courage. In this girl's case, it was fairy tales.

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This article has 8 comments.


on Oct. 2 2010 at 3:33 pm
SecretNonConformist SILVER, Marblehead, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of
evil is for good men to do nothing."
-Edmund Burke

"Bless the children, give them triumph, now!"
Aeschylus, The Libation Bearers

Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it. If you want to, you can check out some of my other work.

on Oct. 2 2010 at 1:44 pm
wordjunkie BRONZE, Houston, Texas
1 article 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Those who say it can't be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.

it was really good! I like how you use the innocence of the fairy tale as sharp  contrast to the cruel way these people treat her family. good job!

on Aug. 30 2010 at 8:55 pm
SecretNonConformist SILVER, Marblehead, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of
evil is for good men to do nothing."
-Edmund Burke

"Bless the children, give them triumph, now!"
Aeschylus, The Libation Bearers

Thanks for the feedback! I actually liked your rewrite. I'm still not sure what to do with this story next (I put writing up here to see what people think of it) but I will definitely listen to what you said. Thanks again!

on Aug. 30 2010 at 8:42 pm
Annalibelle BRONZE, Elmsford, New York
2 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Hi, it’s Annali from Actually Helpful Critique.

The beginning of your story sets the right tone and draws a reader in. The mystical/ fairy tale/ story teller style is enchanting and beautiful, and fits with the fact that this is sorta an allegory. Your word choice and flow are both good. The plot is well thought out, and the conclusion is solid. The pacing is a little fast, and could be stretched out.

However this fairy tale style can also sound like just a summary instead of the full story. Sometimes it can seem passive, rather than active. Ex. “her three older brothers were taken away”. Instead of this, tell it actively by saying what exactly happened and how it happened, and saying “someone did something” as opposed to “something happened to someone” .The active tense vs. the passive tense. Ex.”One day there was a knock at the door.  The dragons filed in, with their shiny boots and heavy guns. They had papers to arrest the girl’s brothers; “Treason against the state,” they called it…” (Sorry if my re-write offends you; I don’t mean anything except to give an example.)

If each event was changed to be active and elaborated more, I think this piece would make a great novella/ novel!
Bottom line: The plot and premise are both exquisite, and very powerful. The tone, word choice, and flow are all well done. The piece has potential to be expanded into a longer short story or even a novel if the pace was slowed down, each event elaborated more, and the events changed to the active tense.


on Aug. 20 2010 at 9:42 am
SecretNonConformist SILVER, Marblehead, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of
evil is for good men to do nothing."
-Edmund Burke

"Bless the children, give them triumph, now!"
Aeschylus, The Libation Bearers

Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you liked it. Also, thanks for pointing out the weaker parts. Constructive criticism is always welcome!

on Aug. 19 2010 at 11:31 pm
Irene_Adler BRONZE, Holland, Michigan
4 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Jules, you know honey... this isn't real. You know what this is? It's St. Elmo's fire."

Hey, I really liked this, especially the title tying in with the nicknames. Also, I love love love the picture you chose. Such a wonderful picture. Anyway, I thought that maybe the girl wasn't sad enough when her parents died, and she wasn't scared enough, you know? I don't know, it just seemed like even if she was confused, she knew enough that she would be a lot more affected by the deaths.

The ending was great though, especially with the "I am the woman of your nightmares."

I liked it! Thanks for sharing!


on Aug. 15 2010 at 5:12 pm
SecretNonConformist SILVER, Marblehead, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of
evil is for good men to do nothing."
-Edmund Burke

"Bless the children, give them triumph, now!"
Aeschylus, The Libation Bearers

Thanks so much for the feedback! I'm glad you took the time to read it :)

on Aug. 15 2010 at 3:12 pm
squidzinkpen SILVER, Buffalo, New York
9 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The Irish gave the Scots the bagpipes as a joke, but the Scots haven't seen the joke yet"- Irish Proverb

Well, to start out, I really liked how you set this up. It's understandable, it flows, and your metaphores are genius. Using something like a fairy tale and war is a wonderful use of paralellism!

You've got a few structure things to check up on. In the second paragraph, try not to use repeat nouns like 'village'. Perhaps something like 'town'.

In the third paragraph, "One day, after many people in the village had died..."

In the fourth paragraph, "she found herself in the company of the group to which  her brothers had belonged" may work a bit better.

Just itty bitty things really. They don't cloud the overall story here. I really did enjoy this! It was creative and I enjoyed the nostalgia and the tone, as serious as it was. Good work!

 



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