Memories and Nightmares

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The scent of death filled the air in my town of Hamburg Germany. Like always fear filled me as I woke up from another nightmare. Each night they filled my vision. The memories of the past haunting me. Bringing me back to the day last year when my bruder Garvyn died a horrible death.
It was a Saturday morning. The scent of flowers filled the air all around. This was my Mutter and Vater’s way to keep the disease away, but yet the flowers couldn’t hide the scent of death. My parents were sitting in the kitchen while drinking water and talking “How are we going to tell her about her friend?” My mutter asked. “Same way I’ll tell her about Uncle Georg.” My Vater returned as a reply. “What’s wrong with Uncle Georg? Is Adalia better?” I asked nervously like any nine years old would in a situation like this. “Uncle Georg is gone, he ran away to stay in quarantine, he believes he will be safe if he runs away from the disease” (ws) My Vater told me. “Oh, so he left us?” I said feeling left out and like no one really cares about family anymore. “Yes dear, he left us…” My Vater said with sorrow-filled eyes. Uncle Georg was his brother after all. “What’s going on with Adalia?” I asked. My mutter kneeled down next to me with hurt in her eyes, “Darling, I’m sorry to tell you this, but…she’s gone, the disease has taken her” she told me. I didn’t know what to say. She was my best friend. How many people were going to die? I couldn’t cry, I swear I’ll never be able to cry again. I’ve cried so much within the past few weeks, the death of my Großvater my Tante and now Adailia, who is next? Just then we heard a scream from upstairs “Mutter, Ich don’t feel gut” My brother Garvyn yelled. A moment of panic ran through the house. My parents and I exchanged worried glances. “Hon, go check on Garv will you?” My mutter told my Vater. My Vater listened and walked upstairs. “Mutter Ich can’t take any more death!” I exclaimed warm tears rolling down my face. “Honey, none of us want this, it just ist the way it ist” My mutter explained to me. My Vater came down and sighed, “He has a fever” He said then sat down. “It-It’s not safe here anymore” My mutter said. “I don’t think we should stay, Resi, Rad, go pack your things, we’re leaving” She finished. “Leave Garvyn here to die?! Ich don’t think so!”I screamed. “I’m not leaving my son here, if we leave, he comes” My Vater said. “He’s going to die anyway! What’s the point of staying here and watching as he dies and watching as all of us get sick and die too! The only way we can escape this nightmare is to leave NOW!” My mutter replied. “Mutter we can’t leave him! He’s only eight! What if he survives this disaster and is all alone because you left him!” I said, all of us were yelling by now. “I don’t care! I am NOT dying because of this, I’m leaving, come on guys pack your things” My mutter said. “Ich bin not leaving!” My dad yelled, “You can go and leave us just like Georg did, go live all alone in quarantine and go insane! Have fun, now leave” My Vater said, this was the first time I’ve ever heard them fight. Then my mutter left, she just walked out as if none of us mattered to her at all. Garvyn walked downstairs, “Why were you all yelling? Where is mutter?” He asked. “Your Mutter left.” Vater said then walked upstairs. “Resi?” He asked me. “Yea?” I replied. “What’s wrong with me?” I sighed at his question, how was I supposed to tell him he’s sick and is going to die in about three to five days. “You’re sick, that’s all…” I replied hoping he wouldn’t ask more. “Is it sick like Großvater was? Or is it sick like I’ll be better?” My bruder asked. “Like Großvater was” I replied with a sigh. “So I’m not gonna get better” He asked with disappointment and fear. “Most likely not, that’s why Mutter left, she couldn’t take any more death” I replied, only half-lying. “I heard her say she didn’t want to get sick” Garvyn said. “Yea, that’s why” I said, “you should go back to bed; maybe if you sleep you’ll get better.” I told him. “No, I won’t, I’m gonna die like Großvater and like Tante.” He simply said before walking upstairs.

The next morning I woke up to the sound of puking and screaming. I ran to my Vater’s room, “Vater, Garvyn is puking!” I said, “I’m aware of that” He sleepily replied getting out of bed and followed me running into Garv’s room, “Garv, you okay?” My Vater asked somehow his voice showing no fear. “Blood!” He exclaimed pointing to where he puked on the floor of his room. “Are you in any pain?” My vater asked still no fear shown in his voice although I could now see it in his face. “Yea, like my arms kill” Garvyn replied. “Go back to bed you’ll be okay.” Vater told him then walked out of the room. “Did vater lie? Will I really be okay? Or was he just lying to me?” My bruder asked me. “Truthfully?” I asked, “Truthfully” He replied. “I think he was lying” With those words Garv began to cry, then said “How could he lie to me? I thought he would never lie to me!” “Garv, I thought mutter would never leave us, but I was wrong about that, but vater only lied so you wouldn’t worry” I explained to him. “How can I not worry??? I’m lying here feeling like I’m dying! Isn’t it obvious I’d find out he lied to me?” Garv questioned me. “Garv, go back to bed, rest, I can’t promise you will be okay, heck I can’t promise anyone will be okay, as far as I know, this is the end of the world!”(ws) Then I walked out. How could this be happening? Why was this happening? “Oh God please let this nightmare end!” I whispered aloud as I walked back into my room.

Today when I woke up, it was to the sound of coughing. I walked into Garv’s bedroom and saw him laying in his bed with big black apple sized lumps on him. “Oh God!” I exclaimed. “Resi, Ich -Ich don’t want to die” He said, his voice horse. “Garv, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but everyone who has gotten this disease so far, has only lived three to five days longer” I said. “So I might die today?! If this is my last day I don’t want to spend it-“ He stopped a second to cough, he coughed up some blood before continuing, “I don’t want to spend it like this” He finished, his eyes wet with tears. “We could get you a doctor, or a priest, or someone?” I said questioningly. “No, all I want is my mutter” He said. “I’m sorry Garvy, she’s not coming back. “Kids, I have to go to work…I’ll be home later tonight” My vater said as he left the house. My vater is a barber. “’Kay, bye Vater” Me and Garvyn said at the same time. Garvyn yawned. “Garv, I think the only thing you can do, is to rest, to dream, and wait for death to come for you, it won’t be that bad, death might be good, you’ll go to Heaven and be healthy again, you’ll see Großvater and Tante again too, and you will see Adalia” I said. “But, I’m only eight; I don’t want to die yet!” He exclaimed. “Shh, it’ll be okay, just get some rest.” I said. About five hours later my vater got home. I said gutan nacht to him before going in to check on Garvyn once more. He was sleeping, with a smile on his face. “Gutan Nacht Garvy” I whispered into the dark room.

This morning was a lot different than all the others. Instead of waking up to noise, I woke up to an abnormal silence in the house. It was as if the whole world had been turned on mute. It was dark in my silent home. I went into my vater’s room to see him still sleeping. It was only 8:00AM anyway. Then I walked down the hall to Garvyn’s room. I slowly opened the door, it’s wood creaked as it slid open. I looked at the bed where my little bruder lay. Not one sound was in the room, not one living breath came from Garv’s body. It was over. All his pain, his suffering gone, thinking of it like that, I was almost happy he had passed away. But then I thought about him more. He and I were really close. He was the only one I could really talk to, the only one I completely trusted. A blessing from God. Now here he lay, lifeless. The feeling of death sent a gloomy cloud around our house. I walked over to his bed and whispered into his un-living ear, “Tell Großvater and Tante and Adalia I said hi, tell everyone I love them very much, including you, have fun in Heaven” After whispering to him I walked back to my vater’s room and said “It’s over” Then walked into my small bedroom and cried. I couldn’t wait to be with him again. My wish was granted, because that night, I got a fever.





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