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R&H: Chapter 5
Chapter 5: Evil Harry Time
Ron gulped as Harry got a glint into his eye that meant the next few minutes would be painful, embarrassing, and/or life threatening. He felt the sudden urge to run away very, very fast. He shared an uneasy glance with Hermione and saw that that she looked just as nervous. Ginny just looked gleeful, and Ron suspected that she had helped Harry write his speech. In fact, half of the table looked pretty buggering pleased, and it gave Ron a really odd feeling. The kind of feeling you get while being lead to the chopping block, he supposed.
"Ladies and Gentelmen, may I have your attention please!" Harry started, and everyone stopped talking. harry just had that effect on people.
"I have known both Ron and Hermione from my first year at Hogwarts. Ron and I were even best friends before the train stopped. It took defeating a mountain troll for us to warm up to Hermione, but no big deal." Harry grinned as everyone else laughed. "Things were a bit frosty at first, but we warmed up to each other eventually. Well, Ron and Hermione still fought like cats and dogs, but it was just to let out the sexual tension." There was not a single person in the tent that wasn't laughing now, and Harry stopped for a bit.
"Shove off, Harry. You know you were oblivious to Ginny for five whole years." Ron said, rolling his eyes at his supposed 'best friend'. Harry just grinned, winked at Ginny (who winked right back), and continued on merrily.
"Second year wasn't much different, except that Ron sort of went loopy when Hermione was petrified." Harry said, and had to stop yet again because now everyone was 'aww-ing'. Ron felt his cheeks heat up and he tugged at his collar nervously.
"During half of third year they had a blazing row about every few minutes about either Scabbers and Crookshanks, my Firebolt, or other such nonsense. I swear, they were like a married couple already." Harry said, shaking his head. He got everyone to laugh at his stupid joke. Again. Stupid git.
"Fourth year was REALLY interesting, seeing as Hermione was jealous whenever Ron went all moony-eyed over the veelas at the World Cup, and Ron was seething whenever Krum was even mentioned. Did I mention the fights?" Harry said, eliciting laughs yet again. I take it back, he's been elevated to git of the century.
"Fifth year Ron got jealous and started fights every time Hermione was writing a long letter, because he immediately assumed it was Krum, and Hermione gives him a good-luck kiss before a quidditch match." Ron prayed that Harry would not think mention his Christmas present to Hermione. "And then, of course, was the perfume he got her for Christmas." Ron now looked like an over-ripe tomato. Hermione, who was notably grinning, nudged him. Ron rolled his eyes, and anyone but Hermione would have missed his lip twitch.
"Then sixth year came around, and here's where it gets REALLY good. After Hermione asks Ron to Slughorn's Christmas party, he goes and hooks up with Lavender Brown. During the time that Ron dated Brown, Hermione gave him a truly superb silent treatment." Ron winced as Harry recounted the last bit, still remembering the birds.
"You forgot the birds, Harry! How could you forget the birds?" Ron asked, making Hermione laugh so hard she fell off her chair. Hermione quickly sat up again, and cleared her throat nervously.
"Ah yes, and she set conjured birds on him. Happy now, Ron?" Harry asked, and Ron rolled his eyes while nodding.
"We skipped seventh year, as you all know unless you've been hiding under a rock, and that's when things got really interesting to watch. After dodging around their feelings along with Death Eaters, Snachers, and Voldemort, Hermione got fed up with it all, I suppose, and jumped him. I would say that it successfully ended Ron being oblivious, but I can't really tell." Harry said, and Ron gave him a rather rude hand gesture. Hermione gave him a big wallop upside the head, though, as everyone nearly died laughing.
"And that, everyone, is the saga of my best friends Ron and Hermione." Harry finished, and (though he rolled his eyes) Ron gave him a bog manly hug before he sat down.
"Done making fun of me now? Mum wants pictures." Ron said, and Harry nodded (albeit a mite reluctantly).