Daily Prophet: The Muggles are Onto Us

March 29, 2012
Since the defeat of Lord Voldemort in 1997, the Ministry of Magic has been working tenfold to mitigate damage due to a leak to the muggle (non-magical) world. Madame Rowling wrote a series of seven books (later turned into eight movies) which fully detailed the magical world, the creatures, and the tale of none other than the famed Harry Potter and his battles against the magical forces of evil. The Ministry has released statements to the non-magical community that this is all a fantastical bunch of nonsense, and ought to be regarded as such.

Due to the lack of recording magical births under Lord Voldemort (those born between 1994 and 1997), we are in the final stages of finding all the muggle-born witches and wizards who were born under this time, and were not able to be contacted immediately upon their eleventh birthday, the time at which one would usually be accepted into Wizarding Schools, such as Hogwarts. One sixteen year old who had read the series and watched the movies said,
“I knew it couldn’t have all been fiction! I just knew it. I didn’t know I was a wizard, but I am very excited.” This boy seemed to know everything there was about magic and the tales of Mr. Potter, so much so he has been dubbed “Hermione the second,” after the insufferable know-it-all, who ended up aiding in the saving of the magical world. We are pleased to announce, he is attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and has been sorted into Ravenclaw House (the house known for intelligent and open minded pupils) We are yet to watch the movies, but in an interview with another young muggle-born, she spoke of the influence the characters had on her life,
“Well, I think Luna would be my best friend, because she’s really strange, and so am .I also love the lessons that the characters teach you. Luna gave me the sense of fearlessness that allows me to talk to you without fear that I will be judged. Sirius Black taught me that it was a great honor to love, and to defend the causes you care for. After watching the last movie, where Dumbledore claims that ‘words are our most inexorable form of magic’ it really became a passion of mine to become a writer, so that I, too, could have a piece of magic. I thought what Ms. Rowling wrote was all fiction, but it is so amazing to know that it is real, and I will need to reevaluate everything I know and love.” This young witch showed us a secret world of the lovers of the Harry Potter world, self proclaimed “Potterheads” or “The Harry Potter Generation”, which is an internet (a popular mode muggles use to communicate with one another) based program where they communicate through interactive text, images, videos, games, etc. This network of faux witches and wizards seem to be quite the strange bunch, and they are quite convinced not that the wizarding world is real, but that they are part of it. Acclaimed witch, Luna Lovegood was asked to comment on the matter,
“Why, they are just as sane as I am!” she proclaimed jubilantly at this news, overjoyed that muggles could have a taste of our world.

The Ministry of Magic, however, is less pleased about this leak to the muggle world. This is a serious violation of the International Statute of Wizard Secrecy of 1689. Madam Rowling is on trial for infractions, and faces punishment, as deemed appropriate by the jury.

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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

HayBale said...
Apr. 6, 2012 at 3:46 pm
I love this so much! Harry Potter is a very large part of my life, so this one really made me smile!
MiniA said...
Apr. 6, 2012 at 1:46 pm
being a Potterhead I must say that was unspired!
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