Little Red

September 22, 2011
By Anonymous_7 SILVER, Branson, Missouri
Anonymous_7 SILVER, Branson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
-The only time you can get away with murder is when writing a book!


The wolf crept slowly forward. He growled, almost seeming to taunt Red with his blood stained teeth.

Red screamed.

She paused, hoping her cry would be answered. But no response was given to her.

In the moonlight the wolf's eyes seemed to glow with the ghosts of his past victims.

She screamed again; now, causing her arms and legs to tremble with terror.

Red took a step back. Her heel hit the base of a sturdy oak tree, its long branches seemed to enshroud her. She pressed her back, hard against the bark of the tree hoping it would consume her.

A single tear broke free, it rolled down her cheek and then stopped. Oh why had she not obeyed her Grandmother? Why had she gone into the forbidden forest?

Red opened her mouth, trying to scream for the third time. But no sound came. She closed her eyes slowly excepting her fate.

The wolf snarled again. It was hungry.

Red only hoped that now in the middle of this dark, and forboding place her end would be quick.

She could almost imagine his teeth sinking in to her skin. Allowing the blood to pour. She breathed in deeply trying to calm herself...The wolf lunged.

Red braced herself waiting to cry out in pain. But it was the wolf who howled in pain. He landed a foot away, as if some unknown invisible force had kicked him.

The wolf whimpered, looking distastfully up at Red, then scampered away like a little puppy.

Little Red Riding Hood gasped, just now remembering the red cloak she wore. The red wool hood her grandmother had given her. Of course. How stupid! She had forgotten about the magic in the wool that protected her. In the terror she had forgotten.

Red slumped down to the ground, letting out a muffled sob. She hugged herself allowing the tears of joy to flow freely off her face.


The author's comments:
The story of Little Red Riding Hood inspired me to do this piece. I accept criticism and would appreciate it if you comment/rate my work. Please don't be to harsh :)

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This article has 24 comments.


Longlegs GOLD said...
on Jul. 21 2014 at 9:16 am
Longlegs GOLD, Greeneville, Tennessee
16 articles 0 photos 84 comments
Wow. I wrote a changed story of Red Riding Hood too (please check it out). I can't believe how different yours is from mine! So suspenseful.

Naruto101 said...
on Sep. 9 2013 at 10:52 am
Naruto101, Pickens, South Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
i LOVED it. it was a great story i loved all the tenstion in it

on May. 20 2012 at 9:44 pm
Anonymous_7 SILVER, Branson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
-The only time you can get away with murder is when writing a book!

Thanks for commenting. I really appreciate your incite. I will definitaly try this!

on May. 20 2012 at 1:01 pm
LinRouge BRONZE, Houston, Texas
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"...I had probably realized the truth. I just didn't want to admit it.
Deep in my heart, I wished that aliens, time travelers, ghosts, demons, evil organizations, or espers might just pop up in front of me one day..." - Kyon

I like very much that it's set in the moment. However, your approach to this moment makes it a bit choppy.  When focusing on a moment and making that the entirety of a story, you need to really hit every single detail because that is what the moment is made of. Yes, you did describe various major moments but you need to go more in depth. What is tree bark really like, besides just "hard"? Does she smell anything? What is the air like? These are all important details that enhance a moment-concentrated story.

Also, though it is an interesting twist at the end, it seems very deus ex machina because of its abrupt delivery. Though it is a plot twist, you cannot just drop it at the end. There needs to be a natural build up, subtle though that may be.

Keep on writing. I think you're on to something!


on Mar. 27 2012 at 10:50 pm
Zaraclaylime DIAMOND, Chicago, Illinois
75 articles 2 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
So I suppose my simple advice is: Love your life. I only say that because your life is what you have to give.
-Tom Hiddleston

Cool! You should write the whole story like that, and maybe a sequel.

on Nov. 19 2011 at 5:46 pm
selahoverrated GOLD, Mt Sidney, Virginia
11 articles 0 photos 43 comments
ive never heard the story told like that but it was really cool like that:)

on Nov. 6 2011 at 4:03 pm
Anonymous_7 SILVER, Branson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
-The only time you can get away with murder is when writing a book!

I understand what you mean but I was writing for myself. I dont think of an audience when I write just my own personal enjoyment! Also, I was trying to make it less descriptive so that you would have to use your imagination when you read it! But thanks for the comment I will think about that next time I write something.

Lacer GOLD said...
on Nov. 2 2011 at 7:47 pm
Lacer GOLD, Highland Village, Texas
19 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
The thing about philosophy is that it often runs dry when thought of so shallowly.

it's good writing. But it's very simple in it's structure, very chopped and simple dialouge, like a diary.
This is like writing to yourself, instead of an audience. I'm not trying to be mean, just helpful :/
(writing to yourself is a hard habit to get out of)

on Oct. 15 2011 at 2:22 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

That was a very powerful passage!  My only criticism is that you should add a bit more description and paragraph less often.  Other than that, excellent work!

on Oct. 15 2011 at 1:28 pm
billlover420 GOLD, Justin, Texas
12 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery.  People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody. ~J.D. Salinger,The Catcher in the Rye,

this is beyond stunning you did amazeing at this u are soo very tattlented <3

on Oct. 12 2011 at 11:16 am
Anonymous_7 SILVER, Branson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
-The only time you can get away with murder is when writing a book!

Thanks for commenting! It means alot.

 


on Oct. 12 2011 at 3:23 am
Smile-And-Wave-Boys. SILVER, Rotherhithe, Other
8 articles 1 photo 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
— Oprah Winfrey

Wow, this is soo good!  The description is amazing, makes you feel as if you're actually there-I'm really impressed :D

on Oct. 10 2011 at 9:07 pm
BeautysBeast GOLD, Okinawa, Other
11 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
BETTER TO BE YOURSELF AND BE NOBODY THAN BE SOMEONE ELSE AND SOMEBODY ;)

haha okay and thanx :o :P

 


on Oct. 7 2011 at 7:17 pm
Anonymous_7 SILVER, Branson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
-The only time you can get away with murder is when writing a book!

:D Thanks! If and when I write more I'll let you know.

on Oct. 5 2011 at 10:57 pm
BeautysBeast GOLD, Okinawa, Other
11 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
BETTER TO BE YOURSELF AND BE NOBODY THAN BE SOMEONE ELSE AND SOMEBODY ;)

omg!!!! you have got to write more, I beg of you!!!!!!!! O.O It was very descriptive

 


on Oct. 5 2011 at 5:18 pm
MonaLisaSmile GOLD, North Liberty, Indiana
19 articles 1 photo 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there. --Adam Young

More please!

on Oct. 5 2011 at 4:37 pm
Anonymous_7 SILVER, Branson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
-The only time you can get away with murder is when writing a book!

Thanks! But I have no idea where the magical cloak came from :)

on Oct. 4 2011 at 4:56 pm
Artemis--Sherwood GOLD, Hemet, California
16 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're all stories in the end."

I like your creativity, especially since I know I wouldn't have thought of a magic cloak. *wishes she had one too*

on Sep. 28 2011 at 10:19 pm
Anonymous_7 SILVER, Branson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
-The only time you can get away with murder is when writing a book!

yes, who are you?

on Sep. 28 2011 at 8:21 pm
flyingpinkgiraffes PLATINUM, Chardon, Ohio
24 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When in doubt, kill your main character." ~Me
"Worry is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere."

okay, i'm just going to say that i LOVE fairytale retellings, i write them all the time, and little red riding hood is like my favorite one to do...  well anyways this was great.  at first i was a little dissapointed because i thought you weren't going to change anything about the origonal story, you know the this-is-what-really-happened kind of thing?  but i was really happy with the ending.  I would have liked something more in depth though, but im not complaining.  


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