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The Twilight Saga: In a Nutsehll
BS: It rains a lot. I hate it. But it's better than warm, sunny Arizona, which I hate too, since I hate everything.
(Walks into school)
BS: OMG! People like me! Oh, this sucks. Ugh.
BS: And WHO is that DROP dead gorgeous fox?! Hm. He wants me.
EC: Heyy Bella. Wanna come to my crypt-I-mean-house tonight?
BS drives to his house.
BS: That boy is cuuuute!!! I think I love him.
BS knocks on door, EC answers.
EC: Hey Bella.
BS: Hey Eddie. I think I love you.
EC: Go away.
JB sadly stalks away.
EC (lying sexily on meadow ground): Soo…
BS: Omgee. I don't think I can live without you.
EC: Don't worry! I know CPR! Just watch the fangs.
JB bursts in dramatically.
JB: Make one more move towards her and I'll-I'll- Um… Well… OH! I'll call your mom!
EC growls. JB growls. EC growls. JB turns into a dog. EC turns into a bat.
BS: Edward, nooooo…!
EC: Bella! Are you okay??
BS: Yeah, I just like seeming dramatic. It makes me come across as more appealing.
EC and JB: Mmmm-hmmm. (Glare)
EC: Look at the time! Gotta go. Oh yeah, and Bella? I don't love you anymore.
BS starts sobbing.
EC: Don't worry! Here- have a puppy! (Throws JB to BS)
JB nods suggestively: Hey there pretty lady.
BS tosses her hair, rolls her eyes, and pouts.
EC: Hey Bella! Guess what! I love you again!
BS squeals. Yayyy! I always knew it in my heart!!
JB: But what about me?!
BS to EC: Needy.
EC and BS roll eyes together.
JB: No! I'll never love again! Bella, it's over.
BS: Noooo! Eh, actually I don't really care.
EC to BS: Oh goodness! It appears as if a whole bunch of vampires want to kill you!
JB: We fight! (Stands in a dramatic pose with a butter knife pointing forwards)
EC: Good luck, kitten.
JB, with attitude: Um, its dog to you, glitter-boy.
EC scoffs and rolls eyes.
A bunch of vampires charge.
JB: Hey, that was my line!
EC: Bella, let's get hitched!
BS: Sure, but you have to tell my MOTHER!!!!
Gasps, shocked silence, horror movie sounds, etc.
BS: Wow! I feel so pretty!
EC: Eh, you look alright, thanks to a little plastic surgery and 10 sets of fake eyelashes.
(Make sure to be waaaay overkill on the makeup, so that’s she looks like her eyes have hair growing out of them.)
Suddenly, they're on a beach.
BS: How pretty! Wow, I'm in the most gorgeous place in the world, but Edward, I only wanna look at you!
EC looking in mirror, checking himself out.
EC: I know, right?
Walk inside house and see big bed.
BS: Do you know what I'm thinking?
Wiggles eyebrows suggestively.
EC: I think I do…
BS and EC: PILLOW FIGHT!!
Back to Forks
JB: Hi. I'm depressed.
His pack: We know…. *sigh*
BS and EC are back in Forks. BS is very round.
BS: Omigosh!! I'm pregnant!
EC turns into a rock.
BS: Eddie darling? Did you hear that? OWWW!!! It's comingggg!!!
Baby comes out.
BS: Omigosh, I love her!!
(From now on, every time baby is shown, it must be a different doll and bigger.)
EC bites her. Sorry, I couldn't resist.
BS looks shocked.
2 weeks later...
BS: Yay! Now I can glitter! And I'm immortal, just like you, Edward!
Edward goes stock-still.
BS: Now we can be together FOREVERRRR!!!
JB: Oh, and Bells? I'm in love with your baby!
BS: Grr! Oh well, its okay! I love you Edward!!