March 31, 2010
By SpecialAgentBob BRONZE, Santa Maria, California
SpecialAgentBob BRONZE, Santa Maria, California
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

“Nicolai, Russia just recently celebrated the fall of the Soviet empire. In order to celebrate our new capitalist doors, I want you to make a video showing the joys of capitalism and freedom,” asked Poochinski, “I’m the new CEO of the Russian Television Services, and I say that we need to make a good movie.” The two men stood in the main office of the new studio in Moscow.
“Alright boss, but I don’t know how I’m going to do it,” said Nicolai, while rubbing his beard.
“I’m sure you will be able to figure out a good video,” he said. With that both men left the room.

Nicolai stood in his luxurious apartment. He looked out his panoramic window onto the display outside. He saw traffic jams, and people shouting at each other. Many of the monuments from the Soviet era were still visible. He suddenly felt very wrong, like he didn’t belong here. He picked up his phone and dialed a number. “Yuri, how are you?”
“I’m good how ‘bout you, Comrade?”
“I’m just fine,” Nicolai began pacing the room. “Look, we need to make a movie.”
“What kind of movie?’
“No, this isn’t like the old movies.”
“Oh okay, I’m in.”
“Good, I need you to get every resource that you can, to make this movie. We’re going to need a lot of junk,” said Nicolai. He told a long list of supplies that were need for the movie.
“I’ll get them Boss, don’t worry.”
“Good, we’ll start shooting tomorrow.”

The next day, Nicolai stood in the new studio with Yuri. Both were over seeing the construction and rehearsal of some of the scenes. Nicolai would shout out an order and Yuri would repeat the order to the staff. This went on for several weeks, until they finally had their movie finished. With the finished product, Nicolai walked into Poochinski’s office.
“I have the movie boss,” he walked over to Poochinski, and handed him the movie.
“Excellent, let us watch it.” Both of them walked over to a nice personal theater, where they began the movie. They both sat transfixed before the movie screen. Scene
after scene showed what appeared to be almost an exact remake of Citizen Kane. After the movie they met back at the office. Poochinski sat in his chair behind the desk. Nicolai sat in front.
“That was some of the worst crap I’ve ever seen,” shouted Poochinski while putting his legs up on the desk. “I want a new version on my deck by tomorrow!”
“Yes boss,” said Nicolai with a puzzled face as he ran out the door.

“Yuri, we need to make a new movie!” shouted Nicolai through the telephone. He was sitting in his apartment in downtown Moscow. He was pacing the floor wondering what to do.
“Well that's great, that's just freakin' great, man. Now what are we supposed to do? We're in some real pretty crap now man...”
“Yuri, get a hold of yourself man…”
“That's it man, the end man, the end! What are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?” shouted Yuri. He was beginning to become hysterical. Nobody had ever spent that much money on a movie before, just to have it scraped.
“Get a hold of yourself man,” shouted Nicolai. “What are some of the supplies that we have left?”
“Uh, we got some rejected sound tracks for the film. We got some yellow background paper. Um… and we have some clothes changing racks.”
“Great that will do,” said Nicolai while looking at his watch. “Meet me at the studio in ten minutes.”
“Okay, I’ll be there.”

“Yuri, what do you think of when you hear about capitalism?” asked Nicolai. They were both in the studio now. Yuri was getting the stage set up for the next shooting. He came down off of a ladder he was on.
“I don’t know. When ever I see pictures of Americans, they are always smiling.”
“Exactly, Yuri,” answered Nicolai. He helped Yuri move the camera into place. “Here’s what we are gonna do. You’re going to play the sound track and I’m going to walk into view of the camera with a nice big smile. I’ll hum the song and then we’ll be done.”
“That’s it boss?” asked Yuri. “I thought we would do more.”
“No, that’s it.”
“Okay boss.”

“Here’s the movie sir,” Nicolai dropped the movie onto the desk of Poochinski.
“Great, let’s watch it.” Both men walked over to the private theater. After several minutes they both came back out. “That was the greatest movie I’ve ever seen.”

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