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President Howard B. James
President Howard B. James was walking through New York City on a very hot September 27, 2051. He was surrounded by his 2 big body guards. People were waving.
“Hi President James!” exclaimed one excited New Yorker.
“Hello everyone, I just need to get some work done today,” replied President James. He tried to be as friendly as possible, but he just wanted to get through this horrible place. It was hot. It was crowded. It was noisy. He liked cleanliness and peacefulness.
“Ewwwww! I stepped on some gum,” said President James. He was liked by everyone, and he was a perfect president. On the inside, he was miserable.
President James finally arrived at 115 E. Odger Ave. He knocked 3 times and examined his surroundings while he waited. The floor mat said, “I
New York.” “I can assure you I don’t,” he thought.
“Oh hello Mr. James, thank you for taking the time to stop by. I have an amazing idea for the solution to gum being everywhere we go,” excitedly said Tom Paterson. President James listened and knew this would get nowhere.
Later, President James got into bed and thought, “Time for a good night’s rest after a long day of hard, backbreaking work.”
In the morning, he got up to use the bathroom. While he walked by, he tripped.
“Ow, that hurt,” whispered President James. He turned onto his back and noticed a door to his right. He hadn’t paid much attention to that door.
“I wonder what’s in there,” thought President James. He opened the door and saw pure darkness. He stepped in. Creeeeek! He jumped. It was cold in there. The heater should be on. He turned back, and the door was gone.
“Ohhhhhhhh, this can’t be good. W-w-w-what could this…” President James said quietly, but then there was light, and a whole city appeared around him. He was in an ally. It smelled gross. He covered his nose.
President James looked down. It was black and yellow dirt. It felt squishy. Ewwwwwww! He stepped out and saw a lovely couple walking by.
“Hey, I demand an explanation for this!” demanded President James. He crossed his arms. The young couple looked confused. He realized they were stinky and wore dirty, stiff clothes.
“Wow, look at those clothes. You’re clean and…hey, where are you from. How’d you get clean like that and get that neat black cloth you’re wearing?” said the boy. He felt the cloth. “Wow! It’s so smooth.”
Suddenly, he grabbed a piece of the suit, pulled and ran away.
“HEY! GET BACK HERE YOU IDIOT! I’M THE PRESIDENT, DON’T YOU KNOW THAT. I’LL HAVE MY LAWYER SUE YOU!” yelled the mad president.
President James decided to look around. There were pigs, piles of garbage, dirty people wearing dirty clothes, and chewing tobacco. He walked around a little and at one point looked up at an apartment window to see the structure. Poor, poor President James had his mouth open when someone poured brownish goo from a pot out the window. President James put his head down and shook it like a dog. He tasted…oh, it’s an indescribable, unimaginable taste. He also didn’t need to use the bathroom anymore.
Oh, he wanted to go in his shower, but where was he? He saw another young fellow.
“Excuse me, where am I,” he asked.
The young man answered, “You are in New York. What are you wearing?”
“Do you know who I am?” President James asked.
“No, but tell me your name,” the man said.
“My name is Howard B. James. I am the President of the 50 United States of America.” replied President James. Then the man chuckled.
“I’ll call you Howard,” replied the man. Then he fell to the floor laughing. “Hey everyone, this dude thinks he’s the president. He’s “President Howard B. James” of the “50 United States of America”! Can you believe it!?” Just then, the whole city laughed and teased.
“I’LL SUE ALL OF YOU IF YOU DON’T SHUT THE HELL UP! THIS IS A DIRTY AND DISRESPECTFUL PLACE!” yelled President James.
Two big men came up and carried President James. He tried to escape, but everything he tried failed.
Later, he was in a carridge with the 2 big men.
“Hey, if you two apologize, I’ll hire you to be my bodyguards,” offered President James.
“Hey, you be quiet. We are taking you to our real president: President Jefferson,” one of the men answered. He had an eye patch.
The other man looked at President James. President James looked like he just stopped. Then he fainted. It was a much easier ride for the men.
“Hello? Are you awake James?” a voice asked. Then, the person slapped James-hard.
James sat up. “Owww! What did you do that for?” said James. Then he turned to see the man. He fainted once again. The man slapped him once again.
“Wake up and stop fainting! Why are you pretending to be the president? I demand a reply.” said the man.
James sat up. He was looking into Jefferson’s eyes. “Are you really Thomas Jefferson?” James asked.
Jefferson replied, “I asked for a reply not a question, but to answer yours, yes I am Thomas Jefferson.”
“Oh my, I’m in the 1800s. I am President Howard B. James from 2051. Why am I here!?”
“You’re insane. I’m going to have to put you in prison. I thought I could get an explanation.”
“I can prove it. What year is it?”
“Well, I think you’re planning the Lewis and Clark expedition soon. You will establish the University of Virginia in several years.”
Jefferson paced back and forth. “I have to believe you because nobody knows that I want to do that. How did you get here?”
“I was in the White House a…”
“What’s the White House you speak of?”
“You designed it. All the presidents live there. So, I had tripped and since I was on the floor, I noticed a door I hadn’t used. I opened it, and I ended up here. The door disappeared. I asked someone for an explanation, but they ripped my suit.”
“I don’t know what to think.” Jefferson put his hand to his head.
“I need to go back to 2051. But how?” said James.
“Well, if you’re here, you shall get a job. What can you do?”
“I can be a lawyer. I have my degree.”
“I’ll get you a degree. Your name will be William Baron. I will get you some regular clothes. I will tell my friend, Christopher Fin, that you need an apartment.. You will look for opportunities, study, and pay him rent.”
“I have to live here! I-I-I guess, but is that it. I’m stuck here forever?”
“Can you think of anything better? I have work to do…lots of it. Go get in the carridge.”
James did as he was told, now to be known as William Baron.
Jefferson told Christopher what to do, and “William” followed the orders. Jefferson was kind enough to pay his first rent.
The apartment was small and empty. There was one window, and when he looked out he saw dirt and dirt and more dirt.
He decided he should go look for a job. Jefferson gave him $20. In 2051, he was rich. Instead of going out, he lay down and had a tantrum.
“SHUT UP!” yelled someone below him. William lay there for the rest of the night.
In the morning, he knew he had to do something. “How does a lawyer get a job today?” William thought. He had to go to the bathroom. There wasn’t a pot. “Oh, don’t tell me I have to use the window?” he thought. He had to go really bad. He walked to the window and did what he had to do.
He walked out later and saw a woman who looked friendly. “Hello, do you know how I can advertise myself. My name is William Baron, and I am a lawyer.”
“Yes, go to the building over there and buy some flyers.” replied the lady.
“Thank you.” said William. He walked to the building and got 50 flyers for $5 with his information. He posted some in the town. He decided to walk and post them as spread out as possible. Anyway, what else did he have to do? He was only the President in 2051. He wondered if they were looking for him.
At the end of the day, he was ready to fall asleep on the floor. He hoped people would see the flyer. He walked all day, stopping only to eat and “do his business.”
The next day, someone knocked on the door. It was the same woman he saw yesterday.
“I would like you to be my lawyer. I live in 518 N. Hedge St. Come by this week and we shall discuss the details.”
William told her he would and stood in the room. He better study up on the current laws. He was so glad he had a job.
He went over to the lady’s house. Her name was Ruby McTran. They discussed his pay, and his duties. She gave him his first payment after they finished.
William went straight to buy a pot and some food. He was happy to have the pot in his home. It was better than the window. He later disposed of it contents by the window.
The month went by, and he was surviving. He had food and a job. That was fine. He was starting to get used to the stench and dirt of New York. He knew he would get a higher job as a lawyer soon. Maybe he would go back to his time soon. He sure would love it.
William ended up staying there 1 year.
On September 28, 1804, he got up to use the pot and tripped. Then, the door appeared. He walked through it, and he was back in the White House. He closed the door and opened it. It now just had some janitor supplies. He fainted.
“President James. President James. Please wake up. Oh, President James,” said a voice.
President James woke up. He saw his doctor. He had some normal clothes. “What year is it?”
“Uh, September 28, 2051.” replied the confused doctor.
“Ugh, it’s just like Narnia,” President James thought.
“Are you alright President James? You may return to your normal duties now. Everything is good,” said the doctor.
“Okay,” replied President James. He got up, and walked to his room. He took the nice shower.
Later, he walked through the city with his 2 bodyguards. He walked, and when he got tired, he stood and just looked around. He grinned.
“I love it here and now,” said President James. He never spoke of his adventure-ever.