All Nonfiction Bullying Books Academic Author Interviews Celebrity interviews College Articles College Essays Educator of the Year Heroes Interviews Memoir Personal Experience Sports Travel & CultureAll Opinions Bullying Current Events / Politics Discrimination Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking Entertainment / Celebrities Environment Love / Relationships Movies / Music / TV Pop Culture / Trends School / College Social Issues / Civics Spirituality / Religion Sports / Hobbies
- Summer Guide
- College Guide
- Author Interviews
- Celebrity interviews
- College Articles
- College Essays
- Educator of the Year
- Personal Experience
- Travel & Culture
- Current Events / Politics
- Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking
- Entertainment / Celebrities
- Love / Relationships
- Movies / Music / TV
- Pop Culture / Trends
- School / College
- Social Issues / Civics
- Spirituality / Religion
- Sports / Hobbies
- Community Service
- Letters to the Editor
- Pride & Prejudice
- What Matters
The Flaming Key (Chinatsuki Adventures)
It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Chinatsu, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling abnormally angered, Chinatsu attacked a gerbil, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, she realized that her beloved key was missing! Immediately she called her wild and idiotic friend, Natsuki. Chinatsu had known Natsuki for 2 years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Natsuki was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... clueless. Chinatsu called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Natsuki picked up to a very mad Chinatsu. Natsuki calmly assured her that most Japanese snow monkeys sigh before mating, yet albino cats usually flamboyantly sneeze after mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Chinatsu. Why was Natsuki trying to distract Chinatsu? Because he had snuck out from Chinatsu's with the key only ten days prior. It was a flaming little key... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Chinatsu got back to the subject at hand: her key. Natsuki belched. Reluctantly, Natsuki invited her over, assuring her they'd find the key. Chinatsu grabbed a gerbil and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Natsuki realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the key and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Chinatsu took the gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV, he had take at least nine minutes before Chinatsu would get there. But if she took the gerbil-fueled magic carpet? Then Natsuki would be really screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Natsuki was interrupted by seven stupid flying cats that were lured by his key. Natsuki cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he thoughtfully shot fireballs at them and aimlessly poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the gerbil-fueled magic carpet rolling up. It was Chinatsu.
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 21-pack of dull pencils, so she knew she was running late. With a skillful leap, Chinatsu was out of the skateboard and went wildly jaunting toward Natsuki's front door. Meanwhile inside, Natsuki was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the key into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind his refrigerator. Natsuki was stunned but at least the key was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Natsuki earnestly purred. With a careful push, Chinatsu opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive flaming idiot in a spaceship,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Natsuki assured her. Chinatsu took a seat mysteriously distant from where Natsuki had hidden the key. Natsuki panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Chinatsu was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Natsuki noticed a pestering look on Chinatsu's face. Chinatsu slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Natsuki felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when Chinatsu asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the key right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Chinatsu's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades from when she used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Chinatsu nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Natsuki could react, Chinatsu fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The key was plainly in view.
Chinatsu stared at Natsuki for what what must've been six minutes. Absolutely thrilled, Natsuki groped charismatically in Chinatsu's direction, clearly desperate. Chinatsu grabbed the key and bolted for the door. It was locked. Natsuki let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Chinatsu,' he rebuked. Natsuki always had been a little abrasive, so Chinatsu knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Natsuki did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, she gripped her key tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Natsuki looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Chinatsu. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Chinatsu. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Natsuki walked over to the window and looked down. Chinatsu was gone.
Just yonder, Chinatsu was struggling to make her way through the secret vineyard behind Natsuki's place. Chinatsu had severely hurt her taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral flying cats suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the key. One by one they latched on to Chinatsu. Already weakened from her injury, Chinatsu yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of flying cats running off with her key.
About eight hours later, Chinatsu awoke, her taint throbbing. It was dark and Chinatsu did not know where she was. Deep in the arid imaginery desert, Chinatsu was excessively lost. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, she remembered that her key was taken by the flying cats. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a enlarged flying cat emerged from the disease-infested jungle. It was the alpha flying cat. Chinatsu opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the flying cat sunk its teeth into Chinatsu's neck. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Chinatsu's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.
Less than five miles away, Natsuki was entombed by anguish over the loss of the key. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened ripened avocado. With a calculated thrust, he buried it deeply into his thigh. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Chinatsu... wishing he had found the courage to tell her that he loved her. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the key that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sapling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant flying cats, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
(Don't worry, they are immortal. Natsuki just needed a nap and Chinatsu is immune to poison. Nothing to worry about.)