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Maddox the great
Maddox the Great
(others speaking)“Maddox wake up,” says Maddox's mom.
(Speaking)“What is it mommy?” asks Maddox.
“The castle is under attack. Quick, we must go,” says mom.
“Where will we go mommy?”
“To the tunnels quick.”
Bam! An enemy ogre smashes down the door. “
“Gasp! Quick hide in the closet,” whispers mom.
“What about you mommy? Don't go,” says Maddox.
“Quiet. Go.” says mom
Maddox quickly opens the closet door and buries himself under some clothes. His mom blows out the candles, goes to a nearby drawer and grabs a knife. (Absolutes)Hands shaking, stomach spinning, she gets into a battle position.
“Roar,” screams an enemy ogre.
The ogre quickly grabs his crossbow from his back and fires. ( expanded moment) Maddox's mom knows it is her last moment of being alive. She couldn't move, she is scared, and the only thing she could think of was her son Maddox.
Ugh, Maddox's mom crumples to her knees, takes her last breath and tumbles over. The ogre walks over to her and makes sure she is dead then leaves in silence. Maddox hears silence and slowly opens the door and crawls out. He stands up, turns around and sees his mom laying there. Maddox instantly drops to the ground trying to hold in his tears, but lets it out. (Participle)Dropping, screaming, and crying, Maddox falls heartbroken in sadness. Maddox screams mom several times but she won't move. He then crawls over and hugs her as tightly as he could screaming.
“Hello, hello anybody there?” says a man.
Maddox leans up against the wall frightened. ( Appearance)A tall young man in shining armor walks in the house and sees Maddox.
“Come with me boy where you'll be safe,” says the man.
“Get away,” screams Maddox.
“Boy, what's your name?”
“Come Maddox, I am the king's son Cantor Fitzgerald.”
(Thought)Maddox thought cantor looked like a god
Maddox slowly gets up and points to his mom.
“It will be alright come, quickly.”
Maddox and Cantor quickly head for the tunnels.
“Hurry boy, catch up with the others. I'm going to block off the entrance.”
14 years later
The survivors have started to build a new town 200 miles south of their old kingdom. For 14 years the ogres have ruled the kingdom, and every year they gain more power. ( Appositives)The ogres army, scoping and attacking villages, enjoys capturing men for slaves and killing women.
“Maddox, I've trained you since I first saw you. You must carry this on, find every person that can hold a sword and have them fight. You must stop the ogres,” said Cantor.
“Yes master, but....”
“Ah, no buts. Just do it. You must find every person.”
(Figurative language)Cantor is as wise as an owl.
“Good come with me.”
“Where are we going?”
“Ah don't talk.”
“Wait here Maddox.”
Cantor walks in his house and grabs his armor and sword from the closet. Cantor walks back out and gets on one knee
“Maddox use my armor and sword in battle.”
“Sir it will be my honor.”
“Good, take the armor and sword with you and get some rest now,” says cantor. “Maddox, the village is under attack, the ogres they are here, quick here's your sword.”
Ugh. Maddox runs out of his tent and sees his people dying.
Roar, Maddox quickly turns to his left and stabs the ogre. Several ogres start to charge Maddox. Maddox stands and fights as hard as he can. Slashing stabbing, Maddox fights off the ogres.
“Release the monster,” shouts an ogre leader.
POW, POW every step the ground shakes. Maddox stands frozen not knowing what to do. Then a 20ft tall ogre with a huge club walks up to Maddox. ( others Thought)All the ogres know it's over now.
“Roar,” said big ogre
(Adjectives shifted out of order)The large fat ogre, red-eyed and hungry, attacks Maddox for blood. ( Repetition for effect)The giant ogre lifts the club over his head and slams it down so hard the ground shakes, so hard it makes a huge gust of wind, so hard the club gets stuck in the ground. Maddox quickly takes advantage and runs and jumps onto the ogre's arm and quickly gets up onto the ogre's neck and stabs it several times. The ogre drops to the ground. (Hyphenated modifier)All the other ogres stop in amazement and give he-is-bad-look
“Retreat,” yelled the leader.
Maddox looks around and sees a lot of people hurt.
“Cantor,” Maddox says.
Maddox sees Cantor laying on the ground badly hurt.
“Maddox you must find others to help,” says Cantor.
“Yes, Cantor, I will do this for you.”
Maddox puts a pillow under Cantor's head, crosses his arms and walks out.
“Every man that can fight come with me. Come now, grab your horses and your swords and come. We must warn the others ,” screams Maddox.
Every man in good condition grabs their gear, hops onto their horses, and rides out with Maddox. Maddox and his army go searching for men from village to village giving speeches and getting the men to fight for him. Maddox started at 36 men, and now has 2,000 soldiers, but it still doesn't compare to the ogre's army of 10,000 thousand. Maddox and the other leaders plan when they will attack and how. They spend days planning. They've got to get themselves inside their kingdom, the question is how. Then Maddox comes up with a good idea that will get them the win. Maddox gets his army to surround the kingdom, but 200 yards out in tree cover.
“Aim fire,” screamed Maddox
2,000 arrows shoot up in the air, going inside the kingdom. Maddox and his army hear a bunch of screams.
“Aim fire,” screams Maddox
2,000 more arrows fly into the kingdom. ( Action verb)Maddox puts his bow around his back and all the men start charging the kingdom.
“Attack!” screams Maddox.
Maddox's army runs to the walls of the kingdom and puts their ladders against the walls. Then, one by one the men start climbing in.
“ROAR,” screamed a bunch of ogres.
They burst open the front door and start running toward the men.
“Go. Go. Get up the ladders quick.”
All of Maddox's soldiers get to the top and start shooting at every ogre they could see. Then, out of nowhere ogres start taking out Maddox's army with cross bows. Maddox orders his army to get down from wall and start charging forward. Maddox jumps down and starts running straight at the ogres with cross bows. (action)Dodging every arrow that comes at him, Maddox gets close and starts stabbing the ogres with his army right by him. Maddox and his army are winning and is strong. They charge up to the king's castle. They slowly walk up to the castle and kick down the doors surrounding the ogre king and his guards. Maddox grabs his bow and aims right for the ogre's head.
“You will never win,” said the ogre king
Maddox lets go of the arrow and watches the arrow hit his target.
“Kill the guards,” says Maddox
Maddox walks out of the castle and stands looking at all the dead ogres. Maddox looks to his left and....
Maddox drops to his knees, he has been shot in the stomach by an arrow. Maddox's army sees Maddox on his knees with an arrow in his stomach. All the soldiers sprint to Maddox and circle around to protect him.
“Kill that ogre the last of them,” says Maddox weakly.
50 soldiers go after the ogre. The castle was now Maddox's but he was dying. Maddox took his last breath and fell over.
“Ahhhhh,” Maddox stretches, throws off the covers and sits straight up in bed.
“Maddox, wake up. The kingdom is under attack,” says Maddox's mom.