Dad's An Asshole | Teen Ink

Dad's An Asshole

January 25, 2016
By idiotdirtbag SILVER, Albany, Oregon
idiotdirtbag SILVER, Albany, Oregon
6 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I require ham." -Luke Hemmings


"Luke, honey?" Ashton called out from their bedroom. When there was no response, he walked out into the kitchen, assuming his husband was in there. He didn't find Luke in there, but he did find that the trash can was overflowing. "Luke?"

"Yeah? I'm in the living room, babe," Luke replied.

Ashton wandered in there, seeing his husband sitting on the couch, feet up on the coffee table, watching television. "Sweetie, can you please take out the trash? I need to get the kids ready for bed."

"Yeah, of course," Luke smiled. "But I'm gonna wait until the next commercial. It's getting to a really good part and I don't wanna miss anything."

Ashton rolled his eyes and chuckled, then started walking to their kids' rooms. Ashton and Luke had been happily married for three years. After their first year of marriage, they had decided that their little family of two wasn't quite enough for them. They ended up adopting two beautiful children, a boy named Holden and his sister, Eleanor. The two of them got put into the foster care system together when their birth parents left them alone, deciding they wanted nothing to do with them. It's sad, but now they're both in a loving family, with two dads who care about them very much.

"Eleanor?" Ashton said, knocking on his daughter's door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah!" the five-year-old called back.

The honey-blond lad opened the door to reveal his kids playing with ponies on the floor. "It's time to clean up the toys and get jammies on, okay?"

"Okay, daddy," Eleanor said sweetly, beginning to pick up the ponies.

"Save up to 20% on Macy's weekend sale!" Ashton heard the TV speak.

"Holden, sweetie, please go tell dad that it's time for him to take out the trash," Ashton said, ruffling the four-year-old's brunet hair as he ran past him.

Holden ran into the living room, seeing his dad still lying on the couch.

"Hey, buddy," Luke greeted the small boy.

"Dad said that you gotta take out the trash right now or else," Holden threatened.

Luke rolled his eyes at his husband's commands and scoffed at the fact he sent their son to deliver it. "All right. Go get your pajamas on, okay?"

After Holden left the room, Luke got up and went to grab the trash out of the kitchen. He then stepped out onto the front porch but quickly ran back inside when realizing he didn't have any shoes on and the ground was freezing cold. He looked around for his shoes, but they weren't in the spot he normally had them in.

Suddenly, there was a change of tone on the TV and Luke looked up to see his show back on. Luke groaned, frantically searching for his shoes. His eyes landed on a pair. "F*** it," he said, putting on the only shoes near him — Eleanor's plastic dress up shoes.

His feet were way too large for those shoes, given the fact that they belonged to a five-year-old. Luke struggled more walking with them on than he would've if he were barefoot. He hobbled back into the house and quickly removed Eleanor's shoes. He turned to go back into the living room when he was stopped by Ashton.

"Were you just wearing our daughter's dress up shoes?" he questioned, c***ing an eyebrow.

"They were the only shoes! I couldn't find mine anywhere!" Luke said defensively, using rather extravagant arm gestures.

"Your shoes are right there," Ashton said, pointing to the floor under the dinner table.

"Okay, well they weren't there when I was looking for them," he muttered.

"Sure they weren't," Ashton laughed. "Go say good night to the kids, Holden's waiting for you to tuck him in."

Luke walked to the kid's bedrooms as Ashton began to examine Eleanor's dress up shoes. They were all scuffed up and the plastic top had detached. He sighed, annoyed at Luke's stupid behavior, and threw the shoes away.

***

"Daddy?" Eleanor began to ask, as she tried to shake Ashton awake the next morning.

He opened one of his eyes to see the little girl standing in front of him. He cleared his throat and groggily replied, "Yeah, sweetie?"

"Why are my princess shoes in the garbage?" she questioned through teary eyes.

Ashton sighed and rubbed his eyes. "They're broken, love. I had to throw them away."

"But... Daddy, they're my favorite," Eleanor began crying. "How'd they break? I was careful!"

Luke had popped his head out of the bathroom that was connected to his and Ashton's room. "I accidentally broke them, princess."

Eleanor turned to Luke, who looked really sad himself. "W-why would you do that?"

"Because Dad's an asshole," Luke sighed.

Eleanor gasped. "Dad, you said a bad word! Put a dollar in the swear jar!"

Ashton was still lying in bed, laughing to himself. "Ellie, go get dressed and brush your teeth and Dad will take you to the store, okay?"

Eleanor agreed and ran to her room. When she was gone, Luke walked up to the bed and sat next to Ashton. "I feel awful."

"Well you should, you broke our daughter's shoes, asstown."

"You need to keep reminding me, jerk," Luke said, playfully hitting his husband. He got up and stretched. "Well, I guess I'm going to the store so I'll be back soon."

Luke began to walk out of the bedroom, but Ashton stopped him. "Wait, Lukey."

"What?" he turned.

"You think you're going to leave without giving me a kiss?"

"I'm just going to the store," Luke said, as if it were the most obvious thing.

"With Eleanor. Who knows how long you'll be gone?" Ashton joked.

"You've got a point."

Luke walked over to his husband, placing a sweet kiss on his lips, and told him he loves him. He then made sure Eleanor was ready and got her in the car with him. On the drive to the store, Eleanor was singing along to the radio like no one was watching. Luke looked in the rear-view mirror to see the little girl bobbing her head to the beat. He smiled largely, thinking it was the cutest thing.

***

"I want this one, Dad!" Eleanor said, pointing at a pink tutu.

Luke shook his head. "Sweetie, we're here to get new princess shoes, that's it. You know that."

She looked down at her feet. "Okay, Dad. Sorry."

Luke held her hand and brought her to the dress up shoe section. "Pick the ones you like best, yeah?"

Eleanor's eyes widened at all the pretty shoes that were on the shelf in front of her. She grabbed a pair of purple ones with a flower on top and then put them back. She then grabbed a blue, sparkly pair and then did the same.

"What's wrong with those ones, love?" Luke questioned.

"I don't know which ones to get... I love them both. They're so pretty."

Luke sighed. "You can get them both, I guess."

Eleanor looked up at Luke with the biggest smile displayed. "Really, Dad? I can?"

Luke nodded. He knew he shouldn't have given in, but he felt bad. He did break her other pair. Eleanor happily grabbed the shoes and looked to Luke.

They started walking toward the register to pay for the shoes but when they walked down the aisle, Luke snatched the tutu that Eleanor wanted.

"Dad, what're you doing with that?" she asked him.

"A princess can't have shoes without a tutu, now can they?"

Eleanor smiled. "We're getting it?!"

"Of course, Princess."

"It'll go great with my tiara and sparkle wand!" she enthused.

Luke smiled at how happy his daughter was because of something so simple. They put the tutu and shoes on the conveyor belt of the cash register and Luke began to pull out some cash from his wallet.

Luke felt a tug on his pants and looked down at the small brunette after giving his money to the cashier. "What is it, darling?"

"Thank you so much, Dad," Eleanor spoke sweetly, eyes doe-like as possible. "You're the best! I love you."

"I love you, too, Princess. And you're welcome."

As the cashier gave Luke his change back, she smiled saying, "You've got yourself a good kid there. I would kill to have kids that polite and grateful."

Luke was a little confused, not at the compliment of his daughter's behavior, but at the fact this unknown lady was complaining to him about her kids. Surely, he believed it was all her fault for raising her children to be the way they are — she had no room to complain, she sort of made them that way. Either way, he smiled back at her and said, "Aw, well thanks. Kids are pretty tricky, but they sure are a blessing."

What the hell was that? Luke thought. Why did I say that? I'm not a Hallmark card, nor am I some wise, old man. I have got to stop watching those spiritual documentaries with Ash.

After telling the lady to have a nice day and grabbing the bags, he and Eleanor got back into the car to head back home.

"Dad?" Eleanor said from the backseat.

Luke quickly glanced at her through the mirror, seeing concern washing over her face. "Yeah?"

"We didn't get anything for Holden."

"You're right. We came to get you new princess shoes, remember?"

"Yeah, I know, but, that's not very fair. If he doesn't get something I know he'll be so sad. I don't want to make him sad!"

Luke sighed, not really wanting to spend anymore more money today. It's not that he favored Eleanor over Holden, or didn't want to buy his son anything, he just spent more money than he intended to with Eleanor and really would like to get home. "We already left the store, love."

Eleanor's small finger tapped on the window next to her booster seat, pointing at a couple buildings through the window. "Dad, there's stores right there. Lots!"

The blond sighed once again, turning the car as he pulled into the parking lot of the small strip mall. When the car stopped, he turned to look at the girl in the back. "Okay, we're going in here to get Holden one thing. Got it? That's all. We're not going to get anything else."

Eleanor nodded frantically. "Got it, Dad."

At home, Ashton was watching a film with Holden, the two boys cuddled together on the couch. He was constantly checking the time, trying to figure out when his husband and daughter were going to be home, considering they've been gone for a lot longer than necessary.

[To: Lukey ????
Where are you guys? You've been gone an awful long time.]

Not much later, he got a response.

[From: Lukey ????
We finished Ellie's shopping a while ago but she insisted on getting something for Holden.]

[To: Lukey ????
So you're still at the store? When're gonna be home?]

[From: Lukey ????
Soon, hopefully lol x]

***

Ashton sighed, pulling up his and Holden's blanket, and brought the small boy closer to him. He nuzzled his head into the arm of the couch, trying to get as comfortable as possible.

Suddenly, the air of the room had become a bit more warm, a bit more musky, a bit more... Fecal. Ashton sniffed a bit, trying to identify the new scent, then scrunched his nose up in disgust when having an idea of what it might be. "Holden? Was that you?"

The small boy emitted a giggle as his face began turning scarlet. "Yeah."

"Yuck!" The father laughed. "What do you say, sicko?"

"'Scuse me, Daddy," Holden spoke, trying not to giggle any more than he already was.

The front door opened and Eleanor ran in, going straight to her bedroom. Luke walked in, placing the shopping bags on the kitchen table, then proceeding into the living room. "Ew, what's that smell?"

"Your son," Ashton said, still disgusted.

The tall blond looked down at Holden and his husband and shook his head. "He's your son, too, love. Holden there's a toy for you on the table. It's in the grey bag."

Holden jumped up and ran into the kitchen as fast as he could, letting out a loud and happy "Thank you, Dad!"

Luke patted Ashton's feet, signaling that he needed to move them off the cushion. The honey-blond picked his feet up enough so Luke could sit down, but then laid them back down, this time on Luke's lap.

"What took you guys so long? You were gone for hours. I was starting to get worried you got lost or the car broke down or something," Ashton said, turning his head to look at the lad beneath his feet.

Luke exhaled very audibly, showing his exhaustion from the morning's activities. "Well, we went to get dress up shoes and she couldn't decide on what pair to get because they were both 'too pretty to choose from,' so she got both. Then I bought her a tutu she really wanted-"

"Babe, you know you can't do that," Ashton, being the more stern parent, interrupted. "We've talked about this before. If we get the kids everything they want, they'll become spoiled and we'll become broke."

"I know, but you should've seen her face, Ashy," he sighed, trying to defend himself. "I already felt bad enough for ruining her shoes, I couldn't tell her no. I don't want to be anymore of an asshole than I already am."

"Swear jar!" Holden yelled from the kitchen.

Ashton began chuckling as their son marched in the room, holding the swear jar in his tiny hands, demanding that his dad put a dollar in, considering he broke the rules. Luke reluctantly jammed the dollar in it, and Holden ran off.

"Anyway, that shouldn't have taken that long," Ashton reasoned.

"Yeah, I'm aware," Luke replied, a little sass to his tone. "We were driving home and she insisted that we stopped to get Holden something because she didn't want him to be sad that she got new stuff and he didn't. Then, I was starving, so I decided to take her out, you know, that way we could have father-daughter bonding time."

"Or because you wanted to eat out but didn't want to pay for the whole family," Ashton joked.

Ashton knew Luke. He knew him like the back of his hand. He knew that that's what he actually did. And he was right. That's exactly what happened because Luke was too lazy to cook something and eating out with all four of them is kind of spendy. It's not like he didn't want to spend time with the other two, he just blew a lot of money on toys that his kids didn't really need.

Despite it being the truth, Luke pretended to be shocked that his husband had said something like that and playfully hit his leg. "I would never! I can't believe you thought that your loving husband would do such a thing."

Ashton laughed, rolling his eyes. "Whatever you say, dear."

***

Later that night, after the kids were tucked in and fast asleep, Ashton and Luke were lying in their bed.

"You do know that you're definitely going to have to stop spoiling our children, right?" Ashton said, turning onto his side to face the blond.

Luke sighed. "I know, and I'm going to work on it, love. I promise. It's just hard to say no to them. They're so cute and I just want to give them all they'd like."

"Yeah, I understand," Ashton nodded, gliding his fingers up and down his husband's arm. "I get really tired being the stern parent, Luke."

"I'll try to buck up so you can relax more, yeah?"

Ashton leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to his lips. "Thanks, babe."

Luke kissed him again and again before slowly pulling away and looking at Ashton with lust-filled, blue eyes. "You know," he began before kissing him once more. "It's been a while since we had some fun."

"You're right," Ashton smirked, pressed a deeper kiss to Luke's plump lips, feeling the metal of his lip ring.

Just as they were about to further their make-out session, they heard a soft knock on the door and saw Holden standing in the doorway. "Daddy, I'm scared."

Ashton got up and walked to his son, crouching down to his eye level. "What happened, bud? You have a bad dream?"

Holden nodded, bringing his hands up to rub his tired, crying eyes. "There... There was a big m-monster a-and he hurted you," he cried. Ashton wrapped his arms around the small boy, trying to comfort him. "A-and then he hurted Dad a-and-" he tried to finish, but he couldn't on account of the crying.

"Oh, buddy," Ashton said, picking him up. "It's going to be all right. Dad and I are fine and healthy."

Luke nodded from their bed. "Yeah, there's no monster. You, me, Eleanor, and Daddy are all okay."

Holden nodded slowly, nuzzling into his dad's neck.

"Let's get you back to bed, yeah?" Ashton spoke sweetly.

"No, no, no!" Holden yelled, squirming around. "He's under my bed!"

Ashton tried shushing him as quickly as possible. "Okay, okay. You can sleep in mine and Dad's bed tonight."

The honey-blond carried their child to their bed. He laid him down in between their parents. Luke looked at Ashton with pleading eyes, trying to nonchalantly point out his "little problem."

"Sorry, babe. I'll make it up to you tomorrow?" Ashton whispered, before kissing Luke.

"I love you, Dad," Holden said quietly. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you, too," his parents said in unison.

They snuggled together, both wrapping their strong arms around the boy in the middle, trying to protect him from his scary thoughts.

Luke looked to Ashton and whispered, "Can they stay with your mum tomorrow night?"

"We'll see," Ashton laughed.


The author's comments:

An AU where Luke and Ashton have a very cute family and Luke makes bad decisions. 


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