Rosencrantz Speaks | Teen Ink

Rosencrantz Speaks MAG

By Karla R., So, NJ

      Hamlet, do me a favor and just sit still for a couple seconds. I guess you never learned your lesson at Wittenberg. I mean they always made you sit in the corner and wear that dunce hat for fidgeting. Sorry, I always forget that you are sensitive about that.

Anyway, Hammy, I need to talk to you. Don’t make that face, I need you to listen for once. I’m supposed to make sure you don’t go jump off a cliff, but how come no one follows me to check up on me? Right, because I’m not a psychopath who talks to himself in the corners of an enormous castle. I don’t understand you; you are the prince of Denmark, and you act like the son of the maid.

Do you want to know something else, Hamstring? You never do anything decisively. You need to think about every possibility a million times over before making a move. That’s why things escape so easily from you. Do you remember that girl from school? What was her name ... Roselyn? You better remember her because I surely do. I recall your feeble attempt to court her. It was hilarious! Looking at the ground you would ask her, “Wh-wh-where is the bathroom?” And she would reply, “The same place where it was yesterday, right behind you.” There’s something I have to tell you Ham-omelet - I might have had a thing with Roselyn. She was irresistible. I had a lot of fun with her a couple of nights, but of course, she could not find out I was connected to you or else she would think I was like you. Occasionally, she would mention a strange lad who crashed into things trying to follow her around. I knew that was you. Honey Ham, you are too slow with the girls, and with everything else, I might add.

Your mother actually thinks you studied at Wittenberg! Poor queen, if she knew that you only made it through because Guildenstern and I did all the work for you. Your philosophical ventures are mere excuses for your permanent state of laziness! If it weren’t for us, you would not have passed. By the way, you never did thank us.

Ham-cake, you really need to live a little. You are uptight and you let opportunities pass by. Not to rub it in, but I know you have a thing with that cutie, Ophelia. Take it easy. Fine, I won’t call her a cutie, but sit still because I’m not finished. When I arrived here at Elsinore, she was complaining about you constantly - how you are strange and fickle with her, and have constant mood swings. You do not know how to treat a lady, but don’t worry about Ophelia. Don’t get hysterical, it’s nothing serious. Besides, she’s crazy about you, literally. I’m setting her straight for you, you know, with a little more experience. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her. Really, what would you do without me?

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This article has 43 comments.

Redella SILVER said...
on May. 31 2013 at 11:22 am
Redella SILVER, Grand Rapids, Michigan
6 articles 0 photos 4 comments
Wow, an impressive piece! I like how you're talking to the character in the fashion.

on Dec. 9 2012 at 2:29 am
Elizabeth-of-rohan PLATINUM, Abbeville, Louisiana
35 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
Pain is stronger than life, stronger than death, love, loyalty, duty.
~Essad Bey

"you are tired (i think) of the puzzle of living and doing; and so am i. come with me, then, and we’ll leave it far and far away—" - e.e. cummings

This was quite amusing, and well written.

alicia123L said...
on Dec. 7 2012 at 12:26 pm
alicia123L, Oskosh, Wisconsin
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
never give up just try harder

thats really amzing totally love it post more about this i'm excited to read more than what i know so far  

on Jul. 7 2012 at 10:05 am
Adi-heid BRONZE, Triangle, Virginia
1 article 3 photos 56 comments

Favorite Quote:
Fiction reveals truths that reality obscures.
Jessamyn West

I love this soo much! I agree with Katie-jo, it's the best I've read so far!

Please comment and rate my article, Rita used to be Steve! Thanks!

Again, this is the best!!

Katie-jo said...
on May. 29 2012 at 11:57 am
Katie-jo, Triangle, Virginia
0 articles 0 photos 61 comments
This is the best article I have ever read! Anywhere, on Teenink, in magazines, it's the best! The. Best. Ever. You are truly amazing!

on Jan. 14 2012 at 9:50 pm
AEAluvsanimals SILVER, Yorba Linda, California
6 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All creatures bleed the same blood. He who spills the blood of any of god's creatures, he spills the blood of man." - Private Journals , Landerath
Dragon's Milk.
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."- Dumbledore
Harry Potter 1

The voice/nicknames are the best thing about this. aValid on his indescision, although this is an unfortunate side effect of his intelligence. And if you find out what the exchange at the Mousetrap between him and Ophelia actually ment, I bet yourposition will change on how savvy he was with the ladies. not to mention the doubt thou the stars are fire poem. Hamlet is very smooth, and I've gotno Idea why most people seem to hate him

on Nov. 11 2011 at 5:37 pm
bookthief PLATINUM, Concord, Massachusetts
20 articles 0 photos 58 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." -- John W. Gardener

This is really enjoyable. I don't know if you've seen the play Rosencranz and Guildenstern are Dead, but it strikes me that you might enjoy it.

on Jul. 22 2011 at 6:21 pm
Terminal_Laziness PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

Great job! very funny! I just posted a couple of stories. just click my user name and click one of the stories. :)(: Thanks!!!

Steph0804 said...
on Jul. 19 2011 at 12:05 am
If you've read Hamlet, you'll know that Rosencratz was his traitor friend.

on May. 19 2011 at 6:35 pm
Nerdygal19 BRONZE, Aurora, Illinois
4 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Move on. It's just a chapter in the past. But don't close the book, just turn the page."

Haha! That was great! Very comical too!

on May. 5 2011 at 2:21 pm
wasauskyx BRONZE, New Haven, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am not afraid to speak my mind. I am honest, but when I do speak my mind, I get ignored.

Hello! I love this article. I haven't read Hamlet but it sounds great. You know what made me want to read your story? My name's also Karla and my lastname's with an R, weird, huh? Anyway, congrats on getting published and being such a great author.

on May. 15 2010 at 4:36 pm
Modrockerhippie. BRONZE, Bayside, New York
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"So ya, thought ya, might like to go to the show, to feel the warm thrill of confusion, that space cadet glow. Tell me, is something eluding you sunshine? Is this not what you expected to see? If you want to find out, what's behind these cold eyes..."

Yeah, you know, it reminded me of the same...

on May. 15 2010 at 4:34 pm
Modrockerhippie. BRONZE, Bayside, New York
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"So ya, thought ya, might like to go to the show, to feel the warm thrill of confusion, that space cadet glow. Tell me, is something eluding you sunshine? Is this not what you expected to see? If you want to find out, what's behind these cold eyes..."

Haha, excellent. Hamlet was one of my favorites, and you presented a pretty accurate view from Rosencrantz's POV. The nicknames for Hamlet were especially good.

MaeFlower said...
on Apr. 10 2010 at 8:39 am
MaeFlower, Aurora, Colorado
0 articles 0 photos 27 comments
Eh.. iTrumpet42 and NO, Have you ever read/seen/at least know the outline of Hamlet.  It will confuse you if you haven't...

JeanGrey GOLD said...
on Mar. 10 2010 at 3:20 pm
JeanGrey GOLD, Mason City, Iowa
10 articles 0 photos 258 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."-Oscar Wilde

Nice! Good work :) and funny too

on Mar. 2 2010 at 5:06 pm
DallysGrrl PLATINUM, Middlesex, New Jersey
20 articles 0 photos 199 comments
I luv Hamlet n i thought this was a very funnny and imaginative interpretaion of Rosencrantz. In the play hes a minor character, but i luv how u use his voice 2 make him a major character. haha, i LUV the nicknames. Funny funny. Well, good job, and mayB check out some of my work. GREAT JOB.

on Dec. 5 2009 at 5:21 pm
teenwrite123 BRONZE, New York, New York
2 articles 0 photos 44 comments
I love this. In a way it reminds me of Ketcher in the Rye By J.D.Salinger.

Inkling BRONZE said...
on Dec. 3 2009 at 8:42 pm
Inkling BRONZE, Cape Coral, Florida
4 articles 0 photos 20 comments
This was very creative! I love that you gave Rosencrantz a character of his own though I doubt he would ever speak to the Prince of Denmark like that if he wanted to keep his head (whoops! too late! :P) Awesome job!

on Oct. 22 2009 at 6:26 pm
smalltownwrite210, Apex, North Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 19 comments
i dont know about you guys but i thought it was hilarious. i love the nicknames for hamlet!

on Sep. 8 2009 at 3:48 pm
aprilfool6784 GOLD, Westfield, New Jersey
13 articles 0 photos 10 comments
i think it was funny and pretty cute!

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