Rolling Girl

June 7, 2011
A girl sat in the principal’s office, thankfully her uniform sweater’s sleeves were long, hiding her scarred wrists, from what she had done prior before entering the office. She, a troubled young teenager, was also a person known as a drug addict, and her wrists, scars, and all you could find visibly on her, was evidence.

Whenever she was asked why she looks so paranoid, exhausted, and lifeless, she would lie and say, with a fake smile, “No problems,” and walk away.

When nobody is around, she continues her “rolling” habits, to cease the noise in her head, and scratching the noise out with her addiction seems to be helping, but only a little bit.

“I’m disappointed in you, Natalie Johnson.” The principal finally said, in a scolding sort of manner. He pinched the bridge of his nose, before looking back up at her. “Using drugs on school property? You could be expelled for it....but as long as you promise that you won’t do it again, you’ll have detention for the remainder of the school year."

Natalie stood up and apologized. “I’m sorry, I swear I won’t do it ever again."

“Good girl. Now run along, and hope to see you Monday.” The principal said, now shooing her off with one hand, and balancing paperwork in the other.

Natalie turned on her heel, and exited the tiny office, her short pink skirt swaying with each step, and tickled the middle of her thighs. Her black sweater layered on top of her crisp white dress shirt, that was unbutton two buttons from the top, and her sleeves of the long shirts were only really long when her arms were relaxed at her sides, the sleeves grazed her fingertips. Her long dark brown hair that had normally cascaded down her low back, had now flown lifelessly in the wind, the first minute she stepped out of the door of the school. Now guiding herself home, she heard a voice call from behind her, crying out, “Natalie! Natalie!"

She turned around slowly to face a familiar person; Nicholas Victor. He smiled at her when they met eye to eye. “Nicholas.” She said, quietly, in her normal way, just nodding her head, which was the only way she greeted him.

“I saw you go to the principal's office today, you doing okay?” He asked a worried tone in his voice.

“It’s a mistake...” She started until she corrected herself, “...Was a mistake. It’s only a matter of finding the odd one out in the end. No problems here...” She lied again, and he probably knew it, like always. She couldn’t tell him that she was “rolling” again, only because he was trying to cut her from all the awful addictions she had, so that she could lead a new dream-like, healthier, happier, drug-free life. Although, every time she’d try, it was a nightmare; the same noise would come back, louder, sharper, and more intense.

Nicholas smiled again, and said, with a content sigh, “That’s a relief. least you’re fine...You going home now?”

Natalie found herself shrugging. “Maybe...” She honestly didn’t know and the noise in her head was starting to act up again, this time, giving her a very sharp and painful migraine. “I...I have to go! See you later Nicholas!” She said, finally, sprinting off in the direction of her home, which had been only a few blocks away from the school.

With each step, the noise had gotten louder and louder, until she finally made it into her house, slamming the door behind her, zigzagging until she made it to her bedroom, and slammed that door behind her, too, only this time, locking the door. In the safety of her room, she had knelt in front of her bed, and seized the box that had been hidden under it.

She had pulled this mysterious box of secrets out and removed the lid, inside was her stash of various drugs, and rummaged through all the pill bottles, baggie of syringes, and various vials of stuff she bought recently. She finally pulled out a bottle of Ketamine, which she referred to as her “dream dose”. Inside the vial, was a clear liquid, and she took a medical syringe from the bag, and placed them on the floor, beside the box. She then took a rubber strap, and rolled up the sleeves of her left arm, all the way to her bicep. She then tied the rubber strap high on her exposed left forearm, underside up. She tapped her forearm a few times, feeling it firm up under each tap, and felt it was ready to prepare the syringe. She took the syringe, removed the cap, placing it beside her on the floor and then picked up the vial of the dream dose. She pierced the opening of the dream dose with the exposed needle of the syringe, and filled it up with the liquid drug. Once it was filled, she placed the vial of dream dose back into the box, and raised the syringe to her prepared left arm. She took a deep breath, and pierced the needle into her arm, feeling a small prick in her arm, and then she pushed down on the plunger of the syringe with her thumb, releasing the drug into her veins. She uttered a blissful noise from her throat, and removed the syringe from her arm carefully, and felt her muscles and body relax, her arms fell limp and she dropped the needle to the ground.

She then repositioned herself to sit against her bed on the floor, to look up at one corner of her ceiling. Her ceiling had the sky painted on it and had numerous clouds scattered everywhere. She tried to reach up and grab the clouds, which now seemed to be moving away from her grasp. Her eyes had watered with tears, and she knew for a fact that she had gone against what Nicholas wishe once again, and that any happiness or dreams of the future were unattainable to her. With both hands, she struggled to reached up to her throat, and began to choke herself, applying just enough pressure to not only to put self inflicted bruises on her neck, and stopping her own breathing to collapse to the floor, unconscious, and she was finally settling back into the warmth of the pitch black haven of her infamous solitude. If there was any end, she was getting ready for it, but not entirely ready to go, at the same time.

Natalie awoke, she was on her bedroom floor, staring up at her ceiling again, and she was awfully tired, and all the colors in her room had been washed away, as if they didn't like her existence or were also unreachable. She sat up, and the noises in her head stopped, but now, it seemed like there were overlapping voices in her head and around her in the air, and she shook her head, mixing the voices all around. She quickly untied the rubber strap and tossed it back into her box and after that, she picked up her needle and recapped it, before also placing it into the same box, putting the lid back on, shoving it under her bed. She finally stood up, and fought to keep awake and stumbled to her bedroom door, the only thing holding her up at the moment was the doorknob. She unlocked it, and opened it, creaking slowly and quietly, filling the silence of the hallway.

Natalie finally crept out of her house, walking to Nicholas's house, her hands shaking tremendously, so she shoved them into the pockets of her skirt, and quickened her pace. She just had to see Nicholas again. Maybe to apologize to him or just see him, she didn't know why exactly, she just had to.

Nicholas was laying on his bed, eyes staring straight up at the ceiling, and was trapped in his thoughts. Mainly these thoughts had been on Natalie. He had to do something to help or else, he'd never forgive himself, if something really bad happened to her. He was her only friend. For anybody, that's the worst position to be in. He had recently moved into the small town, unbeknownst to anybody except the residents, to obtain better grades for college expectations.

He had his hair a shade lighter than Natalie’s, which was always kept short and tidy. He was in his school uniform, a crisp white dress shirt, with a tan long sleeved sweater layered on top. A pair of blue, maybe navy blue slacks, and brown loafers, which was a school requirement for both genders. His dark green eyes, or at least he was told, were stern, cheerful, lively and hopeful.

He sat up just as he heard the doorbell ring. He quickly jumped up from his bed, and called out to his parents, "I'll get it!" As he raced to get to the door before either of them could.

He unlocked it, and opened the door, revealing the girl who was invading his thoughts and he smiled at her. Natalie. "Ah, Natalie, I was just thinking about you." He said, with a small laugh, but it was true. She might not know just how true, but it was the truth from him. He then looked over her carefully and his eyes dropped to her exposed and dark neck. With a closer inspection, he found out that the marks on her neck were bruises in the shapes of...fingers? Were they self inflicted? Or was she having problems with her abusive alcoholic of a father? He was now terrified to find out, but asked anyway, "What happened to your neck, Natalie?"

She frowned, and looked down, as if she was ashamed of the answer, falling more silent than usual. He took her shoulders with his hands, his grip not only firm but gentle as he asked, slowly, "Natalie, did you do this to yourself? Please answer truthfully...I'm begging you."

Under his hands, her body was shaking. Like it normally did after she had used. Again, not a very good sign. "Answer me Natalie! Did you or did you not use again?" He looked deeply into her eyes after he finished asking, hoping to find an answer within her darkened hazel eyes, that appeared more lifeless, clouded, and more doll-like than usual.

She looked back up at him, struggling under his grasp, "Oh, no problems. Nothing wrong at all..." She smiled another fake smile and then she asked, "Why did you ask if something was wrong at home?"

Nicholas casted his eyes down and said, requesting, "Please, don't make me ask again...Natalie...and don't lie to me..."

"So what if I did use again, Nicholas?" She spat. "Yes, I gave my neck bruises. Yes I used again. What difference would it make? What'll happen that hasn't happened to me already, Nicholas?" She shoved him away and said, with a grim tone, "Maybe I want to 'stop my own breathing'!” She took a step back away from him. "Forget it, you wouldn't understand the voices and noises around me. You never do....I don't give a damn anymore...I'm going to go cause more problems, if you want to join me, you're welcome to." She now span on her heel, causing Nicholas to look up at her back, tears now glistening in his eyes as she said, "Goodbye Nicholas." And ran off, as fast she could away from him.

He fell to his knees, watching her running form continue to run until he couldn't see her anymore. "...I didn't mean to interrogate you, Natalie...I just wanted the truth from you...but now I've failed you as a helpful hand, and now I have to help you as a friend...It's the least I can do now." He returned to his feet and followed in the direction Natalie had fled, not bothering to warn his parents that he was leaving.

It had taken him an hour to get directions from the residents of the small town, just to find Natalie, who was probably feeling more and more alone with each passing second. When he finally found her, she was behind the wheel of a car, speeding on the streets to the highway, but she was under the influence of not only drugs, but alcohol, and the last thing he saw her do, was turn to him from inside the car, return a real smile, and mouth the words, 'I'm ready, just a moment..' Before the car she was in, flew off of the road of the highway, bounced up and down on a hill at an alarming rate, and impaled a tree at the bottom. He chased after the car, sliding down the hill, and heard the air bag from the car explode, and balloon up into Natalie's body.

Nicholas finally reached the driver's side of the door, and jerked the car door open, and found the air bag in the way of Natalie. He shoved past it, to grab her, and pulled her out into his arms, and she fell on top of him onto the ground, his body taking the impact. He sat up, Natalie in his arms, and he placed a hand to her face. It was ice cold under his fingertips and it terrified him. He then checked her pulse and was relieved when it was faint but there. She was unconscious in his arms, probably battling death, so he had to act fast.

He speed-dialed the ambulance, and barked into the mouthpiece that Natalie needed help, gave quick directions and was then told by the person on the other end, to keep her stabilized until they got there. He closed his phone, tossing it onto the ground and looked back to Natalie, who wore a content look on her face. "Natalie...Natalie...Don't you dare leave me...Not yet...Natalie!!!"

The ambulance arrived, and removed Natalie from Nicholas's hold, and placed her on the emergency bed, and carted her into the truck, Nicholas followed into the truck, and sat at Natalie's side, holding her hand tightly, and felt the truck speed down to the hospital. They wheeled Natalie in through the doors, until reaching the emergency room, Nicholas still at her side, refusing everyone that told him to go wait for them in the waiting room.

Natalie was connected to a heart monitor, her heart beat, according to the zigzagging lines, were faint, but stable. Nicholas felt more tears roll down his cheeks, and begged, his hands wrapped and holding onto Natalie's hand, "Don't leave must be sick and tired of 'rolling'...I don't want to you to stop your breathing, I never wanted you to. Please don't do it now..."

He looked up to her face, her eyes remained closed, and her breathing was slowly beginning to slow, until he heard the heart monitor begins to flatline. "Natalie...No, Natalie, come back!" He said, standing at her side now, and the tears fell from his eyes faster and harder now. "You can't just be beaten by this, fight it!"

Two doctors carted in another machine, the defibrillator, and shoved him away. One doctor removed the paddles, and rubbed some gel onto either side the metal sides together and the other doctor cut Natalie's shirts up, from bottom to top with a pair of scissors, ripping it away from the middle of her body, exposing her skin, and then turned the machine on. One doctor held both the paddles in the air above her, and called, "Charge to 200. Clear!"

He placed the paddles of the machine onto her chest, one close to her heart and the other just next to it. Nicholas heard the spark of electricity shooting into Natalie's body and her body arched, a small beep form the heart monitor, before flatlining again. "Again! Charge to 250. Clear!" Natalie’s body arched again, but no response except the faint small beep like the first, before flatlining again. The doctor's repeated until about the third time, the doctor called out again, “Charge to 300! Clear!!!” Then one of the doctors pulled out a bigger syringe, possibly full of adrenaline, and pierced directly through the chest over her heart, and emptied the contents from it. The monitor with her heart beat began to slowly regulate to its normal pace, and they pulled the defibrillator away, and removed the needle from her chest, carefully. Nicholas then pushed one of the doctor's away to gain his place at her side once again, and asked, tearfully, "Natalie?"

Her eyelashes fluttered until they were finally opened and looking up at him, tiredly. "...Nicholas..." She said, with an exhausted yet happy tone, as she smiled once again at him.

Nicholas fell to his knees and hugged her. "I thought I lost you...Natalie...I promise, that'll never happen again, for as long as I live..."

Natalie laughed. "Oh just stop it...and please just say you love me, you dork." She said, returning his hug.

Nicholas now laughing slightly and said, "...I love you Natalie, always now and forever...."

"And I love you, Nicholas...Now, when I get out of here....we're going to go have a date now, aren't we? I'll pay for it, okay?"

Nicholas nodded. "Okay." He smiled at her, and kissed her forehead.

So in the end, Nicholas and Natalie had their date, Natalie threw out all of her stashes of drugs, pills, needles, everything and focused more on school and her relationship with Nicholas. She hasn't heard any noises or voices in the air since the day she almost died.

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