New Moon

April 18, 2012
By Anonymous

My eyes flew open but it didn't erase the image of the woman clutching the rosary to her chest.
No, if anything, it made me remember it more.
How could the Volturi live with themselves?
Edward tucked a strand away from my face and whispered, "Are you okay?"
I flinched.
He was back...
I pushed him away as a reflex.
What was I doing? Hadn't I wanted him all these months? Hadn't I been crying and mourning over him the second he left me?
Maybe that was it.. He left me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
His expression was filled with hurt and confusion, "What do you mean? I thought you wanted me here? You-"
I shook my head, "I'm sorry Edward," my voice cracked. "I can't do this... not anymore. I guessed yesterday I was just relived we didn't die. I- I- I can't let myself be hurt anymore."
"Bella, about what happened. Let me explain," he said but stopped when I stood up from my bed. He stared at me perplexed before continuing carefully, "I, missed you horribly. I didn't meant what I said.. about how I didn't love you. Bella, I'm a great lier, I had to be. I had to be so you could believe me and let me go."
"A good lier," I echoed. "Of course."
"But you have to know I still love you, I want you back. I'll get on my knees right now and plead for you to get back with me. These long months have been painful and all I want is you."
The pain in my chest returned and a knot build up in my throat, "Its been just as painful for me."
He walked to me and leaned in closer until his lips were just centimeters away, "Do you forgive me?"
I sucked in my breath and whispered with closed eyes, "Of course."
Edwards cool breath seemed to get closer and I pushed him away again. "Bella?" he asked worriedly.
"I said I'd forgive you," I swallowed. "But I didn't say I want to get back together."
I opened my eyes again and saw his face was filled with pain.
"What you did... it wasn't your fault. You wanted to do what was best for me. I understand that but I don't think I want to be with someone who disregards my opinions. My feelings. Edward what you did, nearly killed me. Killed US. You didn't think of what I wanted... You hurt me, nearly enough to destroy me."
"Bella, believe me when I say, I love you with all my unbeaten heart, and I'll do anything you want me to do to prove I truly am sorry."
"That's just the thing Edward. Your an excellent lier. Lets face it, I'm a gullible girl. I don't want to be under your thumb all the time. I don't want to follow you around like a lost little puppy anymore. I was just getting better when you came along trying to kill yourself."
His expression broke my heart, it was in even more pain than when Jane attacked him.
"You've found someone else.." he whispered.
"No...Edward, I love you. I love you so much it hurts but you wanted me to forget about you. That's exactly what I plan to do. I'm not going to be the same sad little lost girl anymore."
He stared at me, expecting more, maybe a better explanation, or a confession.
"Edward, please, just go."
The four words broke him, he opened his mouth but nothing came out. His lower lip trembled a bit and then he disappeared.
My knees gave in and I collapsed on the floor. "No," I said slowly, I was going to be stronger.
This time it wasn't going to be for Renee or even Charlie.
It was for me.

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