Pain Is Now My BFF

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Chapter 1: Breaking Down

Hermione's P.O.V.

Right after we left Dumbledore's office, which was now McGonagal's, we went down to the Great Hall. George was sobbing into his forearms, which were resting on the table, while Mrs. Weasley had her arm around him. Ginny was at George's side but as soon as she saw us, she stood up and hurriedly wiped away her tears. She then locked eyes with Harry and said in a rather groggy voice, "Hello, where have you lot been?" she asked, although she was looking at Harry when she said it. "I'll tell you during our walk." Said Harry, offering her his arm.

Ginny lip quirked slightly and took it, then they walked off. Ron was already with Percy, who was crying into his shoulder. I felt incredibly awkward, and started to move on, but Mrs. Weasley stopped me. "Sit down and eat, dear. You're looking starved." She said, patting the spot next to her. Mr. Weasley was sitting across from her, crying and patting Bill's back. "Thank you Mrs. Weasley." I said, giving her a forced smile. As she loaded the food onto my plate, I suddenly realized how hungry I was. I concentrated on eating, and nothing else, as I found it hard to think about all of the events that had just taken place.

Mrs. Weasley was noticing my eating speed, and she heaped on more food. "That's right, we'll get you back to normal in no time." She said, smiling at me through her tears. "Thank you." I said, smiling at her for real this time. I was suddenly hit by a feeling of great respect for her; she had just lost one of her sons, and yet she was as capable of being motherly to everyone. "For what, dear?" she asked, looking a little stunned. "For caring." I said, simply. She teared up a little at that, but hugged me and bustled around a bit more.

After I had eaten my fill, I decided to go for a walk, and said goodbye to Mrs. Weasley. As I walked by, I saw Ron look up at me quickly, but the he looked down again. I walked a bit faster and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. When I left the great hall, I saw Harry and Ginny coming back with their hands intertwined. I felt the sudden need to be around Ron, but I pushed the feeling back into the recesses of my heart and pushed on. The moment I got outside I broke into sobs, and almost collapsed on the spot.

I gathered up all of my strength and walked up the tree by the lake. I found that the space was already occupied by Andromeda Tonks (whom I took to be Bellatrix for a moment) and Teddy. Andromeda looked a little startled to see me to, but motioned for me to sit. She had been crying too, but she had not bothered to wipe the tears away. "Hello." I said, and sat down next to her. "Hello." She said, but the baby distracted her, so she didn't look up again. "He looks so cute, doesn't he?" she asked, looking up after a while. I smiled and nodded. "Do you want to hold him? Everyone seems to, that's why we're out here in the first place." She said, and I couldn't resist.

"Yes, please." I said, and was given Teddy. He looked so cute, but all I could do was cry. He looked so much like Tonks and he had Remus's eyes, but they changed from moment to moment. He grabbed onto my finger and I smiled. Andromeda was smiling over my shoulder, and she let out a little laugh. I spent what seemed ages out there, talking with Andromeda and playing with Teddy. It was almost dark when Harry found us. "Hello, Mrs. Tonks." He said, when he had located us. "How is Teddy?" She smiled up at him, and said, "Come see for yourself."

He spent a little time there, playing with Teddy and talking with Andromeda, when he remembered something. "Oh, I almost forgot, Mrs. Weasley said that we're leaving after dinner." He said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Okay." I said, and then continued. "We'd better get inside then, dinner's almost over." Harry and I said our goodbye's and went inside.

"Where were you? Your food is getting cold." Said Mrs. Weasley, who had already served us our portions. "We met Mrs. Tonks by the lake." I said, calmly sitting down. "Teddy is growing up quickly." Said Harry, smiling at the thought of his Godson. Dinner was eaten quickly, than we were off to the burrow. The moment I set foot inside the Burrow, I couldn't stand the atmosphere. It was just so depressing I could hardly breath. It was almost like being in high altitudes. I made the excuse of going on a walk, and immediately left. I heard Mrs. Weasley protest, and a few others, but I was already running.

I hadn't even seen Ron, he had flooed before me and he had gone to bed immediately. I vaguely noted that it was raining like a flood was falling on my head, but it didn't really register. I just couldn't stop crying for long enough to really have a conversation, and I was trying to be strong for Mrs. Weasley. I couldn't even look Percy, George or Ron in the eye, and Mr. Weasley, Bill and Charlie were not much better. When I had left, Fleur had been trying to comfort Bill. I sobbed, all of this because of one person who felt lonely and dejected. Well, I thought, Voldemort can join the club.

I let out a dark laugh that quickly sputtered out and turned into a sob. I remembered the way Ron had looked at me when I had first left the Great hall; it was like his eyes had turned into dark pits in his head. I had now reached the lake and I threw myself to the ground while I curled up into a ball. I heard someone call for me, but I put a disillusionment charm on myself and told them to go away, because they were just wasting their time. "HERMIONE! COME OUT, WE KNOW YOU'RE THERE!" called out the voice of Harry. "NO I'M NOT!" I called, sobbing all the while.

"COME ON HERMIONE! WE KNOW YOU'RE THERE! ALL OF US ARE SAD, BUT GIVING YOURSELF PNEUMONIA IS NOT THE CORRECT WAY TO MOURN." Called out Ginny, and I could begin to see her through the dense rain. "NO!" I called out, just as stubbornly as before. Ginny had a shield over her had, and she called out, "HARRY, I THINK I'VE FOUND HER!" "NO SHE HASN'T!" I called out in the direction the Ginny had. Ginny laughed, and I heard Harry and another voice laugh too.

"COME ON, HERMIONE. I'M GETTING COLD AND I'M NOT GOING INSIDE UNTIL WE'VE FOUND YOU." Called out a voice that I knew only too well. It was Ron. "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU, I'M NOT GOING IN. I KNOW WHERE I'M NOT WANTED." I chocked out the last part and let out a sob. "OH, COME ON. IF HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT THAT YOU'RE WANTED BY NOW, YOU MUST BE TAKING THICK LESSONS FROM ME!" Ron shouted back, and I could tell that they were getting closer. " YOU MOURN HOW YOU MOURN, AND I'LL MOURN HOW I MOURN!" I said, then stood up and took a step forward. I could see Harry and Ginny very clearly, as they were now close and Ron was coming into view.

"Hermione," Ron said, now in a softer voice. "can you just come inside? Mum is worried sick." "Well, you can tell your mother that I'm fine, Ronald." I said, inching my way around them slowly. "I can't bloody well lie to my mother!" said Ron, his voice raising somewhat. Harry and Ginny were just looking at Ron nervously, then their eyes flitted to the place where I was standing. Bollox, they were probably figuring out the place where I was through my voice. "Well, than tell her that I am in Australia." I said, running to another spot afterwards. I moved just in time, because Ron snatched at the place where I had stood a moment before. "No, you'll tell her yourself that you're sorry for making her worry."

"How many times do I have to tell you? I am not going back in there!" I yelled, and dodged his grasp yet again. "Hermione, please." Beseeched Ron, looking for me with his eyes. As he was casting his gaze around, I saw the look in his eyes. It made me sob again it was so hopeless. He heard me and lunged, but I had already moved. "Why should I?" I asked, my voice cracking with pain. "Because you're cold, soaked to the bone and you're getting a cold, I can almost guarantee." Ron said, lunging for my voice a moment too late.

"I can live with those odds. They're far better than the other ones if I go back inside." I said, dodging him yet again. "How can they be worse? What are they?" asked Ron, clearly confused now. "Judge for yourself. I would be sorrowful, filled with pain and loneliness. But most of all? I couldn't cry in front of Mrs. Weasley, and that's all I seem to be able to do." I said, dodging him constantly. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot! The icing on top of this glorious cake is the feeling rejection." I said, laughing darkly and with no feeling.

Harry and Ginny were looking pained as they looked at the state of things around them. "Stop!" called out Harry, finally breaking the tense moment. "Just stop, okay! How is this honoring the people who died for us to live, Hermione? By dying when they have just given us a free life." "You're right Harry, I'm being stupid." I said, though I kept dodging Ron. "Yeah, and you're not going to stop by the looks of things." Said, Ron lunging for me again. I was sobbing now, and I curled up into a ball. Ron reached down and picked me up gently. I was under his rain shield, now and I took off the disillusionment charm.

I looked out from under my lashes to see Ron looking back at me lovingly, but with great depths of sorrow and regret. I was surprised at that, but I couldn't really do anything because I was so tired. I had my arms around Ron's neck, and he was really warm. He also smelled really good, just like he had in the love potion in 6th year. I buried my heard into his chest and started to fall asleep. I was vaguely aware of Ron talking in a concerned voice to Harry and Ginny, but I was in a feverish state. I heard a door open and someone that sounded a lot like Mrs. Weasley give a startled exclamation of, "Oh, no! She's as pale as death! We must get her some blankets! Ginny, start some tea."

I pushed myself out of Ron's arms, stood, and said, "I'm really fine! No need to worry, Mrs. Weasley." I could now see everyone in the room giving me a "Yeah right." look. "Really!" I almost yelled. "I'm fine, there's no need to make a big fuss." With that, I started towards my room, but I stumbled and I heard someone call out my name, but I had already fainted.





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