Maximum Ride Fanfic Chapter 1

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“Max, look at this”, I heard from across the standard too-homey hotel room. Gazzy was sitting on one of the twin beds with the laptop in front of him.

“It’s not another one of those dumb videos where you concentrate on a picture and some scary face pops out at you, is it?”, I inquired as I finished up the laundry and walked over to the bed, where Nudge and Angel had joined the Gasman looking at the computer screen.

The Gasman had a grin in his voice as he replied. “Not this time.”

I had sat on the bed and Nudge was turning the computer screen toward me, babbling excitedly, when our hotel door opened. We all tensed, even though we know there are only two keycards for our room, then let out a sigh when we saw it was just Fang, not some whitecoat with a giant syringe like we all saw in our most terrifying nightmares.

Along with the usual groceries Iggy would cook in our little kitchenette, he had bought a paper and some locally made chocolate chip cookies. I smiled, and said, “So what’s up?”, as I gave the kids the hang-on-one-minute look and got up to help him stock the mini fridge.

“Got you some cookies”, he stated, almost visibly cringing, knowing I would demand the details about the shop and see if they were up to par to the homemade ones my mother, Dr. Martinez makes.

It would have to wait, though, because out of the corner of my eye, I could see the kids looking at me, about to explode with unspilled information.

“Where’s Iggy?” Fang asked, following me to the computer.

“In the shower”, I said, and raised my voice. “HE SHOULD BE DONE ANY TIME NOW”, I shouted in the direction of the bathroom.

“Ok, so, Max”, Nudge blurted. I turned my attention to her. “Since we’re in New York, and we’re not what I’d call busy - I mean really, I’ve been bored all day, but anyway, we were wondering if we could do something fun, like the state fair.” Two heads bobbed in agreement. I took a minute to digest everything she’d said.

Fang was leaning over my shoulder, reading the web page, and I had this uncontrollable urge to blow in his ear. When I did, lightly, he shivered, glared at me, and I smirked, blushing at the same time, and hating myself for it.

“State fair”, I repeated, getting back to the task at hand. “Guys, I dunno, this thing says there’s, like, 95 thousand people there every day”, I was astounded by the numbers.

“Yeah, but Max, this place is huge”, Angel added with pleading eyes. “The people would be all spread out.”

“There’s an article on it in the paper”, Fang said evenly.

Nudge leapt from the bed and ran to get the paper from the counter at the moment the bathroom door opened, releasing a cloud of steam, to reveal Iggy, clad in a fluffy white towel, hair soaking wet. They collided, Iggy yelping in shock, Nudge saying “Oh, gosh, oh, gosh, Iggy, are you ok!?”

By this time, we were all giggling, even Fang, though his was more of a slightly amused chuckle.

“Iggy, we’re going to the fair!” the Gasman exclaimed, once we had mostly settled down.

I shot him a look. “We might be going to the fair.”

“It sounds so awesome! I mean, look at the website! There’s tons of rides! And…”, Nudge trailed off suddenly, thinking hard. Iggy, figuring she’d be gabbing a while, retreated to the bathroom again to change. “And…it’s educational! Look at all the museums and buildings!”, she finished with a triumphant look.

“It’s going to be crowded”, I said dejectedly, because I knew their hearts were set on going. Fang shot me a slightly panicked look. The younger ones of the flock knew they’d won, and begun a chorus of “Yay!”’s and “Yessss!”’s.





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iamAbel said...
Jan. 24, 2011 at 11:45 am
This is really good! The thing I like best is your ability to really capture James Patterson's style of writing. Normally that may not have been a good thing, but with fan fiction it's really well done. :)
 
musicislife3617 replied...
Jan. 24, 2011 at 1:01 pm
thank you! i really tried to include the whole flock in conversation and just the story in general :)
 
iamAbel replied...
Jan. 24, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Ya, I can really tell! I especially like Nudge's dialogue... spot on. :)

You should check out some of my work! I could really use the feedback. If you don't want to read all of them, I would just look at "The Gate", I think it's the best but I'm not sure. :)

 
musicislife3617 replied...
Jan. 24, 2011 at 1:14 pm

i will, sure! :D

this whole "teenink" thing was really just a random fanfic i wrote after going to the fair last summer; i wasn't going to do anything with it really, but my english teacher this year is having us fill requirements and one was for writing. i figured this would be the easiest thing to do, since it was already written. so long story short, thanks for rating and commenting!! :)

 
iamAbel replied...
Jan. 24, 2011 at 1:19 pm
No problem! :)
 
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