your tears are not for me | Teen Ink

your tears are not for me

June 30, 2014
By Beautiful_Abomination-16 GOLD, Bend , Oregon
Beautiful_Abomination-16 GOLD, Bend , Oregon
12 articles 3 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am lost in all the darkness of my sins, but your love is what lights my path, the whole way through all of it

My children Caroline faith Logan Daniel Adam and destiny,
I know I promised I would stay with you forever and I know I said I would be with you as you grow. I know leave you with your mother to think of me as I was let your memory of me grow as I live on but without you. don't think of me if my last moments when I was angry hesitant and I was mad at the simplest things my children I love you all Caroline face Logan you may not have been mine but I could claim you as my own and I did everyday that I live with you.
my wife autumn,
I love you and you have changed my life for the last few years that I've been with you 3 years it is how much I loved you times a million. at first I was angry confused lost scared I had no idea what to do. I wish I could take a moment to be with you that much longer and I wish I could stay but something is telling me I have to go please take care of her children and remember me. I would deeply understand if you wish to move on I was not the best to be with nor did I ever expect I would be. I know it's not the easiest to deal with but I think you for putting up with me.
my sister Elizabeth and Lillian,
you guys were my everything from start to end, Lillian I've known you since you were the youngest cutest little thing afterall you're my twin and Elizabeth I will never regret the day that I had saved you and brought you into my home as my own little sister. you guys were my first love I know it sounds odd but you're the only one I could ever imagine myself being with forever.

shade my best friend,
I love you man. you were the only one that was like me in almost every way and I thank you for accepting me and realizing that you're not alone. I will never ever regret every laugh every tear every hug every word I shared with you. man I miss the days that we would sing together dance across the stage in sure our songs we would spare every word to each other nothing was ever held back.
owl and adder,
I created you I put all of my memories in both of your heads I picked for animals and used humans with you you became the wonderful people you Adder, I wish to see you, the innocent little girl a made smiling laughing with dark and your beautiful new daughter I owl, I hope you come from the angry man that only knew discipline and training to smile with cinder and your child and the children you take as your own
cinder and everyone else,
you all have made me happy others have made me wonder I can't believe how far is come with all of you every single one of you used to hate me I'm think I was completely despicable but now I see you were just preparing me for life and showing me what it really means to be Who I am I love each and everyone of you you are my family you are my life you are what I lived protecting and now you're what I die for live on without me and worship every day even when I'm not there by your side
I guess it really is goodbye this time I hope you all live a life that you were supposed to

The author's comments:
This is like a suicide note thing

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This article has 2 comments.

on Jul. 22 2014 at 7:40 pm
TheComet PLATINUM, Mostaganem, Other
22 articles 1 photo 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret" -Ambrose Bierce
" Be yourself! Everybody else is already taken ;)"
"Don't go where the path leads you. Go instead where there's no path and leave a trail ;)"-R.W.Emerson

I just realized I didn't talk about your poem hahaha lol :P Well actually it was really great I loved it. I know it's a suicide letter, it's deep and sad but other than that it was really poetic and symbolic. Saying Goodbye to the lovers is really tough (I know what you feel "See You Soon" remember?) But even so I truly believe that we'll eventually meet again one fine day. Keep writing it's amazing!! ^_^

on Jul. 22 2014 at 7:24 pm
TheComet PLATINUM, Mostaganem, Other
22 articles 1 photo 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret" -Ambrose Bierce
" Be yourself! Everybody else is already taken ;)"
"Don't go where the path leads you. Go instead where there's no path and leave a trail ;)"-R.W.Emerson

I was kind of sad later then when you suddenly left without letting me finish what I had in mind :( I hope you didn't get bored ^_^ I'm so sorry you had to go through so hard and depressing times I really am. All I wanted to say is that I've been through tough times too for more than 5 long years. I was walking on the total wrong way, just taking the wrong direction all the time. You might say it's not your case but when it comes to believing in God we always end up on the same cross roads. I thought I was forgotten and left down with every prayer I prayed and every wish I wished. Tears of blood were burning me down and digging me deeper just wondering what did I ever do wrong so far, wondering why do I deserve this. Am I not good enough to deserve some mercy and reply to my prayers? Oneday came along and I took a little trip to diffrent little towns with my family and as always I was depressed to be outside! We visited diffrent houses, well they didn't look like houses though, saw people living with nothing at all and still happy for being alive. So pour and sick but still saying thanks to the good lord for the least the got. I was just amazed and speechless. it blew my mind away how so pour people, living at the very end of the world in a place that doesn't even deserve to be called a home, are still thanking the good lord above for every single piece of thread they could get or even might. I gotta say I thought they were crazy for being so faithful. Then a little green eyes girl came toward me and just hugged me right away (I knew her dad died in a cancer)....I don't know how to describe that moment! I guess I felt the Love I never felt with anybody ever. that warm hug I had and the innocence I saw in her beautiful eyes. That beautiful crooked smile of hers just ran to dive in my heart and stay engraved till nowadays. i still remember every single emotion I felt. I wondered how or what should i do just to feel such peace and it was the first time in a long time i ever prayed the lord. I realized I wasn't praying for the right things. I was so selfish and especially so blind to all what was right in front of me. I got a little sign ^_^ I knew this was my turn. I knew this was the right way and direction to take. After all what I've been through i guess now i don't regret it so much, it kind of lead me to where I am It lead me to that little green eyes girl ^_^ that looked like an angel. I was sure and certain that all the hard times I had to go through were for my own good. I learned so much more from a trip of two days than I could ever learn from my whole life. I really hope you get what I'm saying and I pray that it'll make you change your mind about your belief. I'm sorry I was really long on this comment lol :P thanks for taking some time to read it :)

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