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Clone Wars--Wild Card
NARRATOR--A Republic Victory! Conquering a Separatist base on the gas planet BESPIN, OBI-WAN KENOBI and his clones handily defeat GENERAL GRIEVOUS’s army of droids.
While NARRATOR speaks, we see images such as starfighters swooping down on a BESPIN SKY COLONY, and KENOBI leading CLONES against a battalion of DROIDS.
NARRATOR--Now a manhunt ensues, as the clones track the infamous GENERAL as he hides in the carbon freezing storage chamber.
Bright lights hang from the ceiling, but they are few and far between. Racks stuffed with misshapen chunks of carbonite create rows upon rows in the huge, basement-like room. GRIEVOUS is creeping down one of these corridors, trying not to make too much noise, as if he is being hunted. Coming to a crossways, he carefully sticks his head out from behind a rack to look up and down the intersecting passageway. Hearing several pairs of rapid footsteps, he hides behind the rack again, not making a sound as a patrol of clone troopers runs past a few rows down. When their marching dies away, he steals across to the other side. As he walks, the racks deteriorate in quality, and the blocks jut out from their positions or are on the floor completely. GRIEVOUS’s shoulder bumps into the corner of a block, but he doesn’t pay it any attention. The block starts to fall, and at the sound of metal grating against metal he lunges ahead of the block before it clunks loudly to the ground. Grumbling, GRIEVOUS leans back against the rack to try and think. As he does so, he hears the click of a button and whirls around. There is a beeping panel there, next to the spot where the fallen block just occupied. The block begins to glow red. GRIEVOUS backs up warily, looking around for clones that may have been attracted by the block’s loud fall. Soon the block vanishes, leaving a GIRL slumped in its place. GRIEVOUS inches closer, but stops when GIRL starts coughing wetly and sits up.
GIRL--Oog...shouldn’t cough up my guts now, should I? *Woozy chuckle*
GIRL tries to stand up, but slips backwards and hits head on another chunk of carbonite.
GIRL shoves the block away with the force. GRIEVOUS narrows his eyes.
GRIEVOUS--Who are you?
GIRL--Who do you think?
GIRL props herself up on a rack successfully.
GIRL--Look pa, no hands! Weee...Wait. Dad...Malak...oh no.
GIRL slumps back down, a faraway look in her eyes.
GIRL--Well, let’s look at this logically. I should’ve been dead, but I’m clearly alive. He backed me up to the carbon freezing chamber...so I must’ve fallen in! I’m alive! *Turns to GRIEVOUS* Hey, Hazmat! Toss me your comm, will you? I have to call Dad. He’s probably on some stupidly dangerous mission to find me or take out his revenge.
GRIEVOUS--Your....dad. *Folds arms sarcastically*
GIRL--No, I’m calling haters anonym--hide!
GIRL shoves GRIEVOUS into a section of empty rack, leaving him to fold himself up to fit. Whirling around, a patrol of CLONES marches up to her, led by CODY. Some CLONES mumble about what a little girl is doing here.
GIRL--Sad, really. Armies haven’t gotten any better since I was a kid. Degenerated, more like.
CODY--Look, kid, have you seen GENERAL GRIEVOUS? Tall but slouches, nasty cough, looks like an overgrown battle droid?
GIRL--Oh, that guy? HA! I walked his dog, that’s for sure! He thought he was such a warrior. I was laughing so hard I could barely see how badly I was beating him!
CODY--Sure you did, kid. Now where is he?
GIRL--In the Bespin morgue. Do you need directions?
CODY--It’s not funny, kid. I’m not gonna ask you again. Now where’s the general?
GIRL--You said you weren’t going to ask me again, but right after that you asked me again. Could you explain so I don’t get a migraine from your stupidity? *In an adult-to-baby voice*
CLONE--Nobody insults Cody! *Steps forward*
CODY--*Turns back at CLONE* Cool it.
GIRL--If you really must know, he’s trying to sneak past us as we speak. Right behind you.
CODY and his CLONES turn around, then start chasing an invisible something down the hall. They fire at nothing and call for backup. GIRL helps GRIEVOUS out of the rack, then they run the other way.
GRIEVOUS--You did that?
GIRL--No, it was the tooth fairy.
GRIEVOUS and GIRL round a corner to see another, slightly smaller patrol of CLONES led by KENOBI.
KENOBI--Grievous. There you are.
KENOBI unsheathes his lightsaber and slowly steps forward.
GIRL--Sorry, we didn’t order a soulless one.
KENOBI--So you’re taking little girls captive now? That’s low.
GIRL--*Laughs* Ginger, please! He couldn’t capture me if I had an anvil strapped to my back!
KENOBI--Watch your tongue, young lady. I don’t fight little girls with attitude disorders.
GIRL--Me neither, but I'd gladly make an exception for you.
KENOBI--Stay out of this!
GRIEVOUS, seeing KENOBI distracted, lunges forward and beats the Jedi back with a flurry of lightsabers. Seeing KENOBI barely holding his own, GIRL scoffs with a lopsided grin.
GIRL--Hey, Ginge! The glue factory’s just down the street when you’re done getting maimed!
KENOBI--Where’d you pick up that abomination?
GIRL--From your mom!
KENOBI whirls from the battle to glare at GIRL.
KENOBI--Ooh, I am SO going to--
GRIEVOUS kicks him into the wall.
GIRL--No, you won’t.
GIRL snatches a lightsaber from GRIEVOUS to start cutting a hole in the wall by KENOBI.
KENOBI and GRIEVOUS start fighting again, while more CLONES gather and start to fire. GIRL blows them all away with a massive force push, even KENOBI and GRIEVOUS. KENOBI starts running towards GIRL to stop her, but GRIEVOUS takes a flying leap and lands in front of him and they start fighting again. GIRL finishes the hole in the wall, but when she kicks it down, she falls through. As she falls, she grabs GRIEVOUS’s hand and pulls him down with her. KENOBI carefully peeks out the hole down at them.
KENOBI--It can’t be that easy. They’ll just fall until they die.
A landspeeder swoops under GRIEVOUS and GIRL and catches them, before speeding away.
KENOBI--And to open my mouth and talk. KENOBI turns to CODY, who has walked up next to him.
KENOBI--Rally some troops and get them in fighters. Find that airspeeder.
CODY and the CLONES march away, and KENOBI follows them after a brief moment. Meanwhile, down at the speeder, GRIEVOUS lands on two CLONES, crushing them. GIRL lands behind GRIEVOUS, but has nothing to break her fall and cries out in pain and annoyance. GRIEVOUS cuts down the rest of the CLONES, then starts driving the speeder. GIRL hops into the copilot seat, putting her feet up and putting her hands behind her head. Suddenly she sits up and looks behind them, where a starfighter is following them.
GRIEVOUS--Do we have a tail?
GIRL--I don’t know, I still can’t see, courtesy of carbon sickness. But judging by my force sense, yes, we have a tail. Starfighter fires, and the laser gets dangerously close to GIRL’s face.
GIRL--Yep! Definitely have a tail!
GRIEVOUS does something with the acceleration controls, then grabs GIRL and jumps off onto a catwalk below. He pulls GIRL into the shadows with him, watches the starfighter fly past after the still-going landspeeder, then lets GIRL go. She recoils and whirls on him in outrage.
GIRL--Tuck-and-rolling off a speeder!? What if you had missed, huh? You could’ve gotten us both killed!
GRIEVOUS--I was buying us time. With any luck, our tail will follow the ship instead of us. Now come on.
GRIEVOUS and GIRL begin running down the catwalk and through some hallways and stairs.
GRIEVOUS--By the way, I don’t think I got your name.
GIRL--KAILAA REVAN, heir to Dark Lord of the Sith and Jedi Master DARTH REVAN, alias the most awesome underage in the galaxy.
GRIEVOUS halts suddenly and whirls around in shock.
KAILAA--Yeah. You know, the hottest celebrity in the galaxy as of now? You’re gawking at his progeny.
GRIEVOUS--But REVAN’s been dead for thousands of years! How can you be his direct daughter?
KAILAA--Thousands of years? Really? Don’t play games with me just because I’ve been frozen in carbonite...which can last forever without damaging anything that happened to be frozen along with it...*Face turns into an expression of shock/horror* holy--!
A shout and a blaster shot that nearly kills KAILAA interrupts her. She and GRIEVOUS continue running into the hangar, where DROIDS start firing at the CLONES chasing the two. GRIEVOUS runs towards his own fighter, then pauses when he realizes KAILAA isn’t following him anymore. KAILAA is running towards KENOBI’s starfighter, but the CLONES don’t seem to notice her, or him. The CLONES start arguing in confusion about where KAILAA and GRIEVOUS went. KAILAA and GRIEVOUS start their fighters and begin flying away, and only now do the CLONES see through KAILAA’s force illusion. They start firing at the starfighters, and KENOBI and CODY run out into the hangar to see them disappear into the clouds.
KENOBI--Is that my fighter?
KENOBI--And that other one was GRIEVOUS, wasn’t it?
KENOBI--Then who was in mine? It obviously wasn’t me.
CODY--I don’t know, sir.
KENOBI--Will you stop calling me sir?
INT: JEDI TEMPLE HOLOGRAM ROOM
Back at the Jedi Temple, YODA, MACE WINDU, and ANAKIN gather around a hologram of KENOBI.
YODA--Master KENOBI. Good to see you, it is. I trust that succeeded, you have?
KENOBI--Yes, Master. But there’s something that’s troubling me. Something I don’t understand.
WINDU--What happened, KENOBI?
KENOBI--I found GRIEVOUS, but he had someone with him. A teenager of sorts, and a short one at that. She somehow blasted us all back with a massive force push. It gave me a killer headache, it was so powerful. I hadn’t felt her force sensitivity until then, implying she was somehow hiding it.
ANAKIN--That would take an inconceivable amount of power. If she’s so strong in the force, why haven’t we recruited her yet?
YODA--Hmm. Disturbing, this puzzle is. Find the answer, I cannot. Only one Jedi there was, with such power. REVAN.
KENOBI shudders at the thought of such power in one man.
WINDU--But he’s been dead for thousands of years. Is she tapping into his power or something?
KENOBI--I don’t know. She didn’t seem to be dark or light side. Wasn’t REVAN a Sith?
YODA--Sith he was, but Jedi was he as well. If connected to REVAN she is, his duplicity she may have as well as his power. Come back to the temple, you must. Look into this matter.
KENOBI--Will do, Master. KENOBI out.
KENOBI’s and GRIEVOUS’s starfighters are parked next to each other in the background, while GRIEVOUS and KAILAA are walking away from them. They are on a misty, rainforested world, though they touched down in a large clearing coated with leaf litter. They fall into step next to each other, though GRIEVOUS keeps his distance, as if afraid of her. KAILAA notices.
KAILAA--What’s the matter? Afraid I’m a time bomb in disguise?
GRIEVOUS--No..! Well, kind of. Yes. You’re Darth Revan’s daughter, why shouldn’t I be afraid of you?
KAILAA--Says the walking tank with freakin’ laser-swords. Why shouldn’t I be afraid of you?
GRIEVOUS--Because you could probably tear my soul into shreds or something nasty like that. I’ve seen the power of the Force, though I do not possess it myself.
KAILAA--Clever man--er, cyborg, thing.
GRIEVOUS and KAILAA suddenly break out of the rainforest, standing before a cliff that has been turned into a Separatist base. Steel discs with windows built into the sides jut out of the rock, with a landing platform up at the top of the cliff. KAILAA gawks at it for a little bit, though GRIEVOUS only looks at it for a moment before continuing to a pair of blast doors set into the wall at the base of the cliff. Noticing he’s walking away, KAILAA jogs to catch up to him.
KAILAA--What planet did you say this was, again?
GRIEVOUS--Cholganna. Perfect for us, since our armies are made of metal. Nexus only want flesh.
KAILAA--Ooh, malicious wildlife! Lovely!
GRIEVOUS and KAILAA enter the blast doors into a technological base not at all implied by the feral exterior. KAILAA observes the droids working at consoles and patrolling with blasters, an eyebrow raised. But she shrugs and continues following GRIEVOUS into a corridor. At a motion from their general, some droids break from their previous positions and escort them.
KAILAA--Oh yeah, where are you taking me now?
GRIEVOUS--You’re REVAN’s daughter, correct? I think I know a way for you to get back to your time. Or at least find a new start in this alien world.
KAILAA--Why do I feel like you’re talking about yourself?
GRIEVOUS doesn’t answer, but speeds up slightly, narrowing his eyes. KAILAA smirks slightly, though her eyes aren’t as mean as her expression. She follows him into another room with a large holoprojector dominating the center. Keying in a call on a few buttons, GRIEVOUS quickly retreats, bowing. KAILAA rolls her eyes at him, staying exactly where she is without showing any sign of respect. COUNT DOOKU appears as a towering, larger-than-life hologram, coolly regarding GRIEVOUS.
DOOKU--Yes, GENERAL? How goes the conflict on BESPIN?
GRIEVOUS--The colony was lost to the Republic, my lord. But--
DOOKU--But nothing, GENERAL. You cannot afford this many defeats at the hands of Jedi. I am disappointed in you.
KAILAA--Woah, woah, woah.
KAILAA steps forward in front of GRIEVOUS and looks up at DOOKU, brow furrowed.
KAILAA--You let this guy walk all over you? You kidding me?
DOOKU--...GENERAL, what is this?
KAILAA--What is this? You’ve got a sense of humor, I’ll give you that.
KAILAA--Take a seat, Hazmat. He may be able to shove you around, but if you’re trying to sell me off to this Sith, he’s got another one coming.
DOOKU--How did you..?
KAILAA--It’s written all over you. The look on your face, how you talk to a tank like GRIEVOUS, the fact that we were just scrapping with a flame-haired Jedi. You also have a lovely little lightsaber strapped to your waist. Don’t suppose that could mean anything, could it?
DOOKU--If you are aware that I am a Lord of the Sith, why do you not cower in fear?
KAILAA--And I thought the Jedi’s army was bad! It’s not even funny anymore.
DOOKU--What’s so funny?
DOOKU’s voice betrays more and more frustration, while GRIEVOUS begins to lose his hesitant reverence as KAILAA goes on. KAILAA suddenly turns serious, her eyes burning and her goofy smile hardening into displeasure. She fearlessly strides up to the holocron and plants her palms on it, making a loud clap that causes GRIEVOUS to startle a bit. DOOKU shrinks a little, but tries to hide it.
KAILAA--What’s funny is how everyone I’ve met so far thinks they’re strong enough, clever enough to put themselves above me in some way, shape or form. With the Jedi and his troops it was combat--with you, it’s an attempt at a master-apprentice relationship. I didn’t get shot thousands of years into the future, impossibly far from everything I knew and loved, to be downtrodden in whatever shenanigans the galaxy has gotten itself into.
DOOKU--And what makes you think you’re so special, little girl? Do you believe that I’ll respect you out of pity for your situation?
KAILAA--No, I believe that if you don’t respect me, I will destroy you as painfully and completely as possible.
DOOKU--That’s tough talk for a little lost girl with no power in this world.
KAILAA--Not for a daughter of DARTH REVAN, it’s not.
DOOKU’s eyes widen, and he shuffles uncomfortably. KAILAA smirks maliciously and wags a finger at DOOKU.
KAILAA--Ha! Gotcha, didn’t I? But it doesn’t matter who my parents are, anyways. Compared to you, I have more backbone and confidence than you will ever have, and I haven’t even calculated our relative power in the Force. Yet that little bit of information makes everybody flinch. It’s because my dad was great, and the next generation tends to outdo the previous one.
DOOKU--Well, you certainly have audacity, but you would think differently of yourself if we met in person!
KAILAA--Prove it, old man. Duel me tonight, right at this very base. You must have the coordinates if you’re the big kahuna to these droids and almost-droids. Come at me, bro.
DOOKU--Agreed. I hope you know what you have gotten yourself into.
DOOKU, his face contorted with one part fear and four parts outrage, vanishes, and GRIEVOUS comes up next to KAILAA, three parts horror, one part anger. KAILAA lazily regards him, barely reacting as they stride out of the room and down a steel hallway.
GRIEVOUS--KAILAA, what have you done? DOOKU is the best lightsaber fighter in the galaxy! And being a Sith, he’s bound to play dirty. You’ll get yourself killed!
KAILAA--My dear general, I’d bet you control of the entire droid army that I’ll not only survive, but shame your precious COUNT. Good thing I don’t care for droids. Except for HK-47. He was even more violent than you.
GRIEVOUS--That’s a bet you’d lose.
KAILAA--Funny, my mom said that when--oh, nevermind. Don’t let me go off on all my old stories, I’ll ramble until all the stars in the galaxy go out.
INTERIOR: JEDI ARCHIVES
KENOBI sits at a computer console, dark circles under his eyes. Most of the lights have been dimmed, and he is alone. ANAKIN walks past, yawning, but stops by KENOBI, who doesn’t stop poring over whatever he’s reading.
ANAKIN--I never thought I’d say this to you, but you’ll rot your eyes out if you don’t peel yourself from that screen.
KENOBI--ANAKIN, this is more than a child’s game. You and I both know this is serious, serious enough to risk my ocular health.
ANAKIN--Pretty soon you’re not going to be able to read those words. They’re gonna swim before your eyes, because your eyes will be melting right out of your skull.
KENOBI--Okay, mother, I’ll shut it down after I finish scanning this article.
KENOBI--Promise. I don’t have that much left.
ANAKIN--All right, but if it were up to me I wouldn’t be wasting my time in the archives. I’d get up and do something.
ANAKIN walks away, but after a moment KENOBI’s eyes stop reading and he looks down at the edge of the screen. A new resolve kindles in his eyes, and he shuts the device down and follows ANAKIN, calling after him and speeding to his side. ANAKIN smirks, while KENOBI rolls his eyes with a smile.
ANAKIN--There you are. I was worried about your mental health, too, you know.
KENOBI--Ha ha. But you’re right. I have a feeling I won’t get anything about GRIEVOUS’s companion digging through endless reports and biographies about DARTH REVAN.
ANAKIN--But how are you going to find her?
KENOBI--Well, she did steal my ship. If we know its signature, we can contact it via comm and then we’ll have its coordinates. I assume you’re tech savvy enough to figure it out.
ANAKIN--Why do I feel like our roles were reversed just then?
KENOBI--I felt that, too. It’s unnerving. Can we switch back again?
It’d be my pleasure, Master Anakin.
KENOBI--Very well, Obi-Wan.
EXT: SEPARATIST CHOLGANNA BASE
A sliver of moon hangs in a velvet sky, accompanied by splatters of stars here and there. We pan down through the rainforest canopy in the distance so that GRIEVOUS, KAILAA, and several DROIDS are now in the shot. We’re up on the landing pad above the base, with several bright lights cutting swaths of off-white up into space. DOOKU’s solar sailer comes down out of the night sky and touches down on the landing pad. KAILAA’s eyes betray no fear whatsoever, and she’s casually leaning on one leg, arms folded. GRIEVOUS seems apprehensive, as if fearing for both DOOKU and KAILAA. DOOKU strides off the landing pad, flanked by two magnaguards, and KAILAA and GRIEVOUS leave their escort of droids to meet him at the pad’s edge.
DOOKU--So this is the daughter of the almighty REVAN...you’re shorter than I expected.
KAILAA--I get that a lot. I’d retort with something, but I’ll save my nastier burns for when I’ve physically scorched you. If you prove to be worth it.
DOOKU and KAILAA back away from each other, and the droids fall back at GRIEVOUS’ command. KAILAA leans over to GRIEVOUS and mutters to him out of the corner of her mouth,
KAILAA--Hey, can I borrow a lightsaber?
GRIEVOUS--You don’t have one?
KAILAA--No, that’s how I got into this mess in the first place.
KAILAA--C’mon, I got a duel to fight here! You have four perfectly good ones right there in your cape! It won’t kill you to rent one!
GRIEVOUS reluctantly takes a saber from his cape and hands it to KAILAA, who immediately activates it vertically. She gazes into the green blade for what feels like an eternity, before letting her saber arm lazily drop to her side.
KAILAA--Well, let’s get this over with. I have better things to do than dice you, despite having no life.
INT: REPUBLIC CRUISER HANGAR BAY
KENOBI is sitting in the pilot seat of ANAKIN’s yellow starfighter, fiddling with controls until an image of a planet pulls up. It’s covered with mottled shades of dark green, with clouds streaked across it in places.
KENOBI--ANAKIN! I think I’ve found something!
ANAKIN--What is it, Master?
ANAKIN scoots himself out from under his fighter, getting up and coming up next to KENOBI to see what he’s found.
KENOBI--Looks like Cholganna. My fighter’s on the northwestern hemisphere.
ANAKIN--But that’s on the Outer Rim. Why would they have a base there? The place is swarming with jungle creatures.
KENOBI--Perhaps there’s something there we don’t know about. Anyway, that’s where GRIEVOUS and his little friend are, so we might as well go and attempt capture.
ANAKIN--I thought you’d never say it.
KENOBI hops into the back seat, while ANAKIN takes the pilot. They lift off and clear the hangar, shortly before using a boost ring to jump to hyperspace.
DOOKU rushes at KAILAA with surprising speed, considering his age. She parries, a feral light kindling in her eyes. Their blades burn against each other as they struggle, but KAILAA holds her own, even shoves him away. She comes at him again, feinting to the left one moment and recklessly hacking at him the next. Her style changes erratically and unpredictably, throwing DOOKU off. He actually seems to be losing, and the look in his eyes makes it clear he doesn’t like that. But he uses the force to push her away, and the magnaguards fall on her. Her eyes briefly betray fear, but it dissipates into outrage. After they whirl their staffs in front of them to show off, she uses the force to thrust one’s staff into the gut of the other, electrocuting it to death. The remaining one crumples in time with KAILAA’s clenching fist, leaving DOOKU exposed. His eyes are wide with terror as KAILAA advances painfully slowly. But just as she has him backed up to his solar sailer, she freezes, her eyes narrowing. She turns around to see a lone, triangular starfighter swoop through the sky, though it’s hard to tell what color it is in the night. We cut to a shot of ANAKIN piloting it, KENOBI in the back.
ANAKIN--Hey, Master, is that the girl you’re looking for?
KENOBI--Sure is. Looks like she isn’t getting along with COUNT DOOKU, though.
ANAKIN--We’d better interfere before somebody gets the wrong end of a lightsaber.
KENOBI--Isn’t that what we do best?
While KAILAA is distracted by the starfighter, DOOKU raises his hands, arcing his fingers.
KAILAA whirls just in time for DOOKU to electrocute her. Crying out in anguish, she crumples, writhing and moaning. GRIEVOUS’s panicked gaze darts between Dooku and Kailaa, as if trying to choose between the two. The look in Dooku’s eyes is hot vengeance, bordering on mindless rage. He grins savagely, but GRIEVOUS barrels into him, knocking him away from a steaming KAILAA. DOOKU whirls on GRIEVOUS, furious with the termination of his fun.
DOOKU--What is the meaning of this!?
GRIEVOUS--We have bigger problems.
ANAKIN and KENOBI have parked their fighter a ways away and are closing at an alarming pace, cutting down any droids they pass. DOOKU is quickly sobered by the approaching foes.
DOOKU--So it would seem. If they haven’t seen it already, they cannot learn of our base, so why don’t we--
DOOKU suddenly is thrust backwards towards the Jedi by an unseen force.
KAILAA has used a powerful force push on DOOKU. Grinning devilishly, she gets to her feet, dusting herself off. DOOKU has engaged in fierce lightsaber combat with ANAKIN and KENOBI, apparently holding his own. GRIEVOUS, seeing the fight, folds his arms and glares down at KAILAA. Their eyes meet, and her grin vanishes into an innocent look. But it melts, and she pouts.
KAILAA--Oh, all right, I’ll help him.
KAILAA, raising her hands as if operating the strings of a puppet, goes to work. DOOKU suddenly lurches back from them, his lightsaber flying out of his hand and into the grasp of ANAKIN. The Jedi give chase, and DOOKU stops in midair and winces as if he just smacked into an invisible wall. He crumples, and ANAKIN and KENOBI close in on him.
KAILAA--You know, that’s the third time in a row you’ve said that.
KAILAA--Relax, Hazmat. He’ll get out alive, but not before I have some fun with ‘em!
GRIEVOUS--DOOKU or the Jedi?
Just as ANAKIN is about to deliver the killing blow, DOOKU abruptly vanishes. The Jedi both hesitate, ANAKIN furrowing his brow and glaring at the spot where DOOKU disappeared, KENOBI cautiously glancing around them.
ANAKIN--Where’d he go!?
KENOBI--I don’t know, but something tells me we’re against something greater than the Sith Lord we’re familiar with.
An animal shriek sounds far off in the forest, causing the Jedi to jump. The landing pad lights flicker off, leaving them with only their lightsabers and the night sky to light the darkness. Beginning since DOOKU and KAILAAs’ fight, a low mist has developed, causing the lightsabers to play weird tricks of light. Another howl sounds, much closer to the Jedi. KAILAA laughs evilly, though we have no idea where she is in the black, suffocating night.
KAILAA--Oh, look. The ginger brought a friend. What, is he your bodyguard because you can’t fight your way out of a paper bag?
ANAKIN--Show yourself, coward!
KAILAA--Ooh, and he’s feisty, too! Lovely. In answer to your question, hothead, I’m in plain sight. You just can’t see in the dark.
KENOBI--Our patience is wearing thin, little girl. You’d better face us, or when we do find you we shall show no mercy.
KAILAA--Them’s fightin’ words! Challenge accepted, Ginger. You’ll see me...and you’ll see my fangs!
Out of the dark pounces a NEXU, yowling as it bares row upon row of needle-like teeth, bearing down on ANAKIN. It knocks him down, and with a bat of its taloned paw knocks DOOKU’s lightsaber out of his hand. When the Jedi tries to get the animal with his own lightsaber, it clamps its jaws onto his mechanical hand and rips it off at the wrist. ANAKIN cries out in pain, while KENOBI uses a force push to send the NEXU back into the dark. ANAKIN stumbles to his feet, cradling what remains of his mechanical hand and growling curses under his breath. KENOBI comes up next to him, though he doesn’t dare douse his saber, now their only source of light. He puts his hand on ANAKIN’s shoulder.
ANAKIN--Ooh, I’ll burn that sleemo alive if it’s the last thing I do!
KENOBI--Calm yourself, ANAKIN. That’s how she gets at you. When I first faced her, she stoked me into a rage, and that’s how she and GRIEVOUS got away. You must be careful.
ANAKIN--I’ll try, Master...but I’d better get my lightsaber back.
KAILAA--That all depends on your performance, Jedi.
The NEXU returns, prowling at the edge of the lightsaber’s light. KENOBI holds the weapon out as far as possible, but even so, one can just barely make out the form of the cat.
KAILAA--That’s what cats do, you know. They toy with their prey because they know that they can’t possibly lose.
ANAKIN--You wanna bet, you sniveling rancor-spawn?
KAILAA--I hardly think that term is befitting for me!
As KAILAA says this last line, the NEXU snarls and ventures slightly closer into the light, its tail lashing out to catch ANAKIN on the cheek like a whip. ANAKIN recoils, gently touching the two red cuts that have appeared on his face. He steps forward as if about to pounce on the NEXU, but KENOBI puts an arm in front of him.
KENOBI--We don’t want to fight you! Maybe we can be allies! Who are you?
The NEXU pauses, lifting and cocking its head, looking curiously at KENOBI. Its tail stops swishing back and forth, and its mane of quills lies flat.
KAILAA--So that’s what you want to know? Very well. I’ll tell you who I am.
Murder is in the cat’s eyes once more, and it begins to prowl forward, a growl rising in its throat. Muscles ripple under its striped fur, and the spines on its withers stick straight up, each sharp enough to split a hair. KENOBI and even ANAKIN back up.
KAILAA--I am the White Sith, the Black Jedi, the One Who Sees the Force As It Is. I am the Gray Prophet, a diviner of chaos and clarity. I am life, death, and everywhere in between, and I only have tolerance for those who deserve to exist in this world. I am REVAN’s Avenger, and all shall see me and despair!
As her speech concludes, the NEXU throws its head back and screams. KENOBI and ANAKIN flinch, covering their ears at the gritty sound. The mist contorts wildly into horrific shapes of personal nightmares of ANAKIN and KENOBI. The Jedi collapse onto their knees, holding their heads in agony at KAILAA’s mental assault. KENOBI drops the lightsaber, and it goes out, lying in the dirt. All is still and quiet, except for the Jedis’ heavy breathing. The mist dissipates abruptly, revealing that the Jedi have somehow wound up next to their ride. They find KAILAA crouching only a meter or two away, petting the NEXU that was just harassing the Jedi. The animal is purring and rubbing its head against her hand, while she fusses over it and calls it things like ‘fuzzy friend,’ ‘big kitty,’ etc. ANAKIN and KENOBI dumbly get up, watching her warily. She gets to her feet, folds her arms, and smiles sincerely, sighing a little bit.
KAILAA--Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? For me, at least. Go now, Jedi. Do what you can to help what’s left of the Republic and the Jedi Order by now...but it won’t be much, I’ll tell you that. Farewell!
ANAKIN--You expect us to just leave?
KAILAA’s gaze hardens, and the NEXU stiffens, growling. KENOBI is in the back seat of the fighter already, starting up the engines.
KENOBI--Come on, ANAKIN. We should go.
ANAKIN--Rrgh...fine. But not until I get my lightsaber back.
KAILAA tosses a chewed lightsaber over to ANAKIN, who catches it in his remaining hand. It sparks slightly when he catches it, and he glares up at KAILAA.
KAILAA--Yeeeah, sorry about that. MANSLAUGHTER likes the taste of metal. It’s the one thing that won’t yield under her jaws.
ANAKIN--Son of a Gundark.
KAILAA--Oh, you mean like your mom?
KENOBI--Not now, ANAKIN. Come on.
ANAKIN scowls at KAILAA, who sticks her tongue out at him. But he force-jumps up into the cockpit and flies away. KAILAA watches it go with a smirk and evil light in her eye, absently scratching MANSLAUGHTER’s ears. She begins to walk back to the landing pad, whose lights flicker on when she steps onto it. GENERAL GRIEVOUS walks up to her, though he doesn’t flinch at the sight of MANSLAUGHTER obediently trotting on her other side.
GRIEVOUS--I see you’ve made a friend.
KAILAA--Yup. Hazmat, meet MANSLAUGHTER. MANSLAUGHTER, Hazmat.
GRIEVOUS--I trust that nexu helped you when you were ‘playing’ with the Jedi?
KAILAA--Oh yeah. Loves me to bits, obedient to the letter, and isn’t afraid of lightsabers. Isn’t she great?
GRIEVOUS--I’m just glad she can’t eat me.
KAILAA--Oh, that too.
GRIEVOUS--Well, DOOKU made it out alive, but now they know we have a base out here. Guess we’d better evacuate, destroy as much evidence as we can.
KAILAA--Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that, my dear general. If my dad’s taught me anything, Jedi have a knack for...amnesia.
KAILAA smiles evilly, standing at the edge of the cliff and gazing out over the rainforest. GRIEVOUS shrugs, then gently kicks MANSLAUGHTER off when she begins gnawing on his shin.
INT: JEDI COUNCIL ROOM
KENOBI and ANAKIN are in the center of the room, where YODA, KIT FISTO, and MACE WINDU sit around them, FISTO and WINDU in hologram form.
WINDU--So you’re back. Did you discover what she had to do with DARTH REVAN?
There is an uncomfortable silence, and ANAKIN looks confused, as if he doesn’t understand what he just said. KENOBI looks the same way, touching the side of his forehead with his hand.
KENOBI--No, I know her. I think. We landed on...um...I can’t seem to remember.
KENOBI looks severely disturbed by this, looking at YODA as if for help. ANAKIN’s eyes widen.
YODA--Remember what the planet looked like, you do not?
ANAKIN--I think there was..some kind of..Agh!
ANAKIN suddenly holds his head and winces, like he did during KAILAA’s mental attack. KENOBI feels it too, as if he tried to remember as well.
KENOBI--Ow...what was that?
WINDU--Maybe we should get you to a medic.
ANAKIN--No, I’m fine. We’re both fine, it’s just that--
FISTO--That doesn’t look fine to me.
FISTO points to ANAKIN’s ripped off hand, drawing WINDU and ANAKINs’ boggle-eyed attention. YODA looks up at the two Jedi in the center, especially at ANAKIN inspecting his hand in wonder.
ANAKIN--When did that happen?
YODA--A puzzle, this is, but for now, get yourselves treated, you must. A trick of the dark side, I fear this is.
ANAKIN and KENOBI nod, muttering ‘Yes Master’ as they do so. They turn and walk out, still looking uncomfortably confused at what just happened.